just because she's beautiful doesn't mean you aren't - part V - repairing our comparing gene


See Parts I, II, III, IV

So, I have been re-languaging my verbal life and finding it actually is re-languaging my inner life. We are either congruent or we fall apart after all.

Positive language (positive meaning certain) is a nemesis of scarcity thinking. Scarcity thinking results in comparison. Comparison is the thief of joy (to quote Teddy Roosevelt). Nobody gets to steal our joy and we certainly don't want to be tossing it away ourselves. Let's not do that.

If it means we have to step away from Facebook or Pinterest or the cafeteria at work or whatever space triggers the 'compare' gene for us, just step away for awhile. Maybe a long while.

Another way to keep from comparing ourselves to others is by pursuing things that cannot be measured. This isn't some kind of cop-out, this is the actual stuff we are here for. Love, happiness, generosity, empathy, compassion, beauty, humility - how can we measure any of this? The more we remove ourselves from society's definitions of success the less negative impact these representations have on us.

Aging is a perfect example. There is simply no way for women to grow older and stay sane without letting go of modern society's definition of beauty. And, of course, the same can be said for men and women of all ages and photo-shopped images and surgically corrected people.

Aging is particularly powerful because we either hold on to something that is definitely leaving or we let go, trusting something better is on the other side. And it is. Anytime we let go of our need to "compare", we win, because the spaces we think we are coming up short have no power over us anymore.

We can also literally change what we are looking at. Anytime we find ourselves comparing our inside to someone else's outside - and this applies whether we come out on top or bottom of this no-win head game - we can take a walk. Go outdoors. We can allow the change in our surroundings to create the change we need in our thinking. This always works. And if the feeling comes back we can just take another walk - not only will we have calves of steel, we will have made friends with all the dogs in our neighborhood and maybe even an actual person aka neighbor.

(of course if this change in scenery takes us to our neighbors gorgeous flower gardens let's not compare them with our own wilting begonias - remember if the grass is greener over there, it's probably because they water it)

I used to be envious of a neighbor's beautiful roses until I started growing my own. They are a lot of work. Mine will probably never be up to her standards of remarkableness. I am perfectly happy with them though. And now, knowing how much work she puts into hers I am grateful I get to enjoy them without having to actually maintain them! I moved my desk this summer for a better view.

Which brings us to gratitude - another way to stop this comparing syndrome is to be grateful for what we have (which always attracts more).

Look for chronic patterns. Some moms get tense when other moms are bragging about their kids. So, if we do this - we recognize it. We don't bury it. We don't judge it. We just look at it. We ask ourselves what this tension is really about. It is never about the other person - the one who is annoying us with her story about Janie's latest win on the soccer field. They are just mirroring an issue for us.

The Sun is in Scorpio until November 21st - this is the time to look deep at what is really going on with our triggers. There is great energetic support to release the stuff that isn't working for us now.

Something I have found that really helps with the 'compare gene' is Bach's Flower Therapy treatments. I took a course about them and have a couple books. I am not an expert though so do your own research and trust your heart.

(I would say trust our gut but if we have been filling it with junk food, it's not much good to us)

I like Oak, White Chestnut, Willow, Chicory, Impatiens. I am going to do a post about them next week. Until then enjoy this amazing Autumn weather - although it felt more like July than late October here in New Jersey today! xo all

New Moon Solar Eclipse in Scorpio, October 23rd - let's go for the NEW

prestige by iNeedChemicalX

We have a magical New Moon in Scorpio on Thursday. This is happening at 0 degrees so its ability to start something potent is extra powerful! First the Sun will move into Scorpio, followed by Venus (our values, love, money), then the Moon joins the party.

We had this same degree solar eclipse in October 1995 - so think back to what "new" was created for you then and what has happened since. The New Moon energy boost lasts about two weeks (so take some new action within this time frame). The stuff put into motion now can last for years.

Scorpio is powerful so be prepared to commit to what you start nowActually commit as if your life depends on it ... because it does.

There are multiple beneficial aspects to this one for all of us. This New Moon is conjunct magnetic Venus which adds up to a major new beginning around love, money, values or self-esteem. Neptune in Pisces removes our rational upper limits and encourages us to dream big. Mercury stations direct two days later and we get the answer we need to move us forward. On Monday, Mars moves into Capricorn and we have the energy and drive to make this thing happen.

If you have any planets 0-4 degrees in a fixed sign (Scorpio, Aquarius, Taurus and Leo) you will feel this eclipse energy the strongest.

Scorpio is the sign of elimination so old desires will end now - the void left behind will attract new stuff that lines up with who we are becoming.

This is the time to jump on to a more beneficial train track - why head to Camden when there is a train to Maui leaving, too!

The void we might feel now does not need to leave us with shaky legs - we can know the right stuff will find us. Shaky isn't always a bad thing. We can be shaky with fear or shaky with excitement. In its highest incarnation Scorpio is the Phoenix who rises from the ashes. There is no more powerful sign in the zodiac.

With a Scorpio what you see is what you get - and what you don't see is hidden on purpose. Keep that in mind now. This eclipse, as the energies play out over the next couple weeks, will create focus. I wrote an earlier post about how Scorpio allows focus that might make this point clearer.

A New Moon is always an opening - let's trust in our ability to make an amazing life in this wild, wonderful world!

my scorpio aromatherapy locket
As always New Moons are excellent times to plant seeds with our intentions - everything starts life in the dark after all.

Setting intentions for Scorpio stuff during a Scorpio new moon is very powerful.

These intentions can include (list courtesy of astrologer Jan Spiller) - empowerment, change, crisis skills, self-mastery, sex, soul mates, financial partnerships, avoiding power struggles, secrets, psychology, charisma, restoration, forgiveness, obsessions, compulsions, strength, loans, debts, taxes, inheritances, contracts, revenge, jealousy and guilt.

I usually list my affirmations here but this month mine are words I need to write just once and burn - here is a link to an example of affirmations and tips from another month. xo all

just because she's beautiful doesn't mean you aren't - part IV - the I should be doing "more" syndrome & women who wear purple

she's probably in here somewhere

See Part 1, Part 2 and Part 3

(yes, if you are reading this in one sitting, you will need a cup of coffee ... and a muffin ... and maybe probably an aspirin)

I thought I was doing pretty good re-languaging my life when we went out to dinner for my daughter's birthday last week and half way through the meal my daughter said I was driving her crazy (in the way only a mother can do) by repeatedly saying "that's not bad" every time I ate something new.

You might remember from my last post this was exactly the kind of language I have been trying to avoid! Ugh!

I thought ditching the "n'ts" when I was saying something positive would fix this - I did keep myself from saying "this isn't bad".

I said the exact same thing in a different way though.

I guess it's a challenge for me to say, "this is good", or great or delicious without consciously pushing my tongue to use positive language. When I stay unconscious with my language I just naturally want to go the other way. I can see my rules need to be expanded and I am an Aquarian with a Scorpio rising (plus an oldest child and tone deaf singer). I really hate rules.

(and now that I have written this I can see clearly how my rule making is negative, too - always about what not to do - see how this stuff works? - it is deep and tricky - it's like I have swallowed a whining David Blayne.)

This series is not about negative language and this is all subconscious stuff although I do think this way of going through life makes us more prone to a scarcity mindset. It doesn't matter which comes first or what creates what with this stuff - I do know we can often change something by changing something else.

I attended an astrology class years ago and one of the other students was always complaining about work. She loved her job but her relationship with her co-workers was a mess. I can't remember the specifics. I do remember this woman always wore purple. Maybe just this one thing was enough to annoy the hell out of people. I don't know. Totally possible.

One day the teacher turned to her and said, "Enough already about your co-workers. Get a dog". Now this teacher was a master astrologer and enough of a guru to this woman for her to immediately head to the nearest shelter and pick herself out a beautiful blue eyed Akita mix.

Within days her relationship with her co-workers had greatly improved (pets and work are both 6th house in astrology - as well as health, routine, etc -  so a problem with one often can be fixed with attention on another). She even started to join her office mates on their long Wednesday lunches, something she always griped about before. She thanked the teacher for his wisdom.

We noticed over the next few weeks she never complained about work anymore. She complained about her dog all the time though. This woman had Aries in the 6th house and Aries needs an adversary. I am not sure if an adversary who pees on the carpet is better than one who sits next to you in a cubicle, maybe she could have just joined a gym and fought with the treadmill .... changing something by changing something else works though.

I don't think negative feelings that come up after seeing someone else's bright shiny new thing is about jealousy. I don't want anyone else's life. My life is pretty freaking amazing. I just know after seeing some of this stuff I don't feel so great.

For me, it creates the "I should be doing more" syndrome. For example my Facebook friend who is always on vacation has me thinking "why haven't I created a business that can run without me so I can be laying on the beach somewhere warm and tropical while lockets and cork continue to fly across the country and into my customer's waiting hands and mailboxes." I feel like what I am doing isn't enough because I actually have to do it. What kind of ridiculous thinking is this? We can't win this game.

I will tell you my next two steps in my final post next week. The pie really does have an infinite number of slices - there really is enough for all of us.

xo and happy weekend all

NOTE - We have a New Moon in Scorpio next week (I will post about it then) - it's an eclipse and at 0 degrees Scorpio - a 0 degree eclipse in the complex sign of Scorpio is a true new beginning. Stuff we have been trying for could now line up for us. Mercury will move direct two days later and we will know what to do. Get ready.

We are heading into Scorpio season - shop for a Scorpio locket necklace for your favorite Scorpio and get a FREE extra lid set now.

FULL MOON Lunar Eclipse in Aries October 8th - relating to other people without losing ourselves

you at last by meluseena

A lunar eclipse occurs when the Sun, Earth and Full Moon form a nearly straight line and the Moon passes through the Earth's shadow. We don't need any special gizmos to view it and it won't hurt our eyes like a solar eclipse, so we can feel free to go outside and get a really good look! The lunar eclipse is from about 6:30-7:30 AM EST tomorrow morning.

An eclipse is powerful stuff. It will eclipse something out of our life or out of our way.

Some people may have felt the effects of this around September 8th-10th or will feel it around November 8th-10th; most people will feel it within 5 days of the actual eclipse.

This Full Moon is in Aries and is the culmination of that monster New Moon we had in April with that bad-ass Grand Cardinal Cross. Aries is the sign of the warrier (and the worrier) so there is no sitting this one out.

Just before the Full Moon, the Moon will square Pluto and conjunct Uranus setting off a Uranus/Pluto square. This is the energy that creates big changes.

Pluto in Capricorn will be squaring Venus in Libra. This feels very possessive - we want what we want with this one. What will we do to get it? What if we finally get clear that what we want is not what we thought we wanted at all .... well, I guess we are going to find out.

This eclipse energy is about opportunity. 

This is the Aries/Libra polarity (which is more than a locket - warning shameless plug ahead - but the locket is pretty awesome, too) of independence vs. interdependence, how we give, how we take, how we relate to other people without losing ourselves, what flock we are flying with these days and of course our closest relationships.

We've got Mars in Sagittarius wanting us to move into new territory and take action with something foreign to us (maybe spirituality or travel or higher education or people from another country or distant relatives or grandchildren) and we have Jupiter in Leo aspecting the Sun and highlighting something expansive that gives us purpose and is something we can be proud of.

These may be the means we use to move through this - "me vs. us", "assertion vs. compromise" stuff - everything we see played out in the larger world is happening in our own lives and heads, too. We probably won't be able to sit on our feelings right now (try to keep a cool head though) or the sidelines either. And we won't want to!

If something in our life is doing the opposite of this - that could be the stuff that will make way now.

If it seems like really good and important stuff is being eclipsed out - relook (Mercury is retrograde the "re's" rule now) at the situation - we may be able to see the honor in the timing of this passing away and the gift left in its wake.

Here's to clear skies and long walks in the moonlight tonight and tomorrow night everyone! xo

just because she's beautiful doesn't mean you aren't - part III - re-learning clear speech & Mercury Retrograde

Mercury is retrograde. We are in the season of "re" now.

(redo, reconnect, rethink, repeat, revise, redesign, recuperate, repair - you get the idea)

It is the perfect time for big universal energetic support to re-language our thoughts and conversations to dismantle our negative talk and limiting beliefs which I am convinced are at the root of the scarcity mentality that creates so much pain in the world (at least my world!).

See Part I HERE
See Part II HERE

Limiting beliefs are the thoughts, stories and 'spells' (more on spells a bit later in these posts) that we invite, through our own words, into the deepest spaces inside us and sometimes expel out into the world as conversation that inhibit our potential and limit the choices we make in our life.

For most of us, there is less question about whether or not our words are powerful as there is about how to best use this power to improve our world.

I have always loved anagrams and cryto-quotes and similar kinds of word puzzles. I had a bit of an obsession with them as a kid actually - also mythology, astrology and Rumi.

(And yes, all these things will work there way into this series. I was also obsessed with my metal wheeled roller skates, Ellen O'Neal and Tiger Beat magazine - luckily for you, dear reader, I will leave them out of this one.)

Words are powerful.

I love how "word" and "lord" can be combined to create "world". And "uni" meaning one and "verse" meaning word or poem or song makes "universe". And a spell is a s-p-e-l-l.

And dog is God spelled backwards (maybe especially that one).

You might be familiar with the Bible story of the Tower of Babel - which is the story of God's displeasure at humankind's progress after the great flood. Everyone speaking the same language and working together meant soon nothing would be out of humankind's reach. This worried God so much that he scattered everyone all over the planet and changed their one language into many as a way to dis-empower everyone.

One nugget to take from this story is that Babel babble = dis-empowerment. This is the same story we work through every Mercury Retrograde. Mercury is the God of communication. We honor Mercury when we speak our truth, when we think through our thoughts before we say our words, when we say more and talk less.We dishonor Mercury when we babble. We also dis-empower ourselves.

So, the first step in my "Mercury Retrograde re-languaging, limiting belief busting, scarcity thinking mindset dismantling practice" is to eliminate the word "want" from my vocabulary, yes in all situations.

Want isn't the step before have. 

Want is the opposite of have. 

This is important. 

And I don't mean this in a "The Secret" kind of way. I mean this in a mindful language - say what we mean because what we say matters - kind of way.

We have heard this all before - how saying want keeps us in a state of wanting, but what it actually does is keep us in a state of not having.

I started this last week. I would never have believed how often I use the word 'want' - just changing this one thing has my head spinning.

I am also eliminating the 'nts when I mean yes. For example by saying things like "doesn't it taste good? isn't it great? didn't you love it? wouldn't you like one?" - I don't use negatives often in this way. I have caught myself a couple times though. These sentences should be "does it taste good? is it great? did you love it? would you like one?". Also eliminating the word "but" which we all know negates everything that comes before it.

So, the first step in our re-languaging this Mercury Retrograde season (which lasts for 3 weeks and is just enough time to establish this practice as habit)- eliminate the word "want" in all forms - substitute "desire" or "choose" or change the sentence around entirely to make it more powerful and eliminate babble.

For example - I just caught myself saying - "I want to be alive to dance at Sully's wedding." I did a quick mental CANCEL (gently imagined myself hitting the keyboard delete key) and then said "I will love to be alive to dance at Sully's wedding!".

I also said, "I want the tiramisu" and then re-languaged it to, "I'll have the tiramisu."

step 2 - eliminate "but" in all forms. Use "and" or form a new sentence.
step 3 - eliminate the shortened version of not "n't" when we are not saying not. (got it?!)

Up Next in Part III - just because she's beautiful doesn't mean you aren't - speaking our reality, why this stuff matters