just because she's beautiful doesn't mean you aren't - part IV - the I should be doing "more" syndrome & women who wear purple

she's probably in here somewhere

See Part 1, Part 2 and Part 3

(yes, if you are reading this in one sitting, you will need a cup of coffee ... and a muffin ... and maybe probably an aspirin)

I thought I was doing pretty good re-languaging my life when we went out to dinner for my daughter's birthday last week and half way through the meal my daughter said I was driving her crazy (in the way only a mother can do) by repeatedly saying "that's not bad" every time I ate something new.

You might remember from my last post this was exactly the kind of language I have been trying to avoid! Ugh!

I thought ditching the "n'ts" when I was saying something positive would fix this - I did keep myself from saying "this isn't bad".

I said the exact same thing in a different way though.

I guess it's a challenge for me to say, "this is good", or great or delicious without consciously pushing my tongue to use positive language. When I stay unconscious with my language I just naturally want to go the other way. I can see my rules need to be expanded and I am an Aquarian with a Scorpio rising (plus an oldest child and tone deaf singer). I really hate rules.

(and now that I have written this I can see clearly how my rule making is negative, too - always about what not to do - see how this stuff works? - it is deep and tricky - it's like I have swallowed a whining David Blayne.)

This series is not about negative language and this is all subconscious stuff although I do think this way of going through life makes us more prone to a scarcity mindset. It doesn't matter which comes first or what creates what with this stuff - I do know we can often change something by changing something else.

I attended an astrology class years ago and one of the other students was always complaining about work. She loved her job but her relationship with her co-workers was a mess. I can't remember the specifics. I do remember this woman always wore purple. Maybe just this one thing was enough to annoy the hell out of people. I don't know. Totally possible.

One day the teacher turned to her and said, "Enough already about your co-workers. Get a dog". Now this teacher was a master astrologer and enough of a guru to this woman for her to immediately head to the nearest shelter and pick herself out a beautiful blue eyed Akita mix.

Within days her relationship with her co-workers had greatly improved (pets and work are both 6th house in astrology - as well as health, routine, etc -  so a problem with one often can be fixed with attention on another). She even started to join her office mates on their long Wednesday lunches, something she always griped about before. She thanked the teacher for his wisdom.

We noticed over the next few weeks she never complained about work anymore. She complained about her dog all the time though. This woman had Aries in the 6th house and Aries needs an adversary. I am not sure if an adversary who pees on the carpet is better than one who sits next to you in a cubicle, maybe she could have just joined a gym and fought with the treadmill .... changing something by changing something else works though.

I don't think negative feelings that come up after seeing someone else's bright shiny new thing is about jealousy. I don't want anyone else's life. My life is pretty freaking amazing. I just know after seeing some of this stuff I don't feel so great.

For me, it creates the "I should be doing more" syndrome. For example my Facebook friend who is always on vacation has me thinking "why haven't I created a business that can run without me so I can be laying on the beach somewhere warm and tropical while lockets and cork continue to fly across the country and into my customer's waiting hands and mailboxes." I feel like what I am doing isn't enough because I actually have to do it. What kind of ridiculous thinking is this? We can't win this game.

I will tell you my next two steps in my final post next week. The pie really does have an infinite number of slices - there really is enough for all of us.

xo and happy weekend all

NOTE - We have a New Moon in Scorpio next week (I will post about it then) - it's an eclipse and at 0 degrees Scorpio - a 0 degree eclipse in the complex sign of Scorpio is a true new beginning. Stuff we have been trying for could now line up for us. Mercury will move direct two days later and we will know what to do. Get ready.

We are heading into Scorpio season - shop for a Scorpio locket necklace for your favorite Scorpio and get a FREE extra lid set now.


Hopemore Studio said...

Cat, This post resonates...big time!

I heard myself repeating the same 'not bad' but more for new situations than new food. I can be very negative, seems much more prevalent as I get older.

Can I say, I love that your daughter could tell you the 'thing' that was driving her crazy. How often do we just put up with people who do things that drive us nuts instead of improving the situation? The inability to say how one really feels can just build a huge wedge.


Catherine Ivins said...

Hi Angie- this is absolutely an "as we get older" thing, I am certain, too. I need to write about that. I think recognizing it is the important first step. I am not sure most people can see it in themselves - most of us think we are being positive if we are not complaining, but this stuff is way subtler. Even the subtle stuff lowers our vibration and attracts the wrong everything - people, ideas, situations.

My daughter had no idea I was playing with this and when she said what she did I almost fell over. I knew exactly what I was doing unconsciously with the energy and why it was annoying! xo

KJ said...

We got new teams at work about a month ago. One of my new teammates said to me he was glad to have someone chipper on the team. It is a good tag. I told him that I learned joy through grief.

Now I need to apply these lessons to the number of hours in the day so that I can accomplish more.

Catherine Ivins said...

Learning joy through grief makes perfect sense and the deeper the grief the longer lasting the joy probably because it would be a deep, grounded joy not a lightweight tinkly thing that would vanish at the first sign of trouble. I have been finding a shadow side to certain strong Libra placements (may not apply to you I don't remember) that feels like 'exhausting perfectionism' and finding our selves complaining about not enough time or being tired or the criticism of how things appear. The goal would be to be comfortable with being alone and with things not being perfect and to see gray and not black and white, to discern without judgement. I can't find any literature connecting this to a Libra shadow, but I feel like it comes from a fear of loneliness or isolation, so it would likely connect to a Libra projection. For me it's showing up as unrealistic expectations (mostly of myself) and boundary issues plus of course the time scarcity stuff. These last few weeks have been the perfect time for a new team Kathy. I would love to be called chipper - I would probably have to break a front tooth for this to happen! :)