5 lessons I'm taking from 2013 ...

Top 5 lessons I learned in 2013

or the last 5 lessons I learned in 2013

(my short term memory is as holey as swiss cheese these days I blame GMOs which is not as crazy as it sounds read this)

or maybe I should say relearned since life is a spiral and we sometimes run into the same stuff again and again in different spaces and forms.

I know I have run into this one before.

I realize this is all a little heavy for December  reading, and this first lesson is a little dense ... maybe if you are reading this you could play some holiday music in the background to stay festive, so I don't kill your Santa buzz.

Anyhoo, a little vague (sorry) background info - a situation was brought to my attention about something someone was doing.

I had to decide whether to ignore the situation or push against it (ie take some kind of real world action).

I decided (after much back and forth with myself - my usual crazy person routine) that ignoring the situation was the higher action. Inaction was stating to myself that this was a situation I did not have to worry about - I trusted life to take care of me and what this person was doing could not threaten me. I was safe. I decided the decision to not take action would bring me more peace.

I ignored the situation. I did a little spell to release it. I withdrew my attention (mostly).

A few months later the situation winded its way back at me in a bigger way.

(This sometimes happens with things we ignore - this is not because ignoring - ie withdrawing our attention from something is intrinsically a bad thing - it is always best to focus on what we do want and not what we don't want. I think maybe it happens when there is something else the situation is showing us like maybe the inaction we thought was from higher ground was actually based in fear)

This time I thought - "well, I got no peace within myself by ignoring this situation so I will stand up for myself and push back".

So I pushed.

I told myself I didn't care about what results came from the push that I just needed to take action to stand up for myself.

(I had a memory from 7th grade. I was sitting in front of a new group of girls about a month after I moved to a new town, again - we moved every year, and this group was giggling and making fun of me and I turned around and said something back to one of the girls, which made me feel better for about 5 seconds, and they then proceeded to amp up the torture and make my life totally miserable for the rest of the year. This memory made me think that this time I needed to stand up for myself and see that my world wouldn't fall apart)

But, as soon as I pushed (and this was the kind of push without a delete key) I knew I had made a mistake.

I was pushing from a place of weakness - my push was stating to myself that I had something to fear from what this person I was pushing against was doing. I wasn't trusting life to take care of me even though I know that what is real can not be threatened and anything that can be threatened isn't real.

(the central and first Course of Miracles lesson)

I know that any belief I have will create the outcome of any action I take and I was acting against myself even though the push made logical sense.

(and I realize I am not telling you exactly what I am talking about here, but  you will have to trust me that most people, especially creative makers probably would have pushed).

I knew immediately that whatever the result of the push was (this part was outside my control anyway) - I wouldn't get peace from pushing.

The lessons (yes, there are lessons inside of lessons with this stuff - life is messy and I am not a paper towel kind of girl) I take from this experience of being faced with deciding between two actions and having neither action be the right action is:

#5. The action taken from a decision isn't what the decision is really about. 

Life doesn't present us with a good choice and a bad choice - that would make this entire game called life on planet Earth pretty boring since we would have the whole thing figured out by age 7. Life presents us with choices that prepare the field and allow us to move into different spaces. Neither space is perfect because then the game would be over.

So either choice could have brought me what I wanted, which for me these days is mostly peace, or neither choice could have brought me peace because it is me and not the choice that is bringing the peace.

Einstein said, "No problem can be solved from the same level of consciousness that created it." 

I was trying to solve a problem by looking at the problem. It's like the problem and the solution are two sides of the same coin. We can't have a problem unless a solution exists otherwise there would be no pattern the problem could be formulated from (no matter how many trains run over a coin it still has two sides) but we can't see the (solution) head of a coin by looking at the tail (the problem). 

(unless we are doing one of those squinty eye things looking at the side of the coin, but who wants to go through life with her faced all squished up like that)

The problem was never what this other person was doing, the problem was always how I was feeling. Maybe the problem hadn't resurfaced because I had chosen incorrectly the first time (when I had chosen to let it go) but simply to allow me to choose again and work out, within me, what making the opposite choice would feel like.

Anyhoo - I will try for some lighter lessons in the days ahead, this is December after all. But I did call 2013 my Year of Deciding (or was that 2012?) so this one is a biggie for me again. 

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next lesson next week - have an amazing weekend everyone! xo

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