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| print by yarrow summers |
Compassion is a frequency. It's the frequency of sameness and acceptance
(the place of only one of us here - the place where we all connect).
It's the part of us that holds the essence of the universe - the place where there is no judgement.
It is the space where expansion happens.
Wherever you are, is just fine…You can get to wherever you want to be from wherever you are… It’s time to stop measuring where you are in relationship to where anybody else is. The only factor that has anything to do with you is where you are in relationship with where you want to be. --- Abraham
The more we connect to our compassionate self the more we will be heard. It's the sound that allows the universe (angels, our higher selves, universal consciousness - whatever you resonate with here) to recognize itself in us.
One day late last winter, I think during David's first relapse, I had to call a couple family members to let them know what was going on. Family help had fallen away and hubs and I were feeling very much alone at this point. I picked up the phone with a heavy heart, thinking I would lose my mind if I was about to hear "we told you so" while my heart was so broken open.
I stopped. I put down the phone. I knew that was exactly what I was going to hear if I brought that energy into the conversation. I knew that I created my own reality. I needed to get into the compassionate place of no judgement with everyone involved in the situation and not just David.
I took some deep breaths and did a few rounds of pranayama* to see what I needed to open up to.
*(alternate nostril breathing - holding one nostril closed at a time and taking some deep breaths - helps with relaxation and clear thinking - my left nostril which accesses my right "feeling" side - as opposed to my thinking side - is usually more closed. I always get my best work done when both sides are open and more equal. If you are ever driving when tired, covering your left nostril and breathing through your right nostril only - activating the left thinking side - will keep you more alert - it works)
I took the time to get myself into a more compassionate, loving space so my higher self could connect with their higher selves. I dialed the phone and told the first person what had happened.
The words from them that I would have heard as "I told you so- we've been through this before you came into the picture- David always does this - you can't fix this - who do you think you are" a few moments earlier - those exact same words were heard by my heart as "I did my best - don't make me feel guilty that I didn't do more".
In that moment I totally got that everything was exactly as it should be. There was nothing to forgive here.
Hubs and I had more to give at that time and so we gave more - family members pulling away had nothing to do with me and by pulling my judgement away from the situation everything changed. I offered them compassion, I said "yes, you have done so much - please continue to keep your heart open that we get healing in whatever way is possible here".
Well, maybe I didn't say it exactly like that, I didn't suddenly start channeling the Dalai Lama , but by offering them love instead of guilt everything changed in a moment.
Instead of looking for blame, like I would have if I had stayed in my lower self, I reached for compassion - and maybe reach is the wrong word here, I slowed myself down enough to see the other path- the one not in the frequency of my lower self - the one I could only feel.
I got into a space that was so free and so joyous (stayed there for a couple days) and so familiar that I recognized it was where I wanted to live. The compassion for others brought me into a space where I felt compassion for myself.
(I also created a whole hell of a lot of amazing new work the next day)
I have a friend whose husband had an affair and they went to a counselor - a wise counselor who said to my friend who couldn't forgive her husband - maybe you can't feel forgiveness, but can you feel compassion for him? It was the start of their healing.
I promised an exercise (in snap decision making) and will post it in a couple days since this post is too long already and I have an upcycled gift tutorial to post tomorrow!
Next week - Manifesting for Makers Part ll - why your message matters
3 comments
Thank you for the breathing lessons.
I think the word compassion is drawing me a bit off topic, nonetheless, I will share my thoughts.
I have worked for many many years with populations similar to David. I have learned, not compassion as you define it because I do judge- I once read, and continue to believe, that judging is the process through which we communicate our expectations to the community surrounding us. My judgments never kept me from empathy or from offering what I could.
I continue to work with those in need. I have the opportunity to speak with those in desperate need, and I do all that I can. I speak to those who demand without any awareness of what it is to give, I give them almost as much as those in desperate need; perhaps they might someday overcome their handicap. I often speak with those who cannot in anyway acknowledge me because their anger gets in the way. I always give to the angry person the best I am able, having learned that their anger does not negate their need or my professionalism.
Dealing with angry people has taught me that their anger is not my burden to bear past that moment. I do not have to take their anger home nor do I need to take it into the next hour. I have found the balance that works for me.
Of course this is much easier in a professional setting than it is in a family setting where the expectations are so much higher and family will always be family. As they often say in the south: bless their hearts.
Wonderful comment Kathy- thank you so much for sharing it xo
"Dealing with angry people has taught me that their anger is not my burden to bear past that moment. I do not have to take their anger home nor do I need to take it into the next hour. I have found the balance that works for me." I especially love this ...
I like your definition of judging, too- I have found that being in the place of not seeing things as good or as bad (I am thinking of that story about the man and the mule/ then son goes to war/etc if you know that one) but just as they are, gets me into the zone where I can be happier with what israther than needing something to happen or someone to be a certain way for me to feel happy or satisfied - I had no idea how much power I gave away to the situation before I learned this - of course, it's a process ... sigh ...
Lately I've been connecting with purpose, aside from passion... so I get this. And good for you, for finding strength in your situation too. ♥
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