Saturday, October 31, 2015

muttering (and mothering) in the Maine woods ...


I spent a lot of time muttering to myself when we were in Maine last week (and eating ... and losing my gloves ... and eating ... and losing my gloves).

I caught myself, three or four times, actually speaking out loud and then looking around to see if anyone had heard me.

At first I thought "well, maybe I have things I need to say no one would want or need to hear" and my brain was kind of just reflexively spitting them out or I thought it was some kind of Full Moon madness since they say talking to yourself is the first sign

(Stalin and Hitler even passed laws to make it illegal).

But the more I thought about what I was rambling about (and I had the song Waterloo stuck in my head too, sometimes life is just not fair, folks) I came to the conclusion it was some kind of truth-talk squeezing past my inner scensors and when I thought about it even more I realized it was totally directed at myself (even when I appeared to be grumbling about something or someone else).

Mostly we think of stuff and then maybe we say it or maybe we write it down or maybe we just forget about it.We probably think a lot of the same stuff again and again.

Muttering is kind of the other way around - we think about it after we say it. Maybe it's like automatic writing (I tried that once, but gave up when my tea grew cold and my hand cramped up) or almost a kind of self-coaching.

In fact the word 'mutter' comes from the German for 'mother', so maybe this way of thinking isn't so crazy. Maybe when we mutter we are actually mothering ourselves.

Stay with me. (and yes, I muttered this part ... and sounded a lot like Rod Stewart when he was just the right amount of raspy - you're welcome)

We've got some interesting celestial aspects heading our way and synchronicities will appear if we are paying attention.

Muttering could be helpful in the sense it kind of connects us back to ourselves. For now I'm trying to listen to my mutter (in a mothering and not smothering way, staying open to the significance that maybe it is directed from me to me), paying attention to what I say under my breath and through clenched teeth, really hearing the words to that song I keep humming; trying to be loud and deliberate.

Maybe then it can settle down feeling listened to and understood. And I can get this damn Abba song out of my head .... xo all



At Waterloo Napoleon did surrender
Oh yeah
And I have met my destiny in quite a similar way
The history book on the shelf
Is always repeating itself
Waterloo - I was defeated, you won the war
Waterloo - Promise to love you for ever more
Waterloo - Couldn't escape if I wanted to
Waterloo - Knowing my fate is to be with you
Waterloo - Finally facing my Waterloo

My my
I tried to hold you back, but you were stronger
Oh yeah
And now it seems my only chance is giving up the fight
And how could I ever refuse
I feel like I win when I lose
Waterloo - I was defeated, you won the war
Waterloo - Promise to love you for ever more
Waterloo - Couldn't escape if I wanted to
Waterloo - Knowing my fate is to be with you
Waterloo - Finally facing my Waterloo

So how could I ever refuse
I feel like I win when I lose
Waterloo - I was defeated, you won the war
Waterloo - Promise to love you for ever more
Waterloo - Couldn't escape if I wanted to
Waterloo - Knowing my fate is to be with you
Waterloo - Finally facing my Waterloo

2 comments:

KJ said...

I mentioned recently that I mutter to myself "life is sweet" or "life is good." Really, it helps me keep a positive outlook- even when I say out-loud, and quite clearly, to other people: John Doe is bustin' my butt. Then I add lots of positive things about John Doe because they are true and balance is important. And the entire reason I am saying these negative but true things out-loud is just stress relief and to acknowledge the things I am working on doing better.

You know the other thing is you could be muttering to yourself because you work alone. I never realized I talked out-loud to nobody until a roommate kept wondering if I was talking to him.

So, life is sweet. Hope you enjoyed Maine.

Catherine Ivins said...

Hi Kathy- I have been trying some intentional more positive mutterings, too, (rather than my usual "that goddamn yadda, yadda", I know you lived in NJ for a bit and will understand) - anticipating my mutterings will someday become unintentional like yours have. Life is sweet is a goodie.... xo

and yes, no doubt all this time working alone has contributed