"Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light and not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be ... " - Marianne Williamson
When my daughter was very little and raced around with other children she would always run with her arms out and behind her to keep herself in the lead - quite genius I think.
(of course, this could have been an attempt to steady herself when she ran full out fast or maybe she thought she would take off and fly if she was fast enough)
My intention with this new year of deciding is to gently
(although I may throw my arms behind me sometimes, so please forgive me if I knock into anyone or look like the prima ballerina's understudy who has left the star tied up in the broom closet and stepped out into the spotlight not really sure of what she is doing)
explore what it means to me to really show up.
I think sometimes I have expected the world to draw me in and engage me - easier for me to hide behind my work and this busy-ness and so I have set up my life in such a way that this busy-ness is overwhelming and real -
(how can I be expected to take a deep breath when I only have time for little gasps of oxygen after all)
but this reality was created by me and I can create a new reality.
Showing up, for me, will be about allowing other people to sometimes be disappointed in my choices ... and making them anyway.
No hiding. No comfort zones. Showing up is about our everyday choices. Working out in the morning again because otherwise I will never do it.
Saying "I" when I mean "I".
When I worked in a bank it was all about the "we" and being the teamplayer that I was I got in the habit of saying "we" even when I was the one doing the work.
These days, although I am the only one here,
other than Olive of course - who does provide daily inspiration, but spends way too much time lazily dangling over the heater and yawning at me when I try to send her to the hardware store for flux, to be included in this -
I still say "we" about my business when maybe I should be claiming it with the word "I" more often.
(I should say that this "I" thing is a lesson for me in really owning my work and showing up - for some of us the lesson may be in the "we" and the big picture thinking and team sharing this word creates)
No more standing myself up in 2011. I resolve to show up - even if I have to run around with my arms behind me - like that overbundled brother in A Christmas Story.
* beautiful You are an ARTist said the little bird keepsake box by Danielle of herpaintedword