Wednesday, June 6, 2012

the journey of energy into matter ...

I have always been surrounded by big dreamers - people who think big

(and sometimes this thinking big results in the kind of craziness that has someone proclaiming that they invented Facebook because they said to their college roommates in 1987 that there should be a way to keep track of who is single and who is dating - electronically)

but maybe don't always take action.

I have never found the expression 'the well planned job is half done' to be ... well, true actually.

There is a whole lot of space between the timeless buzz of a dream and the time-filling demands of actually giving birth to it.

Because the action part - the journey of thought to form, the journey of energy into matter - no matter how many affirmations are said and positive thoughts are thought

(and I know these things do help with our intention and focus ie attention, but have never actually gotten anyone off the couch)

is pretty much the key to the whole thing - nothing actually happens until well, until something actually happens.

Anyhoo, our saga with David for anyone who has been following it at all closed a chapter a few weeks ago when he went awol, relapsed, got violent in a social setting he should have never ended up in and landed himself in jail.

He is probably going to get out next week, still untreated by anti-psychotic meds for his schizophrenia and looking to come back to our house.

(or maybe just looking for us to say he can come back to our house so he can get out of jail - it is hard to say and there is no lasting truth here anyway since the disease outruns any chance of finding it)

But our house isn't the same place he left. The windows are still peeling and the stairs still squeak, but being inhabited this summer by one person broken open and one person closed down from the experiences of the last six months doesn't create a whole lot of healing energy for anyone else - so much has been expended without an equal amount of anything coming in that things have become unbalanced.

(when I first started meditating again after a long lapse, I noticed that although I could exhale for what seemed like hours, my inhalations could never keep up - a sure sign from our bodies that we are putting out more than we are taking in)

And the dream work - the turning energy into matter - part of our journey has become as splintered as David.


* was it all a dream print by joy st. claire

5 comments:

KJ said...

*sigh*

You bring joy into my life with your posts that make me smile. You bring pause to my life with your posts that make me think. I hope at least part of that is reflected back to you.

I hope the path you are on leads to growth.

Stacey Merrill said...

((big virtual hug))

Catherine Ivins said...

thank you guys- xo back to both of you

doforanimals said...

It's hard to heal or move forward when there's an ongoing crisis-of-the-week... You with your brother-in-law, me with my mother's dementia. Do you have other family members that can share the burden? I don't with my situation. So hard to stay strong when you don't have a chance to get strong. Take care of yourself any way you can. Yoga, meditation, vitamins, rest, escapes into movies or creative projects... It's no solution, but the best we can do for now.

DancingMooney ♥ said...

Hoping things at home find balance soon... ♥