the law of request - if we need help, we have to ask for it - another lesson from Rumi and Captain Kirk

“Give up to grace. The ocean takes care of each wave 
'til it gets to shore. You need more help than you know.”- Rumi

When my aunt died a few years ago, we found out she owed small amounts of money to every store in town.

These were not stores that offered credit or credit cards or house accounts; one of them was the local McDonald's.

We found this out after her funeral when store owners and managers were telling us not to worry about what she owed them. We were surprised, but probably shouldn't have been because this was a woman who was never afraid to ask for what she needed.

(she also lived very simply on almost no money
and was a very tiny, very wrinkly, very adorable little old woman which no doubt worked in her favor)

She once asked me for $200, cash, and told me firmly to stick it between pages 52 and 53 of a paperback romance I was delivering to her so her husband wouldn't find out about it. I did. He didn't.

We can learn a lesson from her.

Spiritual study (and Star Trek which is kind of the same thing) tells us that if we need help, we have to ask for it.

And that we help people, when we can, and when they ask us.

Jumping into their stuff is what we don't do (and yes, this even applies to our children who come through us but are not us) and if we get upset by someone else's mess that is our stuff; not theirs.  

Obviously we can't ask for help all the time - this would stop us from learning and growing stronger. But after carefully assessing the situation and determining we need it - we calmly request the help we need.
 
I was thinking about this "ask for help" thing last night - when hubby, who never reads my blog, read it and asked me why I didn't call him sooner when I had that flat tire.

I am usually not so good at asking for help. The funny thing is that life had just showed me that all I had to do was ask about 2 hours before.

When I arrived at the flea market and had to park so far away I knew my walk in the blazing sun required sunblock. I didn't have any.

I had walked in the wrong direction of the downtown stores and I knew it was not likely a vendor would be selling any at the market.

But, I thought I would use the power of intent and imagined myself putting sunblock on my arms. I silently asked the universe to pretty please, send me some sunblock.

I walked about 4 more blocks when I saw a woman sitting on the curb next to her bicycle - and yikes, she was putting on sunblock. I looked at the sunblock and looked at her. I guess the question was in my eyes. She asked, "Want some?"- I nodded and thanked her for literally saving my skin.

I thought life was sending me a little lesson on intention, and it is, but it was also a little lesson in the law of request.

As soon as we are ready to ask for help

we are ready to receive it.

Life literally rearranges itself to help us.

(and the truth about license plate # SE714K is that I wouldn't have been able to change the tire in that parking space anyway - so maybe he needed it more than I did)

I was lucky enough to experience this law from all angles in the very same morning. Life is definitely speeding up for us. xo all

fleas, flats and flowers ... well, maybe no flowers this time

Bought the little guy since he matches my set

All week I had been looking forward to my favorite local semi-annual flea market by the beach, held on Saturday.

I got there an hour early, which wasn't early enough apparently because there was no parking nearby, so rather than be one of those annoying parking space stalkers I parked pretty far away and decided to just hoof it- the weather was hot and gorgeous.

(I may have bumped the curb a little bit with my tire while parallel parking but if I did to this day I totally do not remember this)

Now, to back up a bit I had not mentioned this little jaunt to hubs because he gets a little stressed when I go to these things worried something very old and very large and very much not to his liking will be making its way home with me.

(I think he secretly dreams of having a normal wife who spends all our money in the mall buying shoes)

Anyhoo, I walk around for a couple hours and head back to my car being followed for blocks by one of those parking space stalkers.

I give him a friendly wave- like yes, I'm leaving and yes, I bestow my primo, "you will now walk 18 blocks to the beach in the hot sun" parking space to you.

I pull away drinking the lemonade I was lucky enough to buy from an enterprising 8 year old a few blocks back.

(my policy is to always buy anything enterprising 8 year olds are selling; luckily in my experience, this is usually limited to lemonade and girl scout cookies - the day some enterprising mama gets her 8 year old out there hawking more expensive stuff I may have to rethink this policy)

I immediately realize my car feels ... wrong - heavy and slow, it feels sort of tipped. I see the exclamation point on my dashboard and the menacing LOW TIRE PRESSURE warning light.

I get out and check my passenger side tires and the front tire is totally, down to the rim, flat.

I catch the guy who has nabbed my spot and explain my predicament and tell him I can't drive on my rim and really need my spot back. He literally puts his hand in my face and walks away.

NOTE - IF YOU ARE NJ LICENSE PLATE : SE714K - YOU ARE A TOTAL ASSHOLE

I can't believe I didn't knee him in the balls. There are no parking spots anywhere. I drive back on the highway and pull into the first parking lot I can find - all the time my mantra is "this is a super- amazing rim and it is holding its shape" ...

It takes me about 10 minutes to find the spare tire - then another 10 minutes to get my car to release it - the car comes with a little crow bar that needs to go into a little hole to drop the tire and the hole was totally rusted. I finally get the spare tire to drop and figure out this little strange jack which I am certain I am putting in the wrong place.

 (I just realized I forgot the whole part where I try the can of fix-a-flat that I have been carrying in my car since 2007 - it doesn't work)

I actually get the car off the ground - I have no idea how, but then ... I can't loosen the lug nuts. After another 10 minutes I finally get the lug nuts loosened, I am now a sweaty, out of breath mess (thank God I had that lemonade) and thinking why the hell don't I have AAA, and then ... I can't get the tire off. And then ... I still can't get the tire off.

I once saw George kick a tire to loosen it, so I try that and only succeed in loosening my knee cap.

I give up and call George.

Hubs - I hope you didn't drive on the rim.
Me - *crickets*
Hubs - Did you hit a curb?
Me - No, no way, I didn't hit a curb, maybe somebody slashed my tire.

Now, I hit a curb at least once a week, but I am not about to say this.

George gets there, says, "yep you hit a curb, you need tires anyway" and finishes the tire change in about 5 seconds.

scored duck for farm animal pocketbook pin collection

The irony of this story is that I just mailed my final payment on my car last week.

I had 3 payments remaining but decided to take my Mother's Day earnings (from my shop, my family doesn't gift me with cash ... dammit) and pay it off.

I thought about getting AAA and had the application, which read EFFECTIVE IMMEDIATELY, in my hand, but decided to wait since I had just made a GIGANTIC car payment.

So now, in spite of my GIGANTIC car payment, I need to buy NEW TIRES and get AAA ... on the plus side I do not need a new rim (and as I am typing this I realize I just blogged about a different tire rim - I am telling you my blog is prophetic these days - let me just throw the words lottery winner in here again) and I did score that cute little deer and add a duck to the farm animal, pocketbook pin collection I am working on this summer.

random ramblings wrap-up - today: wth do we do with this or the stuff that hides behind the back fence

Yes, that's a tree crushing a truck.

Yes, this is my backyard.

Yes, there is a bucket loader (I think it's a bucket loader) in our backyard with a tree on top of it.

The bucket loader, is of course a non-running bucket loader and so cannot be used to push off the tree ... of course.

There is a very heavy tire rim (I think it's a tire rim) at the base of this tree. I do not know if hubs set that there in an effort to keep that tree from falling or if it was just a random drop off point for the rim.

(hubs drops truck parts and yes, sometimes even actual trucks, the way other men drop socks - this is the real secret behind my lockets, folks)

The hurricane took 4 trees - one landed on the pool - which we removed - the only thing left of the pool are a few metal posts (because metal is valuable, or so I am told ... although it still sits there) and hundreds of pounds of sand.

There are a couple trees Chris was nice enough to cut up with a chainsaw and of course, the tree on the truck or Mr. Fibbets as I have taken to calling it. And then there is Mrs. Fibbets, another tree that looks about ready to crush our side porch, although hubs has assured me the situation is not as dire as it appears.

Most of the wood has been carted off as firewood - we throw a few pieces in the front yard every week and it disappears. We are down to branches (which are heavier than they appear), a broken storage shed (which I did not have the heart to photograph) and of course Mr. and Mrs. Fibbets.

Now, I am not posting this to brag (I know you are all thinking about the many things you could do if only you had a broken down, rusted out, bucket loader in your backyard) or complain (because obviously a whole hell of a lot of people had it way, way worse than we did from this storm), but simply report on what is happening here.

Months ago I got a price from a tree service of $2500 (insurance doesn't pay for tree removal unless the tree hits something insured) to remove these last 2 trees and chip the wood.

Hubs, who has lots of tree removal customers, thinks he can get it done for half price (this is his thinking with ... everything) - the problem of course is that his customers are out working with people they can get $2500 from and we are low on their list of priorities. So, here we sit, 7 months after Sandy, waiting ... I am not so good at waiting. George shrugs it off.

And not knowing if we are leaving or staying, which changes what we are going to do out there - is slowing everything down, too.

I get sad when I go out back, like I am walking through a forgotten, over-grown cemetery and really, really miss my time out there; hubs goes straight to his garden and can totally block out the dead trees and chaos (must be a man focus thing).

This weekend I am going to shovel the 33' circle of sand into a pile. I'm thinking I'll make a giant Zen garden somewhere out here ...  a little memorial to the trees.

(or maybe a bocce court - trees like bocce, too, from what I hear)

No aha moments yet out here - other than the obvious connection between this mess hidden behind the back fence (no doubt if this had all happened in the front yard we would have cleaned it up long ago) and all the other things we hide from the eyes of others and most importantly try to hide from ourselves that come up sooner or later to be dealt with.

Have a wonderful weekend everyone - the weather is supposed to be great here, I hope it is wonderful where you are, too! xo

random ramblings week - today: when things look too good or am I really sitting around waiting for my flowers to wilt ....

Three times in the last week someone has asked where we bought our hanging baskets.

One, an old man quite unsteady on skinny legs, talked to hubs and was given incorrect information. Ugh. I felt awful - I mean I realize he wasn't asking about something important, but still I wish he would stop back.

Now, I usually plant these baskets myself with a little of this and a little of that with moss liners, but this year I decided to buy the baskets already in bloom. They have just gone crazy out there. We must have just the perfect amount of sun and the perfect amount of water - something must be just perfect for these baskets, but ...

here is the thing with all of this 'perfectness' - I find myself totally unsettled with it.

Every morning I open the front door expecting to see flowers all over the porch floor and naked plants greeting me with brazen leers (who's your daddy now) - little springtime versions of that Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.

Maybe this is because these baskets have been through crazy temperature fluctuations and they could be thinking "It must be August by now, time to croak off" - one day it is 90 degrees and the next it is 40 - the cold temps the other night made me sympathize with every Eggo waffle I'd ever abandoned in the back of my freezer. 

Maybe it is because the color seems lighter than when I first put them up. I'm not sure.

But it is another little aha moment for me - yes, I'm having a lot of them lately - because I am wondering why something that is going good is so hard for me to appreciate - why I am determined to look down the road toward some kind of problem around the bend - why I am spending my time waiting for the other shoe petal to drop.

I am thinking I might do this with other things in my life. I am thinking it is time to stop doing this.