Why I don't check my Etsy feedback anymore or how to sleep better at night if you sell the things you make

Ah, feedback.

I am grateful (usually) that people take the time to comment on the things they buy from me in the public feedback forum, but please don't ask me to look at it.

This "don't look at it" thing was a gradual process.

It started a couple years ago with a particularly unhappy customer whose cork was "too beige".

Now if he had emailed me about this "too beige" thing I would have fixed him up somehow, probably with a refund, cork is ... well... kind of beige, after all.

But he left me a negative (not even a neutral!) feedback out of the blue, the day after Thanksgiving and then he did not respond to my emails to "kiss and make up".

I thought I would have a coronary.

I imagined every potential customer heading over to my feedback page, cork in cart - reading his comments and saying to themselves "wait a minute, what was I thinking, this guy's right, cork is too ... beige". I imagined "clear item from cart" buttons being hit all over the country.

I lost sleep. I knew I needed a change (not with this 'beigeness thing', but with my reaction part of it).

 I set up some parameters for myself (yes, this is what us obsessive, crazy people do).

At first I wouldn't look at my feedback late at night because if there was a problem it would keep me up. Then I wouldn't look at it late in the week, because if there was a problem I wanted to be able to have it resolved by the end of the week.

Finally I just stopped looking. It's been months.

(I will admit to keeping half an eye on the 100% positive on my front page - but it would take something pretty substantial to move that by this time - I've been doing this awhile) 

And I do not say this in any way to offer anyone else advice - and if you are a new seller - you maybe need to earn a few wrinkles (yes, I blame feedback for what is happening with my eyelids) through sleepless nights over some craziness that hits you out of the blue.

I told another maker this and she said to me "but you miss all the good stuff then".

Ugh, she was totally right, of course - but even this did not dissuade me. 

I am missing the 200 feedbacks that read "I love it" to avoid reading the 1 "this hits my baby in the head when I bend over" neutral.

(yes, there is something like that in there).

Now, this might send you over to my feedback and then you will know more than I do. I will have to live with this. Don't tell me anything that is happening in there. I mean it. I don't want to know. My feedback is like my daughter playing quietly across the room when she was little, even when I half suspected a tube of lipstick might be nearby - I don't want to look.

(and no, this is not the post I am trying to get my nerve up to write - this one isn't even close)

Of course when a customer contacts me with a problem I take care of it - I am not perfect with this stuff and mistakes happen and I guarantee my work with a 100% satisfaction guarantee.

I know that my stuff being up to snuff impacts not only whether that customer comes back to me, but maybe she comes back to the handmade marketplace at all - maybe next time she heads down to Walmart for a cheapie - my goal as always is to keep everyone away from Walmart.

When customers email me with their kind words I always print them out and have a huge collection on my bulletin board - sometimes I put on red lipstick and give the pages a big old kiss before I hang them up there.

(even though Olive does a little - cuckoo for cocoa puffs - cuckoo hand signal behind my back that she thinks I don't see when I do this - I truly love my customers, truly I do)

I have found though that when people leave a problem feedback and I write to them to resolve it I never hear back from them anymore.

(in the early days I had a couple kiss and make ups and a couple that could not be satisfied, but now when I respond back to help, I just get ... crickets)

I think the public feedback isn't really about getting the problem solved. If I have a problem with a seller I will email them because I want something resolved. This isn't about resolution. Maybe people just want to say what they want to say ... in public. It isn't personal to them and I get that, of course.

To me, the Jersey Girl with skin as thick as a piece of onion peel, it's a whole other story

And yes, I envy you banana peel girls - except for those sallow complexions, of course - but I just can't be that girl. I've tried. I can't do it.
 
And yes, I also realize something about this will come back to me in some other way to be worked out - because changing the "doing" without changing the "being" isn't long lasting, but for right now, I am just fine with this.

For now, the only one I will be kiss and makeup-ing with is my husband.

New Moon in Gemini Today - another chance for a fresh start!

chasing the crayon

The Sun and Moon are conjunct at the New Moon

(if you were being born right now you would be a strong willed and focused person very challenged by partnerships I'm guessing)

This means a tremendous concentration of energy is happening, but it occurs outside our view - this stuff is happening behind the scenes; a common thing with new beginnings.

Sometimes it takes a little hindsight to recognize when new things have started.

This is the energy of any conjunction - we're kind of feeling our way not sure where this will lead.

Mars is opposite the eclipse point with this one so what was brought to our attention about two weeks ago will now be cut off for good so we get that fresh start. The position of Mars at this New Moon also reminds us that we can't live in detachment - it brings Mars (the war) home.

The New Moon is conjunct the asteroid Elpis; the Goddess of Hope. You might remember that hope was the last thing left in Pandora's Box after she opened it. At this New Moon we are maybe unsure if hope is wise or if we are deluding ourselves.

This will all make more sense if you know where this New Moon falls in your chart - that area will tell you where you need to keep your eye on the ball!

Also since this is a New Moon in Gemini it is a great time for affirmations for Gemini stuff like: action, communication, logic, social graces and ease, siblings, mental anxiety, our nervous system, hands, wrists, arms, shoulders and our lungs so some good affirmations for today might be:

I communicate in a way that allows others to really hear me. I take the time to listen.
I easily accept other people's ideas as true for them.
I am totally comfortable having light, interesting conversations with others (other than Olive).
The habit of second-guessing myself is totally lifted from me.
Total healing occurs in my right shoulder.

AFFIRMATION TIPS: get into a happy frame of mind - always make affirmations from a  positive place - write your affirmations down by hand, speak them out loud - I always write my affirmations on strips of paper and put them into a bowl of rice so I can mix them around every now and then with my fingers if things get stagnant - then release your attention from them knowing that your intention is known. Know these things are already yours. xo

this 'human being as brand' thing we have going on is exhausting, relentless and impossible .... short rant

adored vintage

There is a reason my studio is not called Cat Bites.

(other than the fact that I used to have a biting cat and that cat, who I loved dearly but who nonetheless bit the hell out of me every chance she got - was probably my last cat. I am just not a cat person. And, yes, I see the irony in this. And despite the fact that I do, yes, sometimes bite, but only small pieces and I chew 20 times now, so I'm a lot less dangerous than I used to be - yes, I've mellowed)

It may have been smarter to call it Catherine Ivins Studio ... and if the me of today had been around in 2007 it probably would be. Probably.

Dragging poor Olive into it has had some disadvantages for me certainly (not to mention Olive getting this huge head from being recognized everywhere she goes now) in terms of brand recognition and relevancy.

But, the one major advantage I might have inadvertently created is a little separation between me and my business.

This 'human being as brand' thing we have going on is exhausting, relentless and impossible.

It might have worked before the world became a 24 hour a day, 7 days a week place of activity. But maybe it's never worked. Maybe this is the real reason (and not the lead paint) the old masters all went mad.

And while I'm ranting let's stop saying "a business is only in business to make money" - that's another pile of crap that isn't true anymore.

Businesses are created for all kinds of reasons - often because we are endlessly creative people that just need to be creating something. Now someone will say, but Cat, successful businesses have to make money. Even this isn't true anymore. Businesses create value first. Businesses are sold for billions of dollars that have never made a penny.

We need a new definition of success - something about value, something within our power. We need to untie "success" from everything that is out of our hands. End of rant.

(sorry just listened to the wrong interview about branding and money that just gave me a headache and made my heart hurt)

Part III (not really but a very mini preview) what the weakest point of our business is trying to show us and why it is always the place where we give our power away; the place of fear

cork necklace by me

I had a post ready to go on this but now that I have reread it I want to say it differently, so I have to go back and rewrite it.

I want to talk about our foundations and about how attaching ourselves to external goals -

(even when things work out for us because the external world always cycles and takes our external lives up and down along with it, what is working out today may not be working out tomorrow. I remember laying in bed one night many years ago and thinking that every single things was right with my world- my daughter was happy, my mother's health was improved, we were making more money and then I remember laying in bed a week later and every single situation had reversed itself)

attachment without having these foundations in place for ourselves makes life harder (or wait, I forgot life isn't hard) - more complicated - more top heavy, less grounded, more wobbly.

The cracks in our foundation are always showing us the places where we lack trust; the places of our fear; the places where we give our power away. I know that this stuff is a practice - we don't go to the gym and consider it done - the same with meditation - it's the same with self love and acceptance - the same with everything.

I had a big lesson in this yesterday with my business although I'm not sure I want to write about it - the prophetic power of my blog posts being what they are these days and it being so ... unsettled right now.

I might though.

Have a nice weekend everyone - we'll see if I have the courage or idiocy (I can't decide which this would take on my part) to talk about this as part of this series - the "c" word problem that makers have to deal with, the one I never talk about here - the thing that feels like someone has sucked out our stomach, convinced our kids to call them mom and yanked off our arm. No, I am not being dramatic - well, maybe a little dramatic, but it's Friday ....

xo all

the foundation comes before the house (this is not a don't put your cart before your horse story) - part II

the best laid plans locket ....

There is a part I to this series somewhere a week or so back ... I think.

I get distracted.

By work and hubs and our daughter and Olive and the little tufted somethings in the tree in our backyard

(yes, there is a tree or two left out there)

that I simply must stop what I am doing right now and head out and investigate.

(baby cardinals - we have been gifted with baby cardinals - I had to google to find this out because they are not born red, how cool that this gorgeous color they are so well known for comes ... later)

Just like the house; comes after the foundation I mean.

Maybe we need to talk about this. It sounds simple and it is, but it isn't easy. Simple and easy are not the same thing.

Life is not easy. Now this doesn't mean that life is hard, because life isn't hard - it's simple.

But it isn't easy ... it's complicated. I hope you are following this. It's complicated. Life is complicated.

And life is fast. It is fast moving, We are not living in the days when a community would spend decades building a temple that would last for generations. Our temples go up overnight and they come down just as fast.

Our lives are built on four foundations - the physical, mental, spiritual and the emotional. And these sound like separate things, but nothing is really a separate thing. It's all connected. We are all connected.

This is why we can change one thing (let's say we change the physical; we start exercising and lose 5 lbs) and other things change (we have more mental energy, our emotions are more stable, etc) and also why we can change one thing (start exercising and lose 5 lbs) and not change something else, too (maybe the emotional stress) and the thing we changed doesn't stick (we gain the 5lbs back).

There is no way for me to shore up the foundation of my physical life (house, body, work) without unearthing all kinds of other treasures; treasures I want to share (you're welcome, I think).

(WARNING - I choose the word treasures carefully here - I choose not to call these things I am digging up skeletons although yes, some of this stuff has been down there a long time and is well ... some scary shit actually; not all treasure is pretty and sparkly and worth a thousand bucks an ounce - it is all valuable though).

And, no this series won't be about my house (you're welcome again) - this is a business blog (sort of) that maybe needs to get back to business (sort of - it is summer after all).

If you are like me you may have allowed your business to grow in unintended directions. Maybe you have dropped so many oars into the water the oars are dragging down the boat or maybe you are having trouble starting things or trouble finishing them. You may have been depending on the temporary fix (the doing) instead of shoring up your foundation (the being - physical, spiritual, emotional, mental).

Our business is a structure just like our house (and our body) - when stress is applied to any structure, the stress will always find the weakest point.

It may look like the weakest point is the problem- but actually the weakest point is the space that is pointing us toward the solution.

(it might look like our neck ache is the result of a poor choice of pillow or our posture or our work and all or any of these things may be true but our neck ache is also the result of - depending on where this manifests - storing up anger or our inability to carry the heavy load we are asking of ourselves, injustice, defining ourselves by what we have, hanging our head by feeling less than - neck problems often occur with excessively mental people who want to change the world but can't do it - actually we are all changing the world every second just by being here - often these are patterns in our clan, baggage the women in our clan have carried and held onto for generations - when we release this stuff, when we heal, we don't only heal ourselves, we heal all the women who come after us and because there is no time outside of this 3rd dimension we can even heal our ancestors, this is that powerful, how cool is that?!)

Part III what the weakest point of our business is trying to tell us