Friday, August 7, 2009

The Names Have Been Changed to Protect the Innocent

So, anyhoo, lots of new stuff to report tonight before I am off to drown my sorrows in great quantities of aspirin or liquor.

First of all, I hired myself an intern (I just love that word so much) and she started today.

(note the word hired which means some money is changing hands and note the word intern which means not much money)

She has a very vague job description which I thought up late last night and wrote on the back of an M&M's wrapper.

(yes, the new coconut ones- not sure what I think of them yet- need to get another bag before commenting since hubby ate most of them and yes, I wanted to recycle that wrapper even if it meant gumming my pen up with melted chocolate)

Before you get all happy for me (or a little bit jealous) let me just say that she is in high school (pre-driving age) and she is working for me one day a week (the day I have enough accounts and money coming in to actually hire an adult person with a driver's license is probably the day I will be run over by my distracted UPS driver).

Nina's (name has been changed to protect the innocent) first day left me with a little bit of a headache (okay quite a bit of a headache) partly because I am not used to teenage conversation or any conversation that doesn't involve a keyboard really and I somehow managed to hire the one teenage girl on the face of the planet who did not read Twilight (what the heck am I going to talk to her about) and the one teenage girl (I hope) with a crush on ... David Caruso (red head CSI)!

(I will definitely be taking action on this one- this is way too scary to allow to continue- I may even have to involve her parents)

After she left (ie after I drove her home) I had a semi-new neighbor drop by to introduce me to her newest guy and since I am feeling a bit motherly to this new neighbor for some reason, I managed to pepper her guy with 20 questions without ever leaving my front porch.

"Are you married?", "No".
"Do you have a job?", "Yes." then he added "with benefits".

(impressing me by anticipating my next question- this was obviously a guy who could think on his feet)

"Do you like dogs?" "Sure"
"Great because Tina (name has been changed to protect the innocent) has a dog."

(I do have a few more social skills than this scenario suggests and didn't really fire off these questions quite so randomly ... but almost)

"Where do you live?"
"I live in my van." *points to van in my driveaway*

(note this is not a Volkswagen, hippie, heading to a Phish show kind of van- which would only be a tiny bit better anyway- this was more of a mom heading to soccer practice with three cranky kids kind of van)

So anyhoos, as you can imagine I can't remember anything past this point because I pretty much stopped processing and my itty bitty headache has grown into something with a life of its own which I am now calling Nina/Tina (name changed to protect the innocent) and swallowing large quantities of aspirin and water (well, it is the color of water) to drown ....

(on the bright side the weather today was amazing)
1. Relief Soy Candle by OffBeet
2. Crochet Necklace by LovelyCrochet
3. Storyville Lace Top by BayouSalvage
4. Sunbather Cufflinks by PosyStudio
5. Keep on Truckin by fstopinertia

7 comments:

Kate8085 said...

Ok, so you probably need a whole bottle of *ahem* water.
Or Jack Daniels, whatever.
I would be more than happy to come and be your new intern.
I will sit beside you, type not talk,
get you coffee (only because I want some), then drive my own ass home.
What more could you ask for?
This is my resume..I might want to work on it a bit.
Oh, is his van down by the river?
:)

Elisa Shere said...

Lives in a van???? That's not boyfriend material! As far as the intern goes, and I'm not sure where you live, but the local college/art program may be able to get you a FREE intern. That's something I'm looking into myself.

M.M.E. said...

Huh, I thought boyfriends were supposed to have terribly dirty apartments full of crusty plates and unwashed cups. I don't remember a van coming in to play. The world is just changing too fast!

Fringe said...

Oh lordy, where to begin...

I hope Nina/Tina is no longer with you, darling. However, if it is, hair of the dog is always good for the day after.

From my experience, teenager = neverending headache. So you may want to stock up on aspirin & lemonade(the name has been changed to protect the innocent).

The boyfriend with benefits (yeah, right) that lives in a van (which is probably in his mom's name). Tina, Tina, Tina. I don't even know the girl and I have a headache. I unfortunately have a vision of this boyfriend, and I have to tell ya, it's not good. Did you see Napolean Dynamite? Uncle Rick?

I do have hope that you can whip Nina into shape. Teenagers can be molded. Tina is another story.

xo

the Lost Earring said...

Congrats on the intern, I think? More importantly, why wasn't I an intern for a hip chick like you--I spent high school working in a fast food restaurant for crying out loud! Most importantly, I must find some of those coconut M&M's you mentioned.

Enjoy your "water" but sans the aspirin mmkay? :)

Sherry said...

I'm passing you both. I had a "talkative", albeit very nice intern for 3 days. She found out she was pregnant and decided working (two afternoons) a week was not for her.

holly aka golly said...

Too funny! You've got a one way ticket to the "Betty" coming your way. ; )