the problem with looking too far ahead ....

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I want to know what's going to happen.

(even though I know that thoughts are things and currents of infinite possibility run deep through my bones)

I want to know that everyone is going to have a happy ending and that things are going to all work out.

(even though I know that nothing real can be threatened and nothing unreal exists)

I want to know if what I am doing is going to work before I do it.

(even though ... well, because I'm kind of lazy)

I want a guarantee and yes, I want it signed in permanent ink and notarized.

The problem with this way of going through life is when I look too far ahead:

1. I miss all the stuff I don't do now because it looks like it might be a bad idea later

(if I skipped everything in life that looked like a loser, I surely would have missed the sidesteps that took me to the winners)

2. I miss the cracks in the sidewalk that are right at my feet awaiting my tiniest misstep

(and I am clumsy enough with feet firmly planted on the ground - you know that twitchy/jerky thing that happens sometimes just before we fall asleep - well, I have been known to do that wide awake)

3. I miss the excitement of life surprising me

(since I cannot count on hubs to do this - we both forgot our anniversary last week)

The problem is even knowing these things with an absolute certainty:

I still want to know what's going to happen.


KJ said...

Do you turn to the end of a good book to see if the character you love survives to the end? I don't need more than that tiny detail. I do find, however, that I really do enjoy the journey.

Happy anniversary.

Catherine Ivins said...

I don't peek but I will stay up all night to finish the book because I can't sleep not knowing!Thanks Kathy - we have actually forgotten it before, too, maybe because it was just us and his mother and brother - maybe if we'd had to send invitations and thank yous the date would be in our heads ... xo to you on your journey