Monday, March 31, 2014
Part III - why our money mindset matters - tapping into business success and releasing money guilt using EFT and the 2nd house
In astrology money is 2nd house stuff; the 2nd house rules our finances, our values, our possessions, even our talent but what really shows up in the 2nd house is our self worth. It rules what money can buy and what it can't buy. This is the space where we pull our own weight in the world. This space is ruled by the planet Venus and the sign of Taurus.
Most people think of Taurus as represented by the stubborn bull and they can be, but Taurus is really the space in the zodiac that expresses our need for stability and grounding - ain't nothing moving that bull if he don't want to be moved.
(yes, I am going to talk about grounding again - this stuff is all connected plus I am obsessed we know this)
They always benefit by being out in nature,
(a Taurus in the city will not be a pleasant person to be around for long unless allowed a cat, dog or at least a fish tank, plenty of plants and frequent trips to the country)
peace and quiet, hands in the dirt, music in their ears and sensual touch
(think cuddles, hot baths, massages - the kind of touch that feels like safety).
Because Taurus is the natural ruler of the 2nd house the things that strengthen Taurus will strengthen our own 2nd houses, too.
(yes, the same 2nd house that holds our money, our values and our self worth - if you know who is hanging out in your 2nd house and where Venus and Taurus are in your natal chart, you can also work with that energy)
It could seem like taking a hot bath is not something that will make us any money, but it may be exactly what we need to feel safe and cared for. This is the rich soil of self nurturing that grows money best.
Anyhoo, on to tapping (not the kind with the awesome shoes - sorry!).
I first read about tapping and the Emotional Freedom Technique through Jack Canfield - the Chicken Soup for the Soul Guy.
It's a form of accupressure and is a simple exercise that you do to yourself.
Tapping works on the theory that negative emotional experiences disturb the energy meridians that run through our bodies. When we use our fingertips to tap on specific points on our face, head and body while focusing on a negative feeling, EFT quickly realigns the energy meridians associated with those particular thoughts and memories and allows healing to occur.
It is an excellent tool and you can do it almost anywhere. Google around and find some information and videos. Cheryl Richardson has one here. She is talking about anxiety but it works exactly the same with our beliefs.
I use the "Even though I have this fear - naming the fear", or "Even though I have this memory - naming the memory - I deeply and completely accept myself." There is something about the pressure on specific energy points while our body is hearing these words that allows our body to reset itself. It's amazingly effective.
With EFT we take responsibility for calming and soothing ourselves and changing our negative mood or belief instead of waiting for some external thing to come along or happen to change it - it allows us to take our power back. I think that is my favorite thing about it, plus it really does work. Try it for a week and see what happens.
So, what kind of negative belief or memory should we be tapping on to change our money mindset?
Make a list of your money memories or negative beliefs about money you want to release.
I will tell you one of mine that relates to my job loss story from Part I and Part II.
Even though I had technically 'quit' my job I filed for unemployment and since my employer did not want to fight me on this, I got it. I had a much loved uncle and one day I was over his house, no doubt whining about my job loss, but also complaining about the dollar amount of the unemployment check I was about to receive.
My uncle, born in 1924, had probably never worked a week where he made more than $400 in his life.
When I complained about the unemployment amount, he said "you should be grateful you have that". I was immediately filled with guilt. The guilt wasn't about any lack of gratitude on my part, but that I had embarrassed my uncle with my words.
And of course, what I internalized was - "who are you to deserve/ask for more than that?"
When I started thinking about the way money flowed in and out of my life and didn't stick to me, this was one of the memories that came up for me. I knew it told me a lot about my family heritage with money, what I grew up believing I was worth and the ways I self-sabotaged my own stability with guilt over having more than the others around me. I did the forgiveness exercise in the previous post and tapped to release the negative beliefs.
(our memories are always a doorway to our beliefs - asking ourselves why do we remember this particular thing among the gazillion things that have happened to us)
Negative money memories (beliefs) need to be released if we do not want to be sabotaging our business when we hit our income comfort zone.
Often I think I have released something because I have released it in my mind, but my body is still holding onto it.
Many years ago I had a rolfing session with an experienced practitioner and while he was working on my shoulder I had a flash memory of a collection of smiley face stickers on a metal background. It took me about a week to remember these stickers were stickers I had stuck to a metal slide in my backyard when I was a child. I had broken my collarbone when I was nine years old on that slide. When the rolfer (rolfer?) worked on my shoulder, that unconscious memory, stored in my right shoulder, was released. Truly this is self-acceptance at a soul level we are working on with this.
Women often feel guilt about debt more strongly than men do. If you think you will feel better about yourself when you are out of debt you probably won't.
(well maybe for 10 minutes until you celebrate your debt-free status at your favorite restaurant with your Mastercard)
If you let the current state of your wallet dictate your self-worth it will be dictating the future state of your wallet, too. Re-framing your thinking about your debt as life's belief in your future earning ability might help.
When I was in banking I worked with people who had declared bankruptcy. Generally men bounced back faster. They were usually able to separate their money from themselves, "it's just business", they would say, even about their own personal finances. They would file for bankruptcy one week and be in the bank asking me how to get their credit fixed the next. Women often seemed to carry more guilt.
If you have declared bankruptcy - tapping and forgiveness work can help.
Banks who lent you money expecting to get it back took a risk. That's how banks work. They are gamblers, and it’s part of their business to lose sometimes. They have long ago moved on and you should, too.
(this isn't a reason to not pay our debts, but some people have debts that have been legally excused for years still casting shadows on their self-worth)
Everyone needs an investment program. Don't think about saving your money for a rainy day because you will inevitably have one with this way of thinking. You are not saving money - money needs to flow. You are investing your money.
(even if your investment looks oddly like your sock drawer right now).
But don't really use your sock drawer. Money likes to be respected - it is part of our 2nd house family of self-worth after all. Some other tips are HERE.
Next up - Part IV - tying this back into our businesses (for real this time) and why it's easier to build a business when we need the money, but not when we REALLY need the money
Friday, March 28, 2014
I will get back to my money series next week!
We have the first New Moon of the astrological year on Sunday in the "take no prisoners" sign of Aries. This has an energetic connection to April's once in a lifetime planetary activities for all of us.
(more on this next week)
Uranus is really calling the shots here. Jupiter is squaring it and Mars is opposing it, but Mars rules Aries and is hanging out in Libra (justice, balance, relationship). Uranus is about change. And we have Pluto in Capricorn representing the parts in all of us that are desperately trying to hang on to the stuff that is based in fear, the stuff that is crumbling, the stuff that is familiar.
Next month's activity is once in a lifetime, folks.
On Sunday let's set intentions and apply our focus to Aries stuff. Aries is the first sign so rules newness. What does it take to embrace the new? It takes courage.
Aries is very self sufficient. This is the energy of "me". The baby of the zodiac. They can't always see the other person's side of things because if they did they wouldn't be able to take quick, decisive action and that quick decisive action is what they are here to manifest.
Aries doesn't have the staying power of some other signs; he doesn't need it. Aries isn't the cross country race. Aries is that first powerful kick off at the starting line.
Aries isn't about winning or losing (maybe don't tell that to an Aries sun sign); Aries is about daring to start that race in the first place. Aries supports jumping in and taking action. He doesn't promise us that we will come out a winner or even come out alive (yes he's ruled by Mars and he's badass), but he does promise us we will have evolved from the experience.
This doesn't have to be about us jumping out of an airplane or starting a new job or launching a new business (although it could be) - this might be about us standing in the Home Depot paint aisle with a can of our old familiar Tender Taupe in one hand and Behr's New Shoot Green in the other and with a nod to our own Arian energy tossing that Taupe (be careful this stuff might be combustible because we are pretty much on fire now) back on the shelf where it will grow dust bunnies and cobwebs because we have started a New Shoot Green revolution!
And with every coat on our kitchen wall we are channeling the Goddess Athena and howling at the moon (we may hate this color later, who cares - we may repaint it, that's not the point).
The point is we are a different people now. We have evolved and that's what we're here for. We didn't come for the outcome, the outcome has already been decided. We all win in the end. We came for the experience. Aries knows this.
When deciding between familiar and new right now - we choose new and then we let the choice change us.
This is an excellent time for energetic support to make changes with things ruled by Aries : the head (headaches, acne, eyes, brain), the overall physical self, exploration, initiative, courage, leadership, strength, stubbornness, impulsiveness, temper tantrums, anger, stress from inaction - what do we need more of in our lives, what are we needing to release. Now is the time to set intentions for this stuff.
AFFIRMATION TIPS: get into a happy frame of mind - always make affirmations from a positive place - write your affirmations down by hand in script, speak them out loud - I write my affirmations on strips of paper and burn them, releasing the ashes into moving water - then release your attention from these things knowing that your intention is known. Know these things are already yours.
Have a nice weekend everyone! The world she is a changing. I just realized how many people I know who have broken or injured their feet or toes over the last few months - we are all trying to stand on shifting sand now, this is tricky stuff (also a lot of people navigating some depression) - remember this stuff is transitory as we move into a higher consciousness - this New Moon is really a continuation of the Libra New Moon in 2013 and the Capricorn New Moon in January - this is cardinal sign stuff - more on this next week. xo all
Monday, March 24, 2014
Now, I do not believe in fortune telling (although these folks look pretty damn reliable, don't you think) but I do believe in right timing.
For anyone launching a creative venture - business, product, book, etc - knowledge of astrology and the moon can be extremely helpful.
The best and most accurate right timing would be personalized to our own natal chart and our business's chart, but there are some general things we can talk about here that apply pretty universally.
First off - unless you absolutely, positively must launch something creative when Mercury or Venus is retrograde - don't. I would try to avoid Mars retrograde periods also. These 3 periods cover almost half of 2014, so we can't always avoid them, but be prepared to be doing revisions and dealing with increased glitches and setbacks.
Of course, sometimes this is exactly the stuff that separates the men from the boys and the women from the girls and makes us and our launches stronger - so if you must move ahead during these periods just move fearlessly and know you can do it!
The muscles you are building now will be needed later anyway.
The moon is fast moving; changing astrological signs every 2.5 days and working its way through its entire cycle in 28 days (through all the signs and from new to waxing to full to waning and back to new).
The Moon is ruled by the sign of Cancer. Cancer is the mother energy that is all about beginnings - tenderly nurturing and appreciating the newness of things.
The New Moon is the time when the skies go dark (the moon is between the earth and the sun). We can't see the new moon (until it forms a crescent later on in the week) - it is literally the time we are "in the dark".
Now, remember everything starts life in the dark as a thought (think seeds in the ground). This is the beginning part which only feels like the beginning part if we are paying attention.
This is the time of pure potential - use it well, but we don't want to actually launch something new at the New Moon (I know it sounds like a good time, but the moon is not so physically strong at this time). The moon should not be void of course either.
The best time to launch something new is the time between the new moon and the full moon - the time when the moon is waxing (appearing to grow larger in the night sky). Ideally we want the moon sextiling the sun or trining the sun - this would be 5 days after the new moon or 10 days after the new moon.
The sun is strongest in a fire sign. The fire signs are Aries, Leo and Sagittarius.
(now I am speaking generally here all sun signs have positive qualities that can work for creation)
The best time to launch something new is when the sun is in Aries (March 21 - April 19 and ruled by Mars the planet of action), Leo (July 23rd - August 22 and ruled by the sun) or Sagittarius (November 22 - December 21st and ruled by Jupiter the planet of good luck).
Some planets are generally more important than others for your new business or product. Mercury rules communication so it is important. Saturn rules structure and hard work and the 10th house so he is important - there is no excellent placement for him, but some are better than others. If your creative venture is a creative venture you want to take a look at Venus (she rules the arts) - it is important she be well placed. Jupiter brings good luck and expansion so we do not want to waste her. I would shoot for a time when Jupiter is in the 1st, 5th, 9th or 11th house.
Who is ruling the first house? The first house represents the business. Who is ruling the 2nd house? The second house is our values and our money. Who is ruling the 10th house? The tenth house is all about our reputation and status. Who is ruling our 7th house of customers and partners - I wouldn't want Saturn hanging out there and bringing me challenging customers who make me work harder. Also check where the natural rulers of these houses have landed - that would be Mars, Venus, Saturn Capricorn & Libra.
So, how do we time the signs and houses the planets are in when we launch?
Pull an astrology chart for the date and time you are thinking of launching HERE - even if you have no knowledge of astrology or interest in learning you can read about your creation as if it is a person (not in a businesses are people kind of way, but sort of) - is this someone you would like spending time with? Does this sound like someone who would offer value to the world? Think about what you are looking to do with your new business - does this sound like someone who could do it?
Use your intuition with this.
If you are able to compare your own natal chart with this new chart it would be a huge benefit. There are astrologers online who can do this. It is a bit of work so likely won't be cheap. The truth is though, that no one knows you and what you are creating with your life and your work better than you do.
Astrology is more about what events mean than it is about predicting them; feeling charts rather than studying them.
It is the emotional journey of planet Earth we are all here for, after all.
There are no outcome guarantees with anything we do, so we always want to be moving toward what makes us happy. And obviously we can have the most spectacularly fertile ground for a launch and it we do not then water the ground, rake out the weeds and provide lots of sun and attention even the strongest seeds will not grow. It surely isn't a bad thing to check the soil first though ....
I believe the most powerful and soulful business technique we can nurture is a quiet mind.
I know from my own life when I am unbalanced and "trust my gut" I come from a place of fear (think : knots in your stomach, things we can't stomach, eyes bigger than our stomach) - I always attract exactly the crap I am trying to avoid.
When I am actively quieting my mind on a regular basis and "trust my heart" I come from a place of love (think : heartfelt, heartful, know by heart, change of heart, close to your heart) - things always go smoother. There is a total guarantee of happily ever after with this because this kind of happiness is not circumstance dependent.
Play around with the times for your location and really think about what you are looking to create within your own life with this launch - I am especially liking the days of April 4th (Friday ruled by Venus - art), April 5th (Saturday ruled by Saturn - business) and April 9th (Wednesday ruled by Mercury - communication - unless you are an over-thinker, Wednesday's child is full of woe and worry after all). Of course we still have Mars retrograde so if you can wait until he moves direct - or ideally wait until July when all the retrograde energy is past - that will be even better!
What does launch mean? Well, that is really up to you because our beliefs and intentions are key here. I once sat outside my county business office waiting for the right time to register my business name (this is inexpensive and a great way to establish a launch date, time and place). If you sell on Etsy you can certainly determine a good time to press that list button. You can not go wrong with this kind of mindfulness.
NOTE - I give this advice and all advice on this blog with my usual disclaimer:
Disclaimer - I cannot be held responsible for any actions you might take from reading any of my posts - please keep this in mind if you end up in your parents' basement obsessed with pinterest and green tea.
(unless of course, this would be an improvement over your current living situation, in which case, I take full credit)
Thursday, March 20, 2014
|my Aries locket 15% off thru 4/30 with coupon code BRAVE|
(after this winter weather and all these retrogrades we are really ready for spring here - Mars, Aries ruler, is retrograde until late May, so if you are still feeling a lessening of interest, initiative and enthusiasm, hang in there!)
Aries is the initiator sign - the baby being birthed from the womb of Pisces. Think about how fearless a little baby ventures into life. We all have that power within us.
Aries in our chart shows us where, in our journey, we have reached the space where we need to get braver.
Aries sun signs are here to face their fears - to learn the lesson of the warrior.
This is not the energy of the general who plans the army's every move; not the guy who thinks strategically. This is the energy of the soldier who runs into battle with his sword held high (think Braveheart's Scottish warriors with this one).
These guys may have been running to their deaths, but for their Aries energy this was more rapture than suicide.
Aries is the initiator; the first one to shrug their shoulders and jump into the untested, murky water. If Aries jumps in (now they may or may not come out alive although they probably do more than any other sign) - they have evolved, regardless of the outcome (remember we are not here for outcomes we are here for experiences, Aries energy teaches this, too).
And this jumping in is what they are here to do over and over again.
Aries growth is always found after we do "that thing we are afraid to do".
Playing it safe will never work and the space Aries resides in our natal chart is the space where it will not work for us to play it safe either.
Let's say we have Aries (or Aries natural ruler Mars) in our 7th house of partnership. Well, there are many ways this could play out to allow us to get braver. We might attract partners that embody this warrior energy and force us to be brave to stand up for ourselves and deal with them. We might have to make fearless choices within relationships. This stuff can happen in our 5th house with our children and our creative work. With Aries or Mars in our 6th house we can learn about bravery from our pets (think of Caesar Milan's calm/assertive training for pet owners for example). There are thousands of ways.
We are born with this energy and it is going to play out, but what we do with it when it does is always up to us.
With this transition into the Aquarian Age we are all experiencing the opportunity to learn more about our relationship to fear. For the next month during the Aries sun it's time for all of us to embrace our fearless warrior! xo all
MAKERS - heads up, we have an Aries new moon at the end of this month. Now, Mars will be retrograde so things started then will probably need some revisions and experience some lag times, but when Mars moves direct in late May they will really take off. Start thinking about this new moon now - Aries is great energy to initiate new stuff and this one has some powerful Jupiter and Uranus aspects that could really create some magic if we are launching something. I am going to do a post on launching our makings with astrology before the end of the month.
Wednesday, March 19, 2014
Part II taking action to increase our self worth so our business draws the stuff we want to line up with - FORGIVENESS
It might look like there are many reasons we are not making enough income or we have hit an income 'ceiling' - it might look like the economy is soft or we are working hours for dollars and there are only so many hours or we don't have the money to do the thing we want to do or we didn't finish college or we didn't even go to college or the thing we are selling is only worth so much or we are burned out (there is some truth to burnout here, but often burnout comes from our not valuing ourselves enough to say when or to move on when we need to) or yada, yada, yada.
In reality maybe there is only one reason we self sabotage when we hit any kind of ceiling (unless you are in an attic like mine where standing up is only possible for 3 year olds) and that reason is fear and that fear comes from our (often unconscious) beliefs about our self worth.
Author Gay Hendricks (The Big Leap) says we know we have uncovered one of our own personal upper limits when
"a negative emotional reaction occurs when something positive enters our lives".
This may not be an exact quote since I don't have the book anymore and Google isn't pulling it up, but when I heard this years ago I knew it was big.
When something positive happens we should feel good, right?
But sometimes we don't. Sometimes we immediately start thinking something will go wrong now - this good thing won't last or we can't get this lucky without something bad happening next (this one is often the unconscious belief of money in/ money out people) or whatever thoughts come up for us that turn some positive happening into a negative emotion (and we don't want this remember those neuropeptides!).
Self sabotage will probably show up in our business lives as one side of the polarities of procrastination vs rushing things, non action vs nonstop action, perfectionism vs sloppiness, not being able to make a decision vs split second decisions we regret, distractability vs unnecessary focus on minor details, overcharging vs. undercharging, hoarding vs releasing too much -
basically extremes in our behavior based in fear that screw things up for us (if self worth is a very big issue or if we are very young, sometimes before we even really get started, but most often when we reach an unconscious upper limit ceiling).
This is the stuff that happens when we lose a bunch of weight and feel really good and start getting more attention ... and then it starts to feel totally weird. So we go to the fridge and eat a gallon of ice cream.
1. Look for recurring patterns in your life. These patterns may not show up in the same area of our life every time. They may happen all at once or many years apart. They may not look like they have anything to do with our self worth or our business or our money - it doesn't matter, just look for patterns.
2. Talk about these patterns out loud and listen to our language - the words we choose to use to explain things matters, a lot.
3. If you are interested check the astrological houses and see if there is a connection with these patterns there that might be helpful to think about
4. We know ourselves better than anyone else does - where do we think these patterns come from?
The first work toward releasing any kind of pattern is forgiveness and compassion; toward the people and situations in our past and most importantly toward ourselves.
For my job loss situation in Part I - I was mighty pissed at the injustice of the situation. I was mad I didn't get the closure I wanted and I wanted justice. When I ran into another fired ex-banker who was so angry and depressed and talking about her situation that had occurred the year before as if it had occurred yesterday, I knew life was showing me my future. I knew I wasn't going to get justice from a lawsuit. I knew the only person who could give me justice was me.
So, I looked for patterns. I listened to my language about "justice" and "closure" - I thought about other times people and situations were unjust to me, other times I faced abrupt endings without closure. I made a list. I took the time to think about each situation and person. I forgave the people connected to the current situation and all the past situations. I forgave myself.
My mantra became the powerful mantra Ho'oponopono Hawaiian practice of forgiveness and reconciliation:
"I am sorry. Please forgive me. I love you. Thank you. "
We say "I'm sorry" because we acknowledge our part in what is happening - trust me we do not draw big experiences without being a vibrational match for them and we become a vibrational match by agreeing to the experience (often at an unconscious level). We say "Please forgive me" because forgiveness works to release us from the energy of a memory. We say "I love you" because love is all there is and we say "Thank you" because we are truly grateful for the growth the experience gives us.
If you want to work with a Goddess on compassion - an excellent Goddess is Kuan Yin. You can say "Kuan Yin, please help me to show compassion and forgiveness with this situation!"
Note - when seeking Goddesses it helps to expect them.
It helps to soften our gaze so we might detect a slight movement in the shadows, a minute heaviness in the air around us, a breeze across our shoulders in a closed space or odd alertness in our body as though someone was standing right next to us. Trust that she is there. Just one world away from us really - nodding, prodding, laughing and encouraging.
Next up Part III why our money mindset matters - more actions to increase our self worth so our business draws the stuff we want to line up with (and I will connect this back to why it's easier to build a business if we need the money but not if we really need the money in the final part V)
Forgiveness work is a life long process. We don't have to forgive something 100% for the energy to shift and change to happen or none of us would ever move forward. Life is like a spiral and as we move up the spiral we encounter the same sticky points again and again until we clear them. This is totally OK and the way this stuff works.
Monday, March 17, 2014
Prior to making stuff for a living, I worked in a bank.
I started as a bank teller with $100 in the bank and owed $100 on a Stern's (now Macy's) credit card and left 10 years later as a vice president with $10,000 in the bank and owed $10,000 on a Citibank credit card.
I was really good at helping other people make and save and grow their money, but for me - the money came in, the money went out.
Now I always had enough money (we did buy a house somewhere in there, took our daughter to Disney World a couple times, yada yada). Hubs and I never had to fight over money (which is one of the main things couples fight about and probably one of the reasons we are still together) although I had been known to remove a price tag or two (or twenty) in secret.
I thought I had good money karma/luck - the money always came in just before I needed it. But, I always needed it.
It didn't stick.
(imagine duct tape covered with sweater lint here, but maybe not if you are eating your lunch)
Being sticky was not really on my radar. My money mindset was all about flow.
I saw money through two lenses - the lens of spirit; money as energy that needs to moving, no need to hold onto it, there is always enough for me and the lens of the bank where money comes in as deposits and moves out as loans and money is made on the difference in interest between deposits and loans and on the float.
(note - this isn't how banks make money now unfortunately, now things are a lot more risky)
I thought these lenses (is this the plural of lens - this looks so wrong) were working well for me until right around the time of my first Saturn Return - KABOOM. CRASH. JOB GONE.
Now this kaboom, crash thing that sounded like life as I knew it hitting the floor and felt like a tractor trailer to my ego wasn't really out of the blue at all. I knew I was burned out. I knew my astrology chart. I had been doing the Course in Miracles. I had been asking life to find the quickest path for me to get on about the business I was here for. I wanted to be happy. I knew I was doing exactly the kind of shit that changes things.
Once I lost my job I had no more money coming in, but I still had that pesky need to cover the money going out.
I started manifesting on the outside what I had been creating on the inside for years by giving more than I was getting.
(note - when we request help or guidance from spirit it is not incorrect to imagine the Goddesses jumping about and shouting "Oh, YES, now we've got a project!")
Everything that happens is a reflection of what we believe about ourselves. We cannot draw to ourselves more than we think we are worth. We cannot outperform our level of self esteem.
I wasn't so much pissed that life kicked me in the ass as I was totally awed by the serendipity that created complete and total change. Actually, to be honest I was pissed, too.
(maybe I should rate this post R for Cat can't stop cursing today)
Technically I quit my job. In reality I signed a resignation letter human resources had prepared for me to sign in lieu of them firing me. I hired an employment lawyer and thought I would "sue the bastards" (I did rate this post R, remember). Then I unexpectedly ran into (more Goddess magic, no doubt) a woman who had been fired from the bank the year before. She was still angry and bitter and out of work. I didn't want that to be me. I un-hired the lawyer.
I also knew that this change was created by me. Even if it looked like "they did me wrong" to the outside world.
At the time I blamed burn out (and there was truth to that), but greater forces were at play here.
I was about to step into a new position within the bank that was highly visible. I had been promoted many times and always done well; leaning in to new positions, doing what had to be done, yada, yada - been there done that.
I had always worked with wealthy people. I had always worked for them in a service position though, even as a bank manager. This new position involved playing golf and having dinner with very wealthy clients, schmoozing them (can anyone really imagine me schmoozing) and becoming a peer to the bank's most senior management. When they looked at me they saw a peer because they were only seeing my outside. My inside was just a poor girl from the sticks in New Jersey. My inside didn't match my outside anymore. Something had to give.
For this promotion I would have had to outperform my own level of self esteem, which is something I now believe is just not possible.
Most people at this point get sick or self sabotage. It doesn't look like these things are conscious creations because we do this stuff unconsciously - we literally have to, we can't live with the split.
Monica Lewinsky didn't destroy Bill Clinton's reputation - his being required to outperform his self esteem did.
Self sabotage is a tricky beast because it doesn't always show up right away and it's not always easy to see the connection between what we think we want (that our self esteem is not lining up with) and the actions we are taking. A lot of people self sabotage themselves right now with the self defeating behavior of internet surfing (looking here, there and everywhere and never getting anything done). The lack of motivation and focus that are often at the center of depression have their roots in our self esteem, too (depression is the shadow side of creation, so listen up makers).
There are actionable things I have done for this (and continue to do, life is a process and I definitely don't have it all figured out) that work for me - they include forgiveness exercises, EFT, money releases, changing money habits, boundaries, the "who do we think we are stuff", astrology and more - so next post actionable stuff we can do to get our inner self to line up with the outer self we are reaching for.
(note - doing the exercises changes the outer self, too - sometimes the things we think we want are not really the stuff we are wanting)
next up Part II why our money mindset matters - taking action to increase our self worth so we draw the stuff we want to line up with (and Part III will tie this back into our businesses and why needing money is a good thing for makers)
Friday, March 14, 2014
Full Moon in Virgo on Sunday! This is the culmination of September's Virgo new moon.
With Virgo we have the archetype that holds the energy of "here is what I should be, here is what I could be and here is what I would look like if I got everything right" with the simultaneous thought "here is who I actually am" (warts and all, not that Virgos have warts, of course).
This tension of what is real and what is ideal is the fundamental tension of the Virgo archetype.
Traditionally Virgo is the sign of the servant and healer. Virgo is also the skilled craftsperson - the archetype of being good at something, of taking the time to learn and do something well.
(when Martha says "it's a good thing" she is channeling her inner Virgo, which is probably her sun sign or sits in Venus, have to look her up)
So in Virgo we gain dignity and self respect from being good at something that is useful to other people.
If you were born with your sun in Virgo this is the basic way you process life, moon in Virgo; the basic way you experience your feelings about life and if your ascendant is in Virgo; the basic way you appear to others - the mask you wear.
(people who think Virgos are fussy or nitpicky are totally missing the point and also forgetting we all have Virgo in our charts - the Virgo message of things worth doing being worth doing well and the value of these things lying within their value to others is probably the exact paradigm that will get everyone who is out of work back to work now - it is no coincidence Virgo rules the 6th house of work and health)
The Virgo full moon reminds us that we will find right work. This right work may not be something we will be paid to do. It's not about the money.
This is about being good at something that is valuable to other people.
It's not about having other people recognize our value - Virgo is the leg of our hero's journey that comes after Leo where we took center stage and got our applause. Virgo is the space where we release, at least a little bit, our need to be recognized.
*I read in the Harvard Review this week that what women want from work is social respect and what men want is complex challenges. It made me furious to realize this sexist blubber fit hubs and I exactly. I wanted to throw up and to run screaming into the night - I am just waiting for Sunday's full moon.*
At the time of the Virgo Full Moon we have this "how it is" vs "how it could be" itchiness manifest for all of us.
This is a very grounded full moon (even with our watery Pisces sun) and we are able to manifest the work and health stuff we have been working on more fully.
The full moon isn't a culmination moon exactly, although it does often bring the curtain down on some act in our story or open the door fully so we can see our next step. Think back to our Virgo New Moon intentions from September. It's a great time to take a big step toward something - the full moon reflects plenty of Pisces sun to light up our paths and will be supportive to physical action.
Lots of craziness and stress ahead in April- so enjoy this weekend. Time to howl peeps! xo all
Thursday, March 13, 2014
When I was in banking the banks in my county would bid annually on the county's surrogate account money. This was money the surrogate court was holding for people who had inheritances, lawsuits, winnings, etc when the money had to be held in trust for them for some reason.
One year we won the bidding war and our bank got to invest this money, which was tens of millions of dollars, and my branch got to open and service these accounts.
We quickly noticed no matter how much investment advice and money counseling we offered the people who were receiving regular payouts from inheritances and lawsuits, they (I don't mean anyone with mental or physical disabilities here) often did not make a move to move on with their lives until their money was completely gone.
Faced with monthly statements showing their declining balances, people still had to be dead broke with the sheriff holding an eviction notice at the front door before they could wake up to the fact these payments were over. It was time to get a job.
This isn't about laziness. Sometimes we need our backs against the wall so we have something to push off against.
It works the same when we are building a business. It is hard to build a business we will care about if we do not need money because every business requires us to do stuff we don't want to do.
But it is even harder to build a business if we REALLY need the money because our decisions will be skewed by the money - it's too easy to lose track of the fact our business has to be about the value we bring to other people before that value comes back to us in the form of dollar signs in our bank account.
So, I'm going to start a new series about money and our businesses next week.
And I will be back tomorrow with my take on the Virgo Full Moon we get to experience this weekend. xo all
Thursday, March 6, 2014
I think people and situations come to us to play out in front of us the energy we are carrying. We can literally look at everything in our lives as manifesting the energies we carry.
We carry this energy through our beliefs.
Changing our beliefs is at the root of changing how things are working in our life.
This is how good stuff takes us to more good stuff and bad stuff can lead us quickly to everything falling apart.
(especially if we have spent many years and probably many lifetimes creating keyholes for the belief that creates the emotion that feels "I am not safe" - this is the real meaning of karma - the reaping what we sow and repeating what we sow labeling of a feeling)
This is why affirmations work for some people but not others. Speaking positive words and writing positive words and hearing positive words changes the space we occupy. But we can move out of that space very quickly
(think about how we can be in a great mood and then someone cuts us off in traffic and we get mad, instantly - unconsciously flashing to all the other times in our life where someone has gotten ahead of us or been faster than us or something has just come out of nowhere and put us in our place)
if that space does not line up with our beliefs.
I know makers who have literally put themselves out of business by following the advice to double their prices. Not because this is bad advice (although sometimes it is) and not because there aren't customers for their new price range but because they themselves didn't line up with their new prices!
(and I am not saying that people who make and sell more expensive items have different beliefs than people who sell inexpensive items, but if the earring fits ... )
So, to create more good for ourselves we are 1. telling our stories in the best way possible, 2. focusing on how we want to feel, 3. meditating and 4. celebrating - how does this stuff look within our business?
#1. We stop comparing our work to anyone else's work - we stop comparing our business to anyone else's business. There is not a competition going on here (and we would be comparing our inside to someone else's outside anyway).
We are all here for different things (and none of us are here to make jewelry or sweaters, trust me) - we have all been through different things - we all have different ways of looking at the world.
And the world we are seeing is manifested just for us based on the energy we are carrying.
I see the world through the lens of mythology. There was no way I would have ever given my mother the satisfaction of saying I Love Jesus, but I would have felt perfectly comfortable making her perfectly uncomfortable by talking about Athena and Lilith.
Myth is social instruction. It's story that gets handed down through the generations to teach us how to be good members of the collective. So, it's about teaching people how to behave or not behave which is why although I embrace it, I am also a little suspicious of it, too ...
(I have found the archetypes based on the myths to be as real as rain though)
We don't complain about customers, ever. It is really weird to me when people go on Facebook and complain about their customers. People who do this all the time are not doing themselves any favors. They will just be attracting, through their attention to these stories, more and more of these problem customers right into their businesses.
For the rest of us, they are doing us a favor because we get to feel how much we appreciate our own customers.
All business owners see the truth of this - we have all had that problem customer situation where everything goes wrong - first something happens and we ship late, then we realize something is wrong with what we have shipped, so we email the customer to explain and we call them Shirley instead of Susan. Ouch.
Everything goes from bad to worse.
No doubt the customer is late ordering for the birthday of someone they don't even want to shop for - this energy lines up with our distracted energy, even if we have had 100 perfect transactions that day that didn't, and we have a catastrophe in the making. Of course, if we eventually handle this situation well, that extreme energy will flip to the other extreme and the customer will become a loyal buyer for life.
The key is to be languaging any problem as a problem situation never as a problem customer.
We are not dealing with a problem customer, since there is no such thing, just a problem situation or even better a challenging situation. This way of thinking makes all the difference to the final outcome.
We tell the best stories about our business. If we can't tell good stories- we just shut up.
#2 We focus on the feel good emotions. We make a list of how we want our business to make us feel - why are we doing this thing we are doing?
Our list might include : proud, organized, responsible, independent, creative, collaborative, abundant, etc.
We read this list everyday focusing on feeling the emotion - we can just make stuff up that we need to in order to feel these emotions - studies show our brains can't tell the difference.
#3. We meditate. If we go to the post office and find - surprise, surprise - there is no line and we are in and out - close your eyes in the car and sit for 10 minutes. Waiting for our modgepodge to dry? Good time to meditate. Downloading a report, printing labels, about to make an important phone call - tell your brain "I'm not going to need you for a few minutes, my friend" and shut it down.
#4. Celebrate the good stuff - don't wait for the good stuff to happen. This is about being, not doing. Celebrate the good stuff that is coming and the good stuff we already have. Last night I celebrated my bills.
(yes, those things I used to toss on the backseat of my car and forget to pay)
I celebrated life's belief in my future earning ability. I celebrated my ability to stay open to new avenues and new ideas for abundance. I celebrated the business I have built here based on my collaboration with the companies I am now paying.
I wrote the checks with my favorite pen, used the magical new Harry Potter stamps
(yes, I request my post office order me the special stamps collectors get and then I use them)
thanked the electric company for my lights and the cable company for my beloved internet and celebrated with a vanilla soy candle and 2 episodes of Downton Abbey.
I have some astrological happening to post about - hopefully I will get that post up before the weekend. xo all
Wednesday, March 5, 2014
Creating and celebrating the good stuff presents more and more opportunities to practice gratitude.
If we could practice gratitude at all times - we would be a superwoman who made our desires manifest almost instantly. If you do not believe this, practice feeling gratitude as often as possible for a while and see for yourself what happens.
It's not possible to feel grateful without feeling good.
We can feel grateful for feeling good (ie things are going our way, our bodies are healthy, etc) or we can work from the even more powerful space of feeling good by way of feeling grateful.
So, let's say we have made the decision to eat healthier and then - we eat a doughnut.
(why is spell check not allowing me to spell this glazed devil "donut" - I guess donut is just a dunkin' thing - how have I forgotten this?)
But let's say before we decided to eat healthier we would have chowed down on 3 doughnuts.
Well, we know from science that beating our self up is not a good thing. If we personalize our feelings and beliefs we are investing them with too much emotional power and our brain will be flooding our body with neuropeptides on the search for cells with keyholes labeled "I screwed up".
(this is what karma really is - the belief we put on that emotion so we can be sure we reap what we sow and so we can be sure we repeat what we sow - our beliefs create both)
Once we start feeling grateful for the little things we once called "not enough" ie - "I'm so grateful for the willpower to stop at one doughnut, YAY FOR ME" - we will know we are doing enough because we are choosing to feel grateful.
Quantum science (and spirituality) tells us that giving and receiving are really the exact same experience - they are just being viewed from two different perspectives. It's the same with all kinds of contrast.
We can even find gratitude in things we previously would have labeled "yuck" because it is the "yuck" we don't want that teaches us what we do want - this is a planet where we evolve from contrast after all. We get to make our own rules with this.
Now the step after feeling grateful is to feel great (full of great actually) - so we celebrate it.
It's best if we have someone (or a whole lot of someones) in our life we can opening brag about ourselves to - without having to apologize or toss in statements of humility. Humility can be a good thing, but for this exercise we are giving humility the boot (grab your Uggs and give him one of those drop kick corner moves we learned in soccer). If we do not have this someone, we can totally brag to ourselves, or our pets, I brag to Olive.
When I started this blog I planned to document the growth of my business along with the growth of my puppy. But I started thinking that no one would want to read about all the good stuff that happened - that I would be bragging. I thought it would be funnier to write/whine about the "bad" stuff and it was and so I did .. until I found myself looking for stuff to whine about and then more and more whine-worthy stuff started happening to me (I tried to think of this as wine-worthy stuff - since I need the corks and all, but it got harder and harder) - I realized this was not a good thing for me to be creating.
I have found a good way to celebrate is to make myself a list of rewards (3 hours at the library, 2 episodes of Downton, a movie in the middle of the day, the beach for 3 hours, a long soak, etc)
and celebrate the thing I am grateful for.
We are totally allowed to trick our self with this stuff - this isn't about earning rewards.
(school's out folks)
This is about choosing to celebrate what we are grateful for.
When my daughter was little we had all kinds of celebrations that we no longer have. Just last month both hubs and my birthdays passed almost unnoticed (by us - this isn't about other people - we were sick at the time, but we told ourselves we would party later and now we are 30 days later and still haven't celebrated). We need to take celebrating seriously if we want to see some serious results from it. I am ordering the party hats.
There are more ideas for celebrating HERE.
Up next part 5 - how to tie all this stuff into our business (yes, I sometimes remember this is a business blog) xo all
Tuesday, March 4, 2014
more reasons you should be meditating - plus sex advice, parenting advice and something sticky hits the wall
I was going to move this series on to 'celebrate good times'
(and if I just put that awesome Kool and the Gang song in your head .. you're welcome .. and if I didn't, here it is)
but I think I need another post about meditation. Because some people read the words "you should be meditating" and what they hear is "this is one more thing you need to do, why aren't you doing this - you loser you".
(and now that I write "this is one more thing you need to do" I am thinking about sex. If you are married as long as I am Dear Reader you might remember a time - maybe when your kids were little, maybe when you were working a lot, maybe last week - when sex was the last thing on your mind, but maybe it wasn't the last thing on Mr. Reader's mind - and of course, this scenario works equally well in reverse, if you, Dear Reader are the Mr. Reader.
It sort of felt like one more thing someone wanted you to do when you just wanted/needed to go to sleep. And Mr. Reader would get annoyed or resentful because often men get mad instead of sad.
Well, if you are lucky enough to still be together many years later this whole thing might have reversed itself on you - which is actually kind of cool in a way because Mr. Reader gets to experience how it feels to have one more thing someone wants him to do when he is exhausted and learn that he actually wasn't being rejected at all and you get to see that his annoyance was actually hurt feelings and understand that yes, in fact, you were rejecting him because that is exactly how you feel now.
Not that this ever happens to hubs and me, of course, but if it happens to you and especially if you are in Act 1 of this little play, it is something to think about; a new way of thinking about what the other person is actually experiencing - just don't think about it while you are meditating.)
Back to this meditation message - it can be annoying. I get it. Because when I am meditating I can't believe I ever let my practice slip ... and then I let my practice slip.
I don't think that will happen this time though - I think my practice is really sticky this time. It's meditate or medicate this time.
(remember those things we threw on the wall as kids and they slithered down the wall, sticky like that - and if you are thinking I mean slinkys, I do not mean slinkys, I mean the sticky, gummy things not the metal spiral things but if you were throwing your slinkys against the wall - you really need to be meditating, so listen up)
One of the ways you will know you need to meditate is when you start doing some really inefficient unconscious meditating.
This is otherwise known as "spacing out".
You drive to work and do not remember those last 11 miles or you find your car keys in the freezer next to your wallet or you intend to drive to the post office and end up 5 miles past the post office before you realize what you are doing.
If you are absent minded, spacey or confused - get yourself to a meditation cushion now.
You are full. You need to release all the stuff you are carrying; the stuff that has glommed onto you from other people and plenty of your own stuff, too. Meditation will release this stuff for you. I promise.
(someone recently said to me "I keep releasing, releasing, releasing, when do I get to keep anything?" Ha! She cracked me up - then I said "Oh really, what exactly have you released?" And she proceeded to tell me about the closets she'd emptied and the attic she cleaned out. And I said, "Great!" then I said, because I know she is very vocal about her grown son making choices she does not agree with, "releasing is also about letting go of trying to control people and letting go is about accepting other people's choices" - she got quiet, then told me she had some more closets to empty ... which is OK, of course, everything in its own time - this is a process and creating physical space is always a good thing.)
HERE are 20 more reasons to meditate.
Nemetona is the Celtic Goddess who protected ancient ceremonial sites. We can connect with her energy to build an altar in our home; a little place of retreat and refuge for yourself ....