when we think we want something and we don't really want it ....

cuddly rigor mortis locket (my new lunch buddy)

Ever since India Arie said on Oprah's Super Soul Sunday a few weeks ago,

"If you think you want it and you don't really want it, it makes you weaker."

it has been gnawing at me.

She was talking about a certain level of success, about the kind of "showing up" that is necessary to have that and about the spaces in us that sabotage the other spaces.

(well, I don't really know if that is what she was saying, what with my lack of focus and total disappearance of short-term memory situation, but that was what I was hearing)

I have always known there is a little resistant part of me that wants to stay put, that doesn't want to stand out, that thinks this blog is a little too know-it-ally now - a space in me that was much more comfortable when I was just whining on Wednesdays, that gets a little tense when a big thinker tells me how much more I could be doing.

The space that pretends we don't know what we want or that what we have is what we want because really wanting what we want would be pretty freakin' painful (and yes, I'll say it, embarrassing) if we didn't get it.

Especially since we live in a world where we can see other people getting it - am I the only person with Facebook friends who are always doing the most amazing things - was everybody else always doing all this awesomeness while I sat on my porch watching ants - I think I might have been happier not knowing this ...  

Or the space that pretends we do want it, because what are we a slacker, shouldn't we want that!

I've held this space for decades. I've nurtured it.

I've never thought about it the way she said it though - I think it was the word weaker that stopped me in my tracks.

I had an Etsy shop owner a few months ago ask me for some selling advice and she told me immediately she wanted to net $50,000 a year selling her jewelry which was priced at about $30 a piece. A quick estimate told me (assuming her raw goods and expense costs were about 30%, which I just totally made up) she would need to sell about 2500 pcs of jewelry a year retail or about double that number wholesale to make $50,000.

She was currently selling about 10 pcs a week.

Going from 10 pcs a week to 50 - 100 pcs a week would be a pretty big change for her - I asked her how much time she thought that would take (for me, and you may need more time than this you don't have Olive after all, I calculate 3 hours of total work for every 1 hour of production), if she could even source her raw materials for these kind of numbers, is she had the funds to support that kind of growth (it actually does cost money to make money), 

how she would double her retail sales and maybe pick up 3 wholesale orders a week?

People might think - "well, I'd still like to have such problems" when actually these are exactly the kind of problems that put a lot of good businesses out of business.

(whether we go out of business because of too few customers or too many, we are still out of business) 

They are also the kind of problems that some space in us sees even before we do and says "I'm not sure I want that."

I'm sure she thought I was being negative and we never spoke again. I was trying to get her positive (the definition of positive that means certain) with her intention and looking at what this would actually mean - to see what kind of stuff this brought up in her - because it was exactly the stuff that came up that would create her roadblocks.

She was very certain she didn't want to hire any employees or do any outdoor shows and immediately looking at her numbers and looking at what she made - she wasn't putting a made-in-China pendant on a made-in-China chain like at least half the jewelry makers on Etsy are now - my immediate reaction was that it would be a lot of work and I wondered if some part of her was realizing this and blocking the process.

Some space in her that really didn't want to step into that life; some space that found it easier to say "this just isn't working" than to make the changes so that it can work or really look at whether or not she even wanted it to.

If we think we want something - maybe because we think we should want it - or maybe because part of us really does want it but other spaces in us are holding resistance to it, and we don't really want it (making and selling 2500-5000 pieces of anything a year all by ourselves is a whole lot of work, folks), it weakens us.

It's this polarity (and not the amazing locket - warning shameless plug ahead - have you seen this) that creates the self-sabotage or the unhappiness; the negative emotions from the resistance not what we actually do. Of course, the actions come from the emotions so it all goes full circle, but even a circle probably has a space where we can just jump in (or jump off) - think of that spinning ride at the playground.

I am still not sure where I am going with this thinking. I know we can tell what it is we are really wanting by the way it makes us feel - 

the problem is that so many things that could be really good things, can bring up fear in us. It seems like things can initially feel bad (as in scary, mostly) so we don't think we can always trust our feelings to go with what feels good. 

We have seen the bad stuff work out and the good stuff go all to hell.

We think we should feel the fear and do it anyway. But then life becomes one challenge after another and I'm not so sure things should be that hard. Maybe changing the emotion from fear to excitement (joy would be even better) before taking action helps eliminate the resistance that creates the sabotage; it will be a lot easier to change the emotion than to rewrite our personal history.

I have to keep thinking about this. Or I have to stop thinking about this. I think I have to stop thinking about this - whatever it is I am intended to get out of it will show up in an easier way for me to grasp.

(hopefully covered in something kind of grippy, I have dropped 2 test tubes in the last 24 hours). 

Have a wonderful weekend everyone - it's summer, so relax and let's enjoy it - actually don't even read this post - it is way too much to think about in late July ...

but you knew that ..... a note from the Universe

Dreams come true, Cat , that's what they do.

For the slow approach:

Resist. Attach. Insist. Deny. Stop. Second guess. Whine. Argue. Defend. Protest. Cry. Struggle. Ask others, when you know the answer yourself.

For the quick approach:

Visualize. Pretend. Prepare. Dodge. Roll. Do not waiver over intentions, but only methods. Show up, even when nothing happens. Give thanks in advance.

But you knew that,
    The Universe

mercury for makers - transitions and crossroads and the lessons of paying attention

the impatient patient locket

Now that Mercury has returned from the underworld things will start to feel like they are picking up steam for us.

When I first started looking at astrology charts, back in my banking days, it wasn't possible for me to know anyone's exact time of birth,

(although I once had a very odd, elderly client and I was strangely drawn to ask him - he must have thought it a very thorough file I was putting together for him - after I asked his date of birth and place, both standard questions, I asked him if he knew the time he was born, he knew almost down to the exact second as I knew he would)

so I didn't pay a lot of attention to the fast moving planets since they change too frequently. Mercury is one of those fast moving, inner planets, though, that was always on my radar.

In a Tarot deck Mercury is the Magician card - an archetype many makers are familiar with even if they have never heard of him.

The Magician is the alchemist - the great conjurer; the maker of something out of nothing - we channel this energy all the time.

The shadow of the magician is manipulation, disorganization, depression, lack of focus and lack of motivation. Personally, I have no ability to manipulate (at least not successfully); the other shadows I am familiar with.

"Working with Mercury means that we must cultivate the art of recognizing significant communications, knowing what is truth and what is falsehood or else the lessons of the crossroads - the point where doors open or close, where persons have to make decisions that may forever affect their lives - will be lost." - Robert Faris Thompson

Maybe that sounds a bit more dire than it needs to be, but truly we do not need hindsight to have 20/20 vision.

Seen close to the sun at dusk or before dawn - Mercury is the mysterious messenger of the Gods who presides over all times of transitions; all crossroads.

I can't see everyone's chart to check where his royal elusiveness was hanging out when you were born, although if you email me I can tell you -

but I will say that Mercury in a fire sign receives and transmits insight through fire - think get your fire started inspiration here, in an earth sign (like mine) it is about building something physical with those ideas, in an air sign ideas are used to connect people or to make things beautiful and in a water sign Mercury is about introspection.

There is no particularly challenging placements for artists - although some are better than others for tangible manifestations. It's all good though, as they say. The speed Mercury was moving when we drew that first breath has an impact, too (deep, solid thinker vs fast, quick wit).

Mercury represents communication. He is associated with the lungs (my acupuncturist tells me that ailments to the lungs are unexpressed grief), the wind, birds, the hands (by creating with our hands we can heal grief), he reminds us to be cool-headed (meaning clear and responsible as opposed to hot-headed meaning thick and irresponsible).

One ritual for getting in touch with Mercury's cool thinking at a juncture is to pour cool water at the crossroads - you can do this at the bathroom sink - set something on the left side of the sink representing the one path and something on the top of the sink near the faucets representing the other path, cross the things and place them in their opposite places (left to right and top to bottom) - pour cool water at the point where the paths have intersected and speak the intention to get clear on your decision.

(know that this ritual means that you have taken action, see what happens and how you feel about it)

Mercury always reminds us that we are leading a magical life - that thoughts are things, that what we turn our attention to expands. Mercury reminds us that it is important to intend what we say. We are reminded to think about how our thoughts make us feel.

Does the thought we are thinking make us stronger or make us weaker?

Next post - how thinking we want something and not really wanting it makes us weaker (yes, back to that one)

Part IV - Profit like a Prophet - Reclaiming our Authority with Saturn Energy

 

The shadow of working with this energy is the temptation to become too authoritarian.

(we are the authors of our own story but we are not here to write anyone else's - Saturn abhors ghost-writers)

Rigidity (in our thinking and bodies), insecurity, tyranny, taking ourselves too seriously are probably signs that we have moved into the shadow and need a reboot

(and some serious cutting-loose time).

Iron deficiencies (Saturn rules iron) often equal irony deficiencies. I would recommend spinach and Steve Carrell.

(I want to see his new movie this weekend - no cutting-loose in this one though)

James Hillman, who studied with Carl Jung, pointed out that silver (the Moon, creativity) and lead (Saturn, depression) are always found together in nature. He implied that depression is crucial to creativity. I'm not sure this is true, but depression can be a challenge for creatives. Loss of focus and inaction contribute.

Positive thinking is a great tool for working with Saturn's challenges.

The positive thinking that actually works though is the "positive" that means certain -

not the word "positive" that means "good". 

Being certain things are getting better and being certain our world is falling apart are both the kind of thinking that creates just that. 

It's the certainty that is powerful, not the goodness or badness of something we are thinking about. Life just demands expansion - it's up to us how that expansion happens.

We need to be thinking about what we are thinking about. We need to be paying attention to our emotions. We need to be taking action that feels good.

Saturn is about our responsibilities - all the things we signed up to do here - the relationships, the challenges, the work, the projects.

He makes a complete orbit of the zodiac every 28-30 years (called our Saturn return, he returns to his place in the skies at the time we were born and basically proceeds to take our inventory - hard work, self-questioning, nowhere to hide - think of it as Saturn hitting all your houses at once). 

Now that Saturn is direct again - take a look at the house this affects in your chart - you can probably look this up online or email me and I'll tell you. This is the house where you will not be allowed to procrastinate or be indecisive right now (and thru 2014) - this is the space that you will have much universal support when you step into your authority!

Next week, Mercury finally moves direct again and since Mercury is all about our voice in the world, communication and magic - we will take a look at how we can make her work with our businesses and lives, too.

Have a great weekend all! The heat is making all of us in Jersey mad-hatter hysterical.

And typing the word hysterical reminds me that the word hysteria comes from the word uterus - because hysteria was thought to originate in the uterus - I know. 

I think men could not imagine that being a woman living in a world defined by men could make someone appear mad - that going bat-shirt crazy at midlife was actually a totally healthy reaction to an unhealthy situation.

Now that we are all living in an undefined world and men are crashing about mad as hatters, too - maybe it's time for a new word.

Of course who knows how much hysterical was actually in the hysteria anyway.

Once, many years back I called hubs at work because I found a drowned squirrel in the pool. Now, I had already fished her out and done a proper burial with my daughter and her little friends in the backyard, but I think I just wanted to talk to a grown up about it.

Anyhoo, we were talking on the phone and someone at his job needed his attention and he said to this person, "Hold on a minute. My wife's on the phone and she's hysterical". And I said, "Huh, I'm not hysterical." and he said "Well, you sound pretty upset."

To this day he insists I called him sounding hysterical. Of course, I just called all the people of NJ hysterical (not just the ones in possession of a uterus) ... I think we might be though - it is pretty freakin' hot .... xo all