random ramblings week - today: buffer zones - or good fences make good neighbors or if you turn around in my driveway I'll cut ya'

the view of our new fence from our front porch

Every house we've looked at since the idea of moving took root has been built on a busy street

(partly because we have ruled out suburban developments, but mostly I'm sure because we have ruled out busy streets - ugh)

and since we have spent so many years waiting for traffic to stop so we can pull in and out of our driveway, and this feels like something we would like to give up doing, and we have had 3 accidents in front of our house we've been hoping for something different.

I noticed that although every house was built on a busy street- they didn't have that busy street feel our house sometimes does.

I noticed they all had buffers.

They had trees that ran the front of the property line and gave the front yard a more private feeling and really blocked out the noise.

I needed a buffer (in more ways than one and I'll get to that) but I didn't want to plant trees since I'm pretty sure I won't be in this house to watch them grow up (sniffle) and I don't want to just see them through preschool after all - I am a better tree-mother, earth-mama than that.

And I didn't want to spend a gazillion dollars on picket fencing or landscaping.

Anyhoo, to cut to the chase here - we put up an inexpensive split rail fence a couple weeks ago.

The last post wasn't even in the ground on installation day when George and I were looking at each other like - why the hell didn't we do this years ago.

It had nothing to do with the way the fence looked, although it looks pretty good and everything to do with the way the fence felt.

Well, not the way the fence felt since it is rough and weathered and likely to give anyone running their fingers along it splinters - it really affected the way we felt.

For the first time in years (please don't be as slow as me to figure shit like this out) we had a front yard for us.

Our front yard had always felt like it belonged to other people. It was the yard where we cut the grass every week and watched dandelions bloom every spring while disgruntled neighbors looked on in dismay. It was the yard where we planted flowers along the house so they would look nice from the street - the yard where the drivers lined up out front at the nearby traffic light would sometimes throw their cigarette butts and often use our driveway for their u-turns.

(and we are not the kind of people to put up "no u-turn" signs - although it always gave me a funny feeling - and it happened almost daily - I'm not sure if it is because it feels like someone has come to visit and then abruptly decided to leave or it feels like an invasion of our space. I'm not sure what it is that bothered me about it, but it does did)

The front yard felt like something we had to take care of more than something that took care of us - now, I can see that we were looking at the whole thing backwards.

It is exactly the place that takes care of us and it was the fence that created the boundary that let us see this part of our space as ours.

We decided to plant a couple rose bushes - without hesitating we both knew they would be planted on the inside of the fence. The roses are for us.

(which is a good thing since there's no guarantee how long they will last with my not-quite-green thumb)

This buffer zone thing - this "things expanding within boundaries" and not even just within them but because of them is a lesson for my life in so many ways right now.

NOTE - whenever something really works for us or really doesn't work (a loud clear resonation either way) - if we take a moment and really look at it we can often see how this same thing can translate into other areas of our life - aha moments are aha moments for a reason and they are very personal things.

There is a structure creates freedom post I wrote a while back and it all holds true for buffer zones, too, which are the boundaries we create to lay claim to our space. The boundaries that need to come before the place where we get real and vulnerable.

This zone is like the relationship you build with someone before you let it all hang out with them, the space you've built together so you know you will be safe. Real growth only comes from being open and unprotected, but this doesn't mean we need to be stupid.

Yesterday's post about biting off more than we can chew, which was such an aha moment for me, and probably a snore-fest for some (this is really personal stuff after all) shows up in my life in other ways, too.

(which will take us back to next week's series, which I kicked off last week, about do-overs)

It made me think about all the ways I need to slow down and focus and finish my unfinished stuff (or toss it) before piling more on my plate. I don't like to call these things lessons because that feels a little bit like I could pass or fail (although if someone wants to stick a gold star on my forehead I am totally up for that) and that we need to struggle to get it right.

We don't.

These are simply experiences and taking the time to look at what it all means and the way the different parts of our life work together will create clearer, more full experiences for us next time - at the very least we get to feel like the Ewings every time we pull into our driveway (which other cars have stopped turning around in now that we have claimed it ... plus made it harder for them to maneuver into) - we may have to rename this place Northfork.

xo all

random rambling week ....today - why biting off more than we can chew is more than bad manners

My brother and I at NJ's rally

Some random ramblings this week feels like what we need.

(also a scary bad pic of my brother and I at the NJ rally against Monsanto's monopoly of our food supply)

1. Health Stuff

I am going to stay lighter with this stuff since previous posts - depression, thyroid, schizophrenia, cysts, fertility, hiatal hernia topics - have been a little uh depressing, but I did want to pass on a tip that I heard last week from an expert about digestion.

This is important so grab a pen and listen up.

Our only teeth are in our mouths

- that's it. Genius stuff. Write it down or better yet commit it to memory because if you're anything like me, you'll probably lose the piece of paper.

It sounds simple and a bit, well, disgusting if you start thinking about teeth in your stomach or your feet or something, but it really boils down to - we need to slow down and chew our food.

The 'expert' I heard - now I am not going to tell you what kind of expert this was because I do not want to ruin this piece of important information for you - you might get all judgey about it and say something like "now wait a minute Cat, your mailman isn't an expert" or "that guy at the rally with the hazmat suit and the ponytail isn't an expert" - look, I don't go around asking people about their credentials - that would be rude. You'll just have to trust me - this came from an expert.

Our stomachs are not supposed to digest huge pieces of food and when we ask our stomachs to do that - it will need to produce extra stomach acid and we don't want that - so we need to chew our food well. 40 times this guy said - yes, you heard me, 40 times.

So, here's the test- chew a mouthful of food and before you would normally swallow just spit it out

(on a plate not into your hand or anyone else's hand unless you have kids and you want this lesson to really stick with your kids and actually this is a great lesson for kids and we do want it to stick with them, so I say spit your food right into their hands- they will never forget this)

then take another bite and chew it 40 times and spit it out. Check the difference - this is how your food should look when it hits your esophagus.

Esophageal health and gut health are very important. This chewing thing may not be the entire picture - the stuff we are chewing and the eco-system we have created in our body are important factors of course, but this chewing thing is about more than just preventing choking.

Also, don't add food to your mouth once you have food in there. And only put enough food into your mouth that you can swallow it all at once.

You are probably thinking that you already do this. Hubs and I were thinking the same thing until we sat down to eat and realized we were adding food when we already had food in our mouths all the time and swallowing it a little at a time - because we had too much in there. And we were only chewing about 10 times (and I admit getting to 40 chews is a little challenging- we're shooting for 20).

So- today's random rambling - we only have teeth in our mouths. Let that sink in (the words not your teeth, of course if you do use your teeth, just remember to chew ... alot).

xo all

Marching to Save our Food Supply

Tomorrow I will be walking, along with my favorite brother and favorite sister-in-law

(of course we are expecting rain - this is Memorial Day weekend and this is the Jersey Shore after all)

as part of a global March Against Monsanto and genetically modified food.

There is a link to the marches taking place around the globe HERE - if you have a walk in your area and can spare a couple hours this is important. We are all affected by Monsanto's reckless domination of the food industry and our food supply.

Most countries require GMO labeling and more than 60 have banned GMO food altogether including Australia, France, Germany, Ireland and Japan.

This can happen for us, too - but we need to take action.

Studies have linked GMOs and Roundup to cancer, infertility, autism, parkinson's, alzheimer's and other diseases.

I don't want to focus on the problem - because we know that what we focus on grows - so my own intention with this walk is to focus on getting our voices heard, getting information out, coming together with like minded people - a focus on solutions.

pulling back to strengthen the foundation of our business (and our lives) part I

I may just be talking to myself with this one, but I have come to realize as we fix up our little house in preparation of selling it

(although the selling it part is looking a little uncertain right now)

we have spent years adding some kind of new or some kind of more or some kind of something else to this house without a clear plan for how all of these fixings work together.

Throw in a woman who loves a good project and a man who hates to finish one and there is the potential for some real trouble here.

(I am convinced hubs inability to finish things is the perfectionist's trap - if something is actually done he needs it to be perfect, it will never be perfect, so it is better to move on to something else less his work get judged and of course my own part in this little dance is that I continually take on projects that I cannot finish without him - which is a whole hell of a lot of stuff actually - I lift weights, sort of, but can't even hold a curtain rod over my head for more than 30 seconds without getting shakey arms? wth)

Those little unfinished things that I used to walk right on past and never even think about, my head being full of new and more things, well, I'm thinking about them now. They are staring out at me from every corner with red eyes that do not look very friendly actually and calling my name with a deep Tony Soprano accent when I try to sleep.

"Hey Cat, it's me, the carpet in the extra room - the room the cat got trapped in that one summer night and tried to claw her way out - I don't look too good. I'm down here."

"Hey Cat, it's me, that hole in the wall from that time you partied like it was 1999 and instead of fixing me you covered me up with that ugly painting, well the new buyer probably won't want your ugly painting Cat - I'm over here."

"Hey Cat, it's me, the laundry room tiles that were never replaced under the washer and dryer so the old ones are still down here. Does Home Depot still sell those tiles Cat?"

UGH!

I can see now how our very foundation has been unstable for years with the weight of all this unfinishedness.

It's made our lives top heavy (and not in a good Dolly Parton kind of way either).

It's made us wobbly.

Wobbly people do not make good decisions. Wobbly places do not support us.

This works the same with our businesses.

For those of us who have been doing this a while we may have allowed our business to grow in unintended directions - we may have dropped so many oars into the water they are dragging down the boat - we may have been depending on the temporary fix instead of shoring up our foundation.

Part II the foundation of our business - back to basics (part II may be after the holiday- if so- enjoy the weekend everyone!)