Friday, December 6, 2013
5 Things I Learned in 2013 ... #4
Yes, this is one of those count backward things like Letterman.
I have a friend who is a very judgey ... she is brilliant and a perfectionist and very organized and this judgmental thing she has going on has always driven me crazy.
A couple months ago this friend stopped cursing. She just woke up one day and decided cursing sounds terrible and ... well, she just stopped.
I was talking to her and a curse word slipped from my lips. I saw her blink - a long, hard blink. I slipped another curse word into my next sentence and there it was - that long, hard judgmental blink again.
(maybe some kind of involuntary reaction like the ex-smoker coughing around the cigarette)
I wondered if she was silently praying for me every time a four letter word escaped my lips.
I got annoyed.
I started sliding curse word after curse word into the conversation until I sounded like Carmella Soprano and had her blinking like a turn signal that needed a new bulb.
Soon she was rubbing her forehead and asking for an aspirin.
When I told hubby this story that night he said it was the meanest thing I'd ever done.
( I actually thought it was kind of sweet of him to think I had never done anything meaner than give a non-curser a headache - does he even know who he's married to?)
It did wake me up to the fact that as she was judging me I was judging her right back.
Which isn't really a surprise. I know the more we judge ourselves the more people we attract into our life who seem to criticize us. I know that judgments block energy, set up internal defenses and resistance and tend to hold negative patterns in place.
This lesson - which sounds simple and obvious and sort of stupid maybe - hit me over the head. Although I think of myself as a non-judgmental person, well except for people who litter or don't like animals, I mean we are totally allowed to judge them, of course, but I can be really quite judgy (and yes, I can spell this word with or without the 'e' since spell check assures me I am making this word up either way).
Discerning is ok. Discerning is a good thing. Judgey not so much.
Maybe this isn't really a lesson, but it did show me how I measure the world and mostly myself. I have seen her a couple times since our curse/blink off and she doesn't seem judgey at all to me now ... in fact I can clearly see the love there and feel compassion for her, which I know is mirroring the compassion I am feeling for myself .....