Sunday, September 18, 2011

you can't handle the truth .... or if the lawyers really looked like Matthew McConaughey this would be a whole other thing

... so I just rented out my couch

(not my actual couch, that we sit on and lie on and Olive sheds so much hair on that before we purchased it we asked the guy in the store if we could throw a little dog hair on it so we could visualize it in our actual livingroom ... but a vintage couch that is part of my vintage rental business - did I tell you I started a vintage rental business? no? well, I will just keep you all guessing about what the hell I am talking about then)

and checked my mailbox on the way back in the house and find a little white notice that says (cue the Jaws music here) JURY DUTY ... AGAIN, I thought I got out of it!

Now, I have been called to jury duty many times and the last time - I got on a case, was named foreman forewoman, found the guy guilty in less than 45 minutes and was home in 3 days.

But, I was a little more decisive in those days - things a little more black and white to me when I was younger - now that things are a little more grey it may be harder.

(yes, I like to spell it with an "e", the British way, makes me feel special and a little more refined - I have also stopped cursing .. sort of . .mostly .. sometimes. My brother stopped cursing last year when he started teaching music to children and I thought if he can do it, I can too, but it is a hard habit to unlearn)

When we were kids and my sister and I used bad words

(which we did as fast as we could learn them)

my grandmother would say "stop - say it another way" and make us take the curse word out of the sentence, so my sister's favorite 4th grade zinger would end up something like "your 'rearend' is grass", then my grandmother would nod her approval and go back to watching her stories.

Anyhoo - back to JURY DUTY ...

since I have been making more and more questionable (ie bad) decisions lately. I have begun to doubt myself. I can't even make a decision about where to go to lunch without it turning into the most trying ordeal anyone around me has ever experienced.

If someone asks - "what do you want to go eat?" - I brainfreeze. I will not decide. Hubby, unfortunately, has taken the brunt of this indecisiveness so when I told him I pulled jury duty, he said:

"If you make it on a jury it will end up being a hung jury ... because everyone else will hang themselves while you decide."

This from the ace decision-maker who went to Barnes and Noble before our trip to get magazines for both of us; proceeded to spend an hour picking out such bone-chilling, can't put it down reading material for himself as the Farmer's Almanac 2012 (I'm sure he almost had a coronary when he saw this baby was finally available), Dirtbike Digest, The Small Farmer's Guide to Livestock (Olive did not like the looks of this one) and The Model Car Builder (he wants to get 'back into them' - I do not like the looks of this one) - then grabbed the first thing he could lay his hands on for me - something with pirates on the cover - because

"I know you like pirates"

(I like pirates?!)

"No, I was saying 'talk like a pirate day' is coming up and I am going to give away some pirate jewelry. I didn't say I like pirates."

hubby *crickets*

(lost in article on the best model car glue for 2012)

Anyhoo, will let everyone know what is decided with jury duty - I am going to try again to get it postponed until January when I am slow

(and there is some potential for a snowday)

Also if you follow me on Twitter- watch for my pirate tweets tomorrow to win some pirate jewelry!


KJ said...

Tell the truth about your business when you fill out the jury forms. But, one of the best ways not to be chosen is to show a deeply seated prejudice for or against the issue at trial. (e.g. Capital punishment is a great deterrent to crimes or is totally immoral and should never be a sanctioned penalty.) On the other hand, it might just get enough of an argument going to keep you as a sitting juror. See, like you not being able to decide, I can't give advice without hedging it with some form of "it depends."

Brenda said...

All I can say is that I'm still smiling after guffawing out loud several times reading this, Cat! Hehe! Good luck with the jury duty (I get called every two to three years, like clockwork!) and - what what - a vintage rental biz?? xo Brenda