Part III - why our money mindset matters - tapping into business success and releasing money guilt using EFT and the 2nd house


In astrology money is 2nd house stuff; the 2nd house rules our finances, our values, our possessions, even our talent but what really shows up in the 2nd house is our self worth. It rules what money can buy and what it can't buy. This is the space where we pull our own weight in the world. This space is ruled by the planet Venus and the sign of Taurus.

Most people think of Taurus as represented by the stubborn bull and they can be, but Taurus is really the space in the zodiac that expresses our need for stability and grounding - ain't nothing moving that bull if he don't want to be moved.

(yes, I am going to talk about grounding again - this stuff is all connected plus I am obsessed we know this)

They always benefit by being out in nature,

(a Taurus in the city will not be a pleasant person to be around for long unless allowed a cat, dog or at least a fish tank, plenty of plants and frequent trips to the country)

peace and quiet, hands in the dirt, music in their ears and sensual touch

(think cuddles, hot baths, massages - the kind of touch that feels like safety).

Because Taurus is the natural ruler of the 2nd house the things that strengthen Taurus will strengthen our own 2nd houses, too.

(yes, the same 2nd house that holds our money, our values and our self worth - if you know who is hanging out in your 2nd house and where Venus and Taurus are in your natal chart, you can also work with that energy)

It could seem like taking a hot bath is not something that will make us any money, but it may be exactly what we need to feel safe and cared for. This is the rich soil of self nurturing that grows money best.

Anyhoo, on to tapping (not the kind with the awesome shoes - sorry!).

I first read about tapping and the Emotional Freedom Technique through Jack Canfield - the Chicken Soup for the Soul Guy.

It's a form of accupressure and is a simple exercise that you do to yourself.

Tapping works on the theory that negative emotional experiences disturb the energy meridians that run through our bodies. When we use our fingertips to tap on specific points on our face, head and body while focusing on a negative feeling, EFT quickly realigns the energy meridians associated with those particular thoughts and memories and allows healing to occur.

It is an excellent tool and you can do it almost anywhere. Google around and find some information and videos. Cheryl Richardson has one here. She is talking about anxiety but it works exactly the same with our beliefs.

I use the "Even though I have this fear - naming the fear", or "Even though I have this memory - naming the memory - I deeply and completely accept myself." There is something about the pressure on specific energy points while our body is hearing these words that allows our body to reset itself. It's amazingly effective.

With EFT we take responsibility for calming and soothing ourselves and changing our negative mood or belief instead of waiting for some external thing to come along or happen to change it - it allows us to take our power back. I think that is my favorite thing about it, plus it really does work. Try it for a week and see what happens.

So, what kind of negative belief or memory should we be tapping on to change our money mindset?

Make a list of your money memories or negative beliefs about money you want to release.

I will tell you one of mine that relates to my job loss story from Part I and Part II.

Even though I had technically 'quit' my job I filed for unemployment and since my employer did not want to fight me on this, I got it. I had a much loved uncle and one day I was over his house, no doubt whining about my job loss, but also complaining about the dollar amount of the unemployment check I was about to receive.

My uncle, born in 1924, had probably never worked a week where he made more than $400 in his life.

When I complained about the unemployment amount, he said "you should be grateful you have that". I was immediately filled with guilt. The guilt wasn't about any lack of gratitude on my part, but that I had embarrassed my uncle with my words.

And of course, what I internalized was - "who are you to deserve/ask for more than that?"

When I started thinking about the way money flowed in and out of my life and didn't stick to me, this was one of the memories that came up for me. I knew it told me a lot about my family heritage with money, what I grew up believing I was worth and the ways I self-sabotaged my own stability with guilt over having more than the others around me. I did the forgiveness exercise in the previous post and tapped to release the negative beliefs.

(our memories are always a doorway to our beliefs - asking ourselves why do we remember this particular thing among the gazillion things that have happened to us)

Negative money memories (beliefs) need to be released if we do not want to be sabotaging our business when we hit our income comfort zone.

Often I think I have released something because I have released it in my mind, but my body is still holding onto it.

Many years ago I had a rolfing session with an experienced practitioner and while he was working on my shoulder I had a flash memory of a collection of smiley face stickers on a metal background. It took me about a week to remember these stickers were stickers I had stuck to a metal slide in my backyard when I was a child. I had broken my collarbone when I was nine years old on that slide. When the rolfer (rolfer?) worked on my shoulder, that unconscious memory, stored in my right shoulder, was released. Truly this is self-acceptance at a soul level we are working on with this.

Women often feel guilt about debt more strongly than men do. If you think you will feel better about yourself when you are out of debt you probably won't.

(well maybe for 10 minutes until you celebrate your debt-free status at your favorite restaurant with your Mastercard)

If you let the current state of your wallet dictate your self-worth it will be dictating the future state of your wallet, too. Re-framing your thinking about your debt as life's belief in your future earning ability might help.

When I was in banking I worked with people who had declared bankruptcy. Generally men bounced back faster. They were usually able to separate their money from themselves, "it's just business", they would say, even about their own personal finances. They would file for bankruptcy one week and be in the bank asking me how to get their credit fixed the next. Women often seemed to carry more guilt.

If you have declared bankruptcy - tapping and forgiveness work can help.

Banks who lent you money expecting to get it back took a risk. That's how banks work. They are gamblers, and it’s part of their business to lose sometimes. They have long ago moved on and you should, too.

(this isn't a reason to not pay our debts, but some people have debts that have been legally excused for years still casting shadows on their self-worth)

Everyone needs an investment program. Don't think about saving your money for a rainy day because you will inevitably have one with this way of thinking. You are not saving money - money needs to flow. You are investing your money.

(even if your investment looks oddly like your sock drawer right now).

But don't really use your sock drawer. Money likes to be respected - it is part of our 2nd house family of self-worth after all. Some other tips are HERE.

Next up - Part IV -  tying this back into our businesses (for real this time) and why it's easier to build a business when we need the money, but not when we REALLY need the money

New Moon in Aries - Cardinal Cross - Action Jackson - NOW the New Year Really Starts ...


I will get back to my money series next week!

We have the first New Moon of the astrological year on Sunday in the "take no prisoners" sign of Aries. This has an energetic connection to April's once in a lifetime planetary activities for all of us.

(more on this next week)

Uranus is really calling the shots here. Jupiter is squaring it and Mars is opposing it, but Mars rules Aries and is hanging out in Libra (justice, balance, relationship). Uranus is about change. And we have Pluto in Capricorn representing the parts in all of us that are desperately trying to hang on to the stuff that is based in fear, the stuff that is crumbling, the stuff that is familiar.

Next month's activity is once in a lifetime, folks.


On Sunday let's set intentions and apply our focus to Aries stuff. Aries is the first sign so rules newness. What does it take to embrace the new? It takes courage.

Aries is very self sufficient. This is the energy of "me". The baby of the zodiac. They can't always see the other person's side of things because if they did they wouldn't be able to take quick, decisive action and that quick decisive action is what they are here to manifest.

Aries doesn't have the staying power of some other signs; he doesn't need it. Aries isn't the cross country race. Aries is that first powerful kick off at the starting line.

Aries isn't about winning or losing (maybe don't tell that to an Aries sun sign); Aries is about daring to start that race in the first place. Aries supports jumping in and taking action. He doesn't promise us that we will come out a winner or even come out alive (yes he's ruled by Mars and he's badass), but he does promise us we will have evolved from the experience.

This doesn't have to be about us jumping out of an airplane or starting a new job or launching a new business (although it could be) - this might be about us standing in the Home Depot paint aisle with a can of our old familiar Tender Taupe in one hand and Behr's New Shoot Green in the other and with a nod to our own Arian energy tossing that Taupe (be careful this stuff might be combustible because we are pretty much on fire now) back on the shelf where it will grow dust bunnies and cobwebs because we have started a New Shoot Green revolution!

And with every coat on our kitchen wall we are channeling the Goddess Athena and howling at the moon (we may hate this color later, who cares - we may repaint it, that's not the point).

The point is we are a different people now. We have evolved and that's what we're here for. We didn't come for the outcome, the outcome has already been decided. We all win in the end. We came for the experience. Aries knows this.

When deciding between familiar and new right now - we choose new and then we let the choice change us.

This is an excellent time for energetic support to make changes with things ruled by Aries : the head (headaches, acne, eyes, brain), the overall physical self, exploration, initiative, courage, leadership, strength, stubbornness, impulsiveness, temper tantrums, anger, stress from inaction - what do we need more of in our lives, what are we needing to release. Now is the time to set intentions for this stuff.

AFFIRMATION TIPS: get into a happy frame of mind - always make affirmations from a  positive place - write your affirmations down by hand in script, speak them out loud - I write my affirmations on strips of paper and burn them, releasing the ashes into moving water - then release your attention from these things knowing that your intention is known. Know these things are already yours.

Have a nice weekend everyone! The world she is a changing. I just realized how many people I know who have broken or injured their feet or toes over the last few months - we are all trying to stand on shifting sand now, this is tricky stuff (also a lot of people navigating some depression) - remember this stuff is transitory as we move into a higher consciousness - this New Moon is really a continuation of the Libra New Moon in 2013 and the Capricorn New Moon in January - this is cardinal sign stuff - more on this next week. xo all

Using Astrology and Moon Timing to Launch Your New Product


Now, I do not believe in fortune telling (although these folks look pretty damn reliable, don't you think) but I do believe in right timing.

For anyone launching a creative venture - business, product, book, etc - knowledge of astrology and the moon can be extremely helpful.

The best and most accurate right timing would be personalized to our own natal chart and our business's chart, but there are some general things we can talk about here that apply pretty universally.

First off - unless you absolutely, positively must launch something creative when Mercury or Venus is retrograde - don't. I would try to avoid Mars retrograde periods also. These 3 periods cover almost half of 2014, so we can't always avoid them, but be prepared to be doing revisions and dealing with increased glitches and setbacks.

Of course, sometimes this is exactly the stuff that separates the men from the boys and the women from the girls and makes us and our launches stronger - so if you must move ahead during these periods just move fearlessly and know you can do it! 

The muscles you are building now will be needed later anyway.

THE MOON:

The moon is fast moving; changing astrological signs every 2.5 days and working its way through its entire cycle in 28 days (through all the signs and from new to waxing to full to waning and back to new).

The Moon is ruled by the sign of Cancer. Cancer is the mother energy that is all about beginnings - tenderly nurturing and appreciating the newness of things.

The New Moon is the time when the skies go dark (the moon is between the earth and the sun). We can't see the new moon (until it forms a crescent later on in the week) - it is literally the time we are "in the dark".

Now, remember everything starts life in the dark as a thought (think seeds in the ground). This is the beginning part which only feels like the beginning part if we are paying attention.

This is the time of pure potential - use it well, but we don't want to actually launch something new at the New Moon (I know it sounds like a good time, but the moon is not so physically strong at this time). The moon should not be void of course either.

The best time to launch something new is the time between the new moon and the full moon - the time when the moon is waxing (appearing to grow larger in the night sky). Ideally we want the moon sextiling the sun or trining the sun - this would be 5 days after the new moon or 10 days after the new moon.

THE SUN:

The sun is strongest in a fire sign. The fire signs are Aries, Leo and Sagittarius.

(now I am speaking generally here all sun signs have positive qualities that can work for creation)

The best time to launch something new is when the sun is in Aries (March 21 - April 19 and ruled by Mars the planet of action), Leo (July 23rd - August 22 and ruled by the sun) or Sagittarius (November 22 - December 21st and ruled by Jupiter the planet of good luck).

THE PLANETS:

Some planets are generally more important than others for your new business or product. Mercury rules communication so it is important. Saturn rules structure and hard work and the 10th house so he is important - there is no excellent placement for him, but some are better than others. If your creative venture is a creative venture you want to take a look at Venus (she rules the arts) - it is important she be well placed. Jupiter brings good luck and expansion so we do not want to waste her. I would shoot for a time when Jupiter is in the 1st, 5th, 9th or 11th house.

THE HOUSES:

Who is ruling the first house? The first house represents the business. Who is ruling the 2nd house? The second house is our values and our money. Who is ruling the 10th house? The tenth house is all about our reputation and status. Who is ruling our 7th house of customers and partners - I wouldn't want Saturn hanging out there and bringing me challenging customers who make me work harder. Also check where the natural rulers of these houses have landed - that would be Mars, Venus, Saturn Capricorn & Libra.

So, how do we time the signs and houses the planets are in when we launch?

Pull an astrology chart for the date and time you are thinking of launching HERE - even if you have no knowledge of astrology or interest in learning you can read about your creation as if it is a person (not in a businesses are people kind of way, but sort of) - is this someone you would like spending time with? Does this sound like someone who would offer value to the world? Think about what you are looking to do with your new business - does this sound like someone who could do it?

Use your intuition with this.

If you are able to compare your own natal chart with this new chart it would be a huge benefit. There are astrologers online who can do this. It is a bit of work so likely won't be cheap. The truth is though, that no one knows you and what you are creating with your life and your work better than you do.

Astrology is more about what events mean than it is about predicting them; feeling charts rather than studying them.

It is the emotional journey of planet Earth we are all here for, after all.

There are no outcome guarantees with anything we do, so we always want to be moving toward what makes us happy. And obviously we can have the most spectacularly fertile ground for a launch and it we do not then water the ground, rake out the weeds and provide lots of sun and attention even the strongest seeds will not grow. It surely isn't a bad thing to check the soil first though ....

I believe the most powerful and soulful business technique we can nurture is a quiet mind.

I know from my own life when I am unbalanced and "trust my gut" I come from a place of fear (think : knots in your stomach, things we can't stomach, eyes bigger than our stomach) - I always attract exactly the crap I am trying to avoid.

When I am actively quieting my mind on a regular basis and "trust my heart" I come from a place of love (think : heartfelt, heartful, know by heart, change of heart, close to your heart) - things always go smoother. There is a total guarantee of happily ever after with this because this kind of happiness is not circumstance dependent.

Play around with the times for your location and really think about what you are looking to create within your own life with this launch - I am especially liking the days of April 4th (Friday ruled by Venus - art), April 5th (Saturday ruled by Saturn - business) and April 9th (Wednesday ruled by Mercury - communication - unless you are an over-thinker, Wednesday's child is full of woe and worry after all). Of course we still have Mars retrograde so if you can wait until he moves direct - or ideally wait until July when all the retrograde energy is past - that will be even better!

What does launch mean? Well, that is really up to you because our beliefs and intentions are key here. I once sat outside my county business office waiting for the right time to register my business name (this is inexpensive and a great way to establish a launch date, time and place). If you sell on Etsy you can certainly determine a good time to press that list button. You can not go wrong with this kind of mindfulness.

NOTE - I give this advice and all advice on this blog with my usual disclaimer:

Disclaimer - I cannot be held responsible for any actions you might take from reading any of my posts - please keep this in mind if you end up in your parents' basement obsessed with pinterest and green tea.

(unless of course, this would be an improvement over your current living situation, in which case, I take full credit)

Sun Moves into Aries - Happy Spring Equinox Everyone!

my Aries locket 15% off thru 4/30 with coupon code BRAVE
The astrological year begins in Aries. We are definitely all ready to begin again!

(after this winter weather and all these retrogrades we are really ready for spring here - Mars, Aries ruler, is retrograde until late May, so if you are still feeling a lessening of interest, initiative and enthusiasm, hang in there!)

Aries is the initiator sign - the baby being birthed from the womb of Pisces. Think about how fearless a little baby ventures into life. We all have that power within us.

Aries in our chart shows us where, in our journey, we have reached the space where we need to get braver.

Aries sun signs are here to face their fears - to learn the lesson of the warrior.

This is not the energy of the general who plans the army's every move; not the guy who thinks strategically. This is the energy of the soldier who runs into battle with his sword held high (think Braveheart's Scottish warriors with this one).

These guys may have been running to their deaths, but for their Aries energy this was more rapture than suicide.

Aries is the initiator; the first one to shrug their shoulders and jump into the untested, murky water. If Aries jumps in (now they may or may not come out alive although they probably do more than any other sign) - they have evolved, regardless of the outcome (remember we are not here for outcomes we are here for experiences, Aries energy teaches this, too).

And this jumping in is what they are here to do over and over again.

Aries growth is always found after we do "that thing we are afraid to do".

Playing it safe will never work and the space Aries resides in our natal chart is the space where it will not work for us to play it safe either.

Let's say we have Aries (or Aries natural ruler Mars) in our 7th house of partnership. Well, there are many ways this could play out to allow us to get braver. We might attract partners that embody this warrior energy and force us to be brave to stand up for ourselves and deal with them. We might have to make fearless choices within relationships. This stuff can happen in our 5th house with our children and our creative work. With Aries or Mars in our 6th house we can learn about bravery from our pets (think of Caesar Milan's calm/assertive training for pet owners for example). There are thousands of ways.

We are born with this energy and it is going to play out, but what we do with it when it does is always up to us.

With this transition into the Aquarian Age we are all experiencing the opportunity to learn more about our relationship to fear. For the next month during the Aries sun it's time for all of us to embrace our fearless warrior! xo all

MAKERS - heads up, we have an Aries new moon at the end of this month. Now, Mars will be retrograde so things started then will probably need some revisions and experience some lag times, but when Mars moves direct in late May they will really take off. Start thinking about this new moon now - Aries is great energy to initiate new stuff and this one has some powerful Jupiter and Uranus aspects that could really create some magic if we are launching something. I am going to do a post on launching our makings with astrology before the end of the month.

Part II taking action to increase our self worth so our business draws the stuff we want to line up with - FORGIVENESS


It might look like there are many reasons we are not making enough income or we have hit an income 'ceiling' - it might look like the economy is soft or we are working hours for dollars and there are only so many hours or we don't have the money to do the thing we want to do or we didn't finish college or we didn't even go to college or the thing we are selling is only worth so much or we are burned out (there is some truth to burnout here, but often burnout comes from our not valuing ourselves enough to say when or to move on when we need to) or yada, yada, yada.

In reality maybe there is only one reason we self sabotage when we hit any kind of ceiling (unless you are in an attic like mine where standing up is only possible for 3 year olds) and that reason is fear and that fear comes from our (often unconscious) beliefs about our self worth

Author Gay Hendricks (The Big Leap) says we know we have uncovered one of our own personal upper limits when

"a negative emotional reaction occurs when something positive enters our lives".

This may not be an exact quote since I don't have the book anymore and Google isn't pulling it up, but when I heard this years ago I knew it was big.

When something positive happens we should feel good, right?

But sometimes we don't. Sometimes we immediately start thinking something will go wrong now - this good thing won't last or we can't get this lucky without something bad happening next (this one is often the unconscious belief of money in/ money out people) or whatever thoughts come up for us that turn some positive happening into a negative emotion (and we don't want this remember those neuropeptides!).

Self sabotage will probably show up in our business lives as one side of the polarities of procrastination vs rushing things, non action vs nonstop action, perfectionism vs sloppiness, not being able to make a decision vs split second decisions we regret, distractability vs unnecessary focus on minor details, overcharging vs. undercharging, hoarding vs releasing too much -

basically extremes in our behavior based in fear that screw things up for us (if self worth is a very big issue or if we are very young, sometimes before we even really get started, but most often when we reach an unconscious upper limit ceiling).

This is the stuff that happens when we lose a bunch of weight and feel really good and start getting more attention ... and then it starts to feel totally weird. So we go to the fridge and eat a gallon of ice cream.

1. Look for recurring patterns in your life. These patterns may not show up in the same area of our life every time. They may happen all at once or many years apart. They may not look like they have anything to do with our self worth or our business or our money - it doesn't matter, just look for patterns.

2. Talk about these patterns out loud and listen to our language - the words we choose to use to explain things matters, a lot.

3.  If you are interested check the astrological houses and see if there is a connection with these patterns there that might be helpful to think about

4. We know ourselves better than anyone else does - where do we think these patterns come from? 

The first work toward releasing any kind of pattern is forgiveness and compassion; toward the people and situations in our past and most importantly toward ourselves.

For my job loss situation in Part I - I was mighty pissed at the injustice of the situation. I was mad I didn't get the closure I wanted and I wanted justice. When I ran into another fired ex-banker who was so angry and depressed and talking about her situation that had occurred the year before as if it had occurred yesterday, I knew life was showing me my future. I knew I wasn't going to get justice from a lawsuit. I knew the only person who could give me justice was me.

So, I looked for patterns. I listened to my language about "justice" and "closure" - I thought about other times people and situations were unjust to me, other times I faced abrupt endings without closure. I made a list. I took the time to think about each situation and person. I forgave the people connected to the current situation and all the past situations. I forgave myself.

My mantra became the powerful mantra  Ho'oponopono Hawaiian practice of forgiveness and reconciliation:

"I am sorry. Please forgive me. I love you. Thank you. "

We say "I'm sorry" because we acknowledge our part in what is happening - trust me we do not draw big experiences without being a vibrational match for them and we become a vibrational match by agreeing to the experience (often at an unconscious level). We say "Please forgive me" because forgiveness works to release us from the energy of a memory. We say "I love you" because love is all there is and we say "Thank you" because we are truly grateful for the growth the experience gives us.

If you want to work with a Goddess on compassion - an excellent Goddess is Kuan Yin. You can say "Kuan Yin, please help me to show compassion and forgiveness with this situation!"

Note - when seeking Goddesses it helps to expect them.

It helps to soften our gaze so we might detect a slight movement in the shadows, a minute heaviness in the air around us, a breeze across our shoulders in a closed space or odd alertness in our body as though someone was standing right next to us. Trust that she is there. Just one world away from us really - nodding, prodding, laughing and encouraging.

Next up Part III why our money mindset matters - more actions to increase our self worth so our business draws the stuff we want to line up with (and I will connect this back to why it's easier to build a business if we need the money but not if we really need the money in the final part V)

Forgiveness work is a life long process. We don't have to forgive something 100% for the energy to shift and change to happen or none of us would ever move forward. Life is like a spiral and as we move up the spiral we encounter the same sticky points again and again until we clear them. This is totally OK and the way this stuff works.

why our money mindset matters (we can't draw to ourselves more than we think we are worth) - part I


Prior to making stuff for a living, I worked in a bank.

I started as a bank teller with $100 in the bank and owed $100 on a Stern's (now Macy's) credit card and left 10 years later as a vice president with $10,000 in the bank and owed $10,000 on a Citibank credit card.

I was really good at helping other people make and save and grow their money, but for me - the money came in, the money went out.

Now I always had enough money (we did buy a house somewhere in there, took our daughter to Disney World a couple times, yada yada). Hubs and I never had to fight over money (which is one of the main things couples fight about and probably one of the reasons we are still together) although I had been known to remove a price tag or two (or twenty) in secret.

I thought I had good money karma/luck - the money always came in just before I needed it. But, I always needed it.

It didn't stick. 

(imagine duct tape covered with sweater lint here, but maybe not if you are eating your lunch)

Being sticky was not really on my radar. My money mindset was all about flow.

I saw money through two lenses - the lens of spirit; money as energy that needs to moving, no need to hold onto it, there is always enough for me and the lens of the bank where money comes in as deposits and moves out as loans and money is made on the difference in interest between deposits and loans and on the float.

(note - this isn't how banks make money now unfortunately, now things are a lot more risky)

I thought these lenses (is this the plural of lens - this looks so wrong) were working well for me until right around the time of my first Saturn Return - KABOOM. CRASH. JOB GONE.

Now this kaboom, crash thing that sounded like life as I knew it hitting the floor and felt like a tractor trailer to my ego wasn't really out of the blue at all. I knew I was burned out. I knew my astrology chart. I had been doing the Course in Miracles. I had been asking life to find the quickest path for me to get on about the business I was here for. I wanted to be happy. I knew I was doing exactly the kind of shit that changes things.

Once I lost my job I had no more money coming in, but I still had that pesky need to cover the money going out

I started manifesting on the outside what I had been creating on the inside for years by giving more than I was getting.

(note - when we request help or guidance from spirit it is not incorrect to imagine the Goddesses jumping about and shouting "Oh, YES, now we've got a project!")

Everything that happens is a reflection of what we believe about ourselves. We cannot draw to ourselves more than we think we are worth. We cannot outperform our level of self esteem.

I wasn't so much pissed that life kicked me in the ass as I was totally awed by the serendipity that created complete and total change. Actually, to be honest I was pissed, too.

(maybe I should rate this post R for Cat can't stop cursing today)

Technically I quit my job. In reality I signed a resignation letter human resources had prepared for me to sign in lieu of them firing me. I hired an employment lawyer and thought I would "sue the bastards" (I did rate this post R, remember). Then I unexpectedly ran into (more Goddess magic, no doubt) a woman who had been fired from the bank the year before. She was still angry and bitter and out of work. I didn't want that to be me. I un-hired the lawyer.

I also knew that this change was created by me. Even if it looked like "they did me wrong" to the outside world.

At the time I blamed burn out (and there was truth to that), but greater forces were at play here.

I was about to step into a new position within the bank that was highly visible. I had been promoted many times and always done well; leaning in to new positions, doing what had to be done, yada, yada - been there done that.

I had always worked with wealthy people. I had always worked for them in a service position though, even as a bank manager. This new position involved playing golf and having dinner with very wealthy clients, schmoozing them (can anyone really imagine me schmoozing) and becoming a peer to the bank's most senior management. When they looked at me they saw a peer because they were only seeing my outside. My inside was just a poor girl from the sticks in New Jersey. My inside didn't match my outside anymore. Something had to give.

For this promotion I would have had to outperform my own level of self esteem, which is something I now believe is just not possible.

Most people at this point get sick or self sabotage. It doesn't look like these things are conscious creations because we do this stuff unconsciously - we literally have to, we can't live with the split.

Monica Lewinsky didn't destroy Bill Clinton's reputation - his being required to outperform his self esteem did.

Self sabotage is a tricky beast because it doesn't always show up right away and it's not always easy to see the connection between what we think we want (that our self esteem is not lining up with) and the actions we are taking. A lot of people self sabotage themselves right now with the self defeating behavior of internet surfing (looking here, there and everywhere and never getting anything done). The lack of motivation and focus that are often at the center of depression have their roots in our self esteem, too (depression is the shadow side of creation, so listen up makers).

There are actionable things I have done for this (and continue to do, life is a process and I definitely don't have it all figured out) that work for me - they include forgiveness exercises, EFT, money releases, changing money habits, boundaries, the "who do we think we are stuff", astrology and more - so next post actionable stuff we can do to get our inner self to line up with the outer self we are reaching for.

(note - doing the exercises changes the outer self, too - sometimes the things we think we want are not really the stuff we are wanting)

next up Part II why our money mindset matters - taking action to increase our self worth so we draw the stuff we want to line up with (and Part III will tie this back into our businesses and why needing money is a good thing for makers)