Monday, December 31, 2012

more stuff I learned in 2012 ... the list goes on and on ....

poster from totally old school
2012 kicked my butt.

My mood right now is "BRING IT ON 2013!" - but this changes hourly - 60 minutes ago it was more like - BRING ... me a hot chocolate and my snugli ... (mommy? sniffle)

I really want to finish this countdown before Dick Clark does his ... is Dick Clark still doing that?!

And yes, I think I have lost lessons 8 and 9 somehow - we will just pretend they were highly personal and emotional lessons that I just can't bring myself to write about - instead of admitting that I just can't count.

#6 - Mental illness sucks. It is not something we deal with well in this country (maybe this is true everywhere).

David lived with us off and on (mostly on) for 8 months in 2012 - we were never able to get him on medication although he was having major psychotic symptoms and episodes.

Finally after a particularly bad episode that ended with him in jail for a long period he was accepted into a program to help keep people from returning to jail. They were able to get him on an anti-psychotic monthly shot (which costs $800 per month - he has 2 left before his samples run out) and into a new program and temporary housing (4 months before his money runs out).

Unfortunately the shot that helps with the voices also makes him aggressive and even more difficult at times. He continues to drink. Schizophrenia is a nightmare; so is alcoholism.

David was our first 2012 hurricane - he blew in and out of our lives and changed us forever and we are totally grateful.

#5 - We are totally unprepared to live without electricity. Hubs and I have been kidding ourselves for years about being somewhat self-sufficient - we're not.

On the other hand I have no interest in being a survivalist - if the world winds down to a handful of people wandering the planet, fending off hoards of hungry animals and killing each other for acorns - I would be totally happy not being one of them.

#4 - I need more downtime; more time to do things unconnected with business. I am going to make this happen. When we had regular jobs we had weekends and even though our weekends now may not always fall on Saturday and Sunday - we still need week ends (a time when our week ends).

#3 - I need to figure out this diet, hormone, environment, eczema, sleep, dry eye, nerve, memory thing - enuf said.

#2 - Now is the time  - I truly believe the old world is ending. Our planet has moved on. Maybe this is what it felt like as the dark ages moved into the renaissance - like things were falling apart or things were coming together and it all depended on how we looked at things - except it's even bigger this time because the stakes are so much higher.

We are the luckiest beings in the universe to get to experience this.

There won't be a guru or messiah coming to get us out of this mess (this is why Obama often disappoints us - he's a catalyst not a savior - he is just mirroring ourselves back to us) - the Hopi were right - we are the ones we have been waiting for.

We have to do the work ourselves - this can only happen by walking the path of conscious choice - discernment, non-judgement, non-attachment to outcomes and detaching from our stories. First step - a meditation practice if we don't have one. Deborah King's is one of my favorites.

# 1 - I am awake now.

And yes, some days I wish I was still snoozing, but we can't unknow what we know and yes, once we know better we do better and yes, to whom much has been given much is expected and yes, nothing about this is easy. It is simple though. Hard but simple. We can do this. Artists and creators (which is everyone actually) have to.


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3 comments:

DancingMooney ♥ said...

Try taking a bath with epsom salts, regularly... they can help draw out toxins in the body, and relax your body & mind. My mood about things has been up and down lately too, but I feel more optimistic than ever, when I focus on the good. :)

Cheers to the new year, and what it might bring. xo!!!

Catherine Ivins said...

you read my mind- I was thinking I need more baths! I really want to be swimming, but baths may have to do - I have to get hubs fishing gear out of the tub and reclaim it as MINE- I am doing this Janelle thank you!

Cait Throop said...

What a wonderful, powerful post...from the mental illness to the time off, to the diet, hormonal issues, to our being the answers we seek. I took the last two years off physically and now have to regroup and figure out how to keep this body (sadly missing some internal parts) healthy and my mind sane. I think that is my resolution on this sparkly, sunny, cold new day! Thanks!