Part II taking action to increase our self worth so our business draws the stuff we want to line up with - FORGIVENESS

It might look like there are many reasons we are not making enough income or we have hit an income 'ceiling' - it might look like the economy is soft or we are working hours for dollars and there are only so many hours or we don't have the money to do the thing we want to do or we didn't finish college or we didn't even go to college or the thing we are selling is only worth so much or we are burned out (there is some truth to burnout here, but often burnout comes from our not valuing ourselves enough to say when or to move on when we need to) or yada, yada, yada.

In reality maybe there is only one reason we self sabotage when we hit any kind of ceiling (unless you are in an attic like mine where standing up is only possible for 3 year olds) and that reason is fear and that fear comes from our (often unconscious) beliefs about our self worth. 

Author Gay Hendricks (The Big Leap) says we know we have uncovered one of our own personal upper limits when

"a negative emotional reaction occurs when something positive enters our lives".

This may not be an exact quote since I don't have the book anymore and Google isn't pulling it up, but when I heard this years ago I knew it was big.

When something positive happens we should feel good, right?

But sometimes we don't. Sometimes we immediately start thinking something will go wrong now - this good thing won't last or we can't get this lucky without something bad happening next (this one is often the unconscious belief of money in/ money out people) or whatever thoughts come up for us that turn some positive happening into a negative emotion (and we don't want this remember those neuropeptides!).

Self sabotage will probably show up in our business lives as one side of the polarities of procrastination vs rushing things, non action vs nonstop action, perfectionism vs sloppiness, not being able to make a decision vs split second decisions we regret, distractability vs unnecessary focus on minor details, overcharging vs. undercharging, hoarding vs releasing too much -

basically extremes in our behavior based in fear that screw things up for us (if self worth is a very big issue or if we are very young, sometimes before we even really get started, but most often when we reach an unconscious upper limit ceiling).

This is the stuff that happens when we lose a bunch of weight and feel really good and start getting more attention ... and then it starts to feel totally weird. So we go to the fridge and eat a gallon of ice cream.

1. Look for recurring patterns in your life. These patterns may not show up in the same area of our life every time. They may happen all at once or many years apart. They may not look like they have anything to do with our self worth or our business or our money - it doesn't matter, just look for patterns.

2. Talk about these patterns out loud and listen to our language - the words we choose to use to explain things matters, a lot.

3.  If you are interested check the astrological houses and see if there is a connection with these patterns there that might be helpful to think about

4. We know ourselves better than anyone else does - where do we think these patterns come from? 

The first work toward releasing any kind of pattern is forgiveness and compassion; toward the people and situations in our past and most importantly toward ourselves.

For my job loss situation in Part I - I was mighty pissed at the injustice of the situation. I was mad I didn't get the closure I wanted and I wanted justice. When I ran into another fired ex-banker who was so angry and depressed and talking about her situation that had occurred the year before as if it had occurred yesterday, I knew life was showing me my future. I knew I wasn't going to get justice from a lawsuit. I knew the only person who could give me justice was me.

So, I looked for patterns. I listened to my language about "justice" and "closure" - I thought about other times people and situations were unjust to me, other times I faced abrupt endings without closure. I made a list. I took the time to think about each situation and person. I forgave the people connected to the current situation and all the past situations. I forgave myself.

My mantra became the powerful mantra  Ho'oponopono Hawaiian practice of forgiveness and reconciliation:

"I am sorry. Please forgive me. I love you. Thank you. "

We say "I'm sorry" because we acknowledge our part in what is happening - trust me we do not draw big experiences without being a vibrational match for them and we become a vibrational match by agreeing to the experience (often at an unconscious level). We say "Please forgive me" because forgiveness works to release us from the energy of a memory. We say "I love you" because love is all there is and we say "Thank you" because we are truly grateful for the growth the experience gives us.

If you want to work with a Goddess on compassion - an excellent Goddess is Kuan Yin. You can say "Kuan Yin, please help me to show compassion and forgiveness with this situation!"

Note - when seeking Goddesses it helps to expect them.

It helps to soften our gaze so we might detect a slight movement in the shadows, a minute heaviness in the air around us, a breeze across our shoulders in a closed space or odd alertness in our body as though someone was standing right next to us. Trust that she is there. Just one world away from us really - nodding, prodding, laughing and encouraging.

Next up Part III why our money mindset matters - more actions to increase our self worth so our business draws the stuff we want to line up with (and I will connect this back to why it's easier to build a business if we need the money but not if we really need the money in the final part V)

Forgiveness work is a life long process. We don't have to forgive something 100% for the energy to shift and change to happen or none of us would ever move forward. Life is like a spiral and as we move up the spiral we encounter the same sticky points again and again until we clear them. This is totally OK and the way this stuff works.

why our money mindset matters (we can't draw to ourselves more than we think we are worth) - part I

Prior to making stuff for a living, I worked in a bank.

I started as a bank teller with $100 in the bank and owed $100 on a Stern's (now Macy's) credit card and left 10 years later as a vice president with $10,000 in the bank and owed $10,000 on a Citibank credit card.

I was really good at helping other people make and save and grow their money, but for me - the money came in, the money went out.

Now I always had enough money (we did buy a house somewhere in there, took our daughter to Disney World a couple times, yada yada). Hubs and I never had to fight over money (which is one of the main things couples fight about and probably one of the reasons we are still together) although I had been known to remove a price tag or two (or twenty) in secret.

I thought I had good money karma/luck - the money always came in just before I needed it. But, I always needed it.

It didn't stick. 

(imagine duct tape covered with sweater lint here, but maybe not if you are eating your lunch)

Being sticky was not really on my radar. My money mindset was all about flow.

I saw money through two lenses - the lens of spirit; money as energy that needs to moving, no need to hold onto it, there is always enough for me and the lens of the bank where money comes in as deposits and moves out as loans and money is made on the difference in interest between deposits and loans and on the float.

(note - this isn't how banks make money now unfortunately, now things are a lot more risky)

I thought these lenses (is this the plural of lens - this looks so wrong) were working well for me until right around the time of my first Saturn Return - KABOOM. CRASH. JOB GONE.

Now this kaboom, crash thing that sounded like life as I knew it hitting the floor and felt like a tractor trailer to my ego wasn't really out of the blue at all. I knew I was burned out. I knew my astrology chart. I had been doing the Course in Miracles. I had been asking life to find the quickest path for me to get on about the business I was here for. I wanted to be happy. I knew I was doing exactly the kind of shit that changes things.

Once I lost my job I had no more money coming in, but I still had that pesky need to cover the money going out. 

I started manifesting on the outside what I had been creating on the inside for years by giving more than I was getting.

(note - when we request help or guidance from spirit it is not incorrect to imagine the Goddesses jumping about and shouting "Oh, YES, now we've got a project!")

Everything that happens is a reflection of what we believe about ourselves. We cannot draw to ourselves more than we think we are worth. We cannot outperform our level of self esteem.

I wasn't so much pissed that life kicked me in the ass as I was totally awed by the serendipity that created complete and total change. Actually, to be honest I was pissed, too.

(maybe I should rate this post R for Cat can't stop cursing today)

Technically I quit my job. In reality I signed a resignation letter human resources had prepared for me to sign in lieu of them firing me. I hired an employment lawyer and thought I would "sue the bastards" (I did rate this post R, remember). Then I unexpectedly ran into (more Goddess magic, no doubt) a woman who had been fired from the bank the year before. She was still angry and bitter and out of work. I didn't want that to be me. I un-hired the lawyer.

I also knew that this change was created by me. Even if it looked like "they did me wrong" to the outside world.

At the time I blamed burn out (and there was truth to that), but greater forces were at play here.

I was about to step into a new position within the bank that was highly visible. I had been promoted many times and always done well; leaning in to new positions, doing what had to be done, yada, yada - been there done that.

I had always worked with wealthy people. I had always worked for them in a service position though, even as a bank manager. This new position involved playing golf and having dinner with very wealthy clients, schmoozing them (can anyone really imagine me schmoozing) and becoming a peer to the bank's most senior management. When they looked at me they saw a peer because they were only seeing my outside. My inside was just a poor girl from the sticks in New Jersey. My inside didn't match my outside anymore. Something had to give.

For this promotion I would have had to outperform my own level of self esteem, which is something I now believe is just not possible.

Most people at this point get sick or self sabotage. It doesn't look like these things are conscious creations because we do this stuff unconsciously - we literally have to, we can't live with the split.

Monica Lewinsky didn't destroy Bill Clinton's reputation - his being required to outperform his self esteem did.

Self sabotage is a tricky beast because it doesn't always show up right away and it's not always easy to see the connection between what we think we want (that our self esteem is not lining up with) and the actions we are taking. A lot of people self sabotage themselves right now with the self defeating behavior of internet surfing (looking here, there and everywhere and never getting anything done). The lack of motivation and focus that are often at the center of depression have their roots in our self esteem, too (depression is the shadow side of creation, so listen up makers).

There are actionable things I have done for this (and continue to do, life is a process and I definitely don't have it all figured out) that work for me - they include forgiveness exercises, EFT, money releases, changing money habits, boundaries, the "who do we think we are stuff", astrology and more - so next post actionable stuff we can do to get our inner self to line up with the outer self we are reaching for.

(note - doing the exercises changes the outer self, too - sometimes the things we think we want are not really the stuff we are wanting)

next up Part II why our money mindset matters - taking action to increase our self worth so we draw the stuff we want to line up with (and Part III will tie this back into our businesses and why needing money is a good thing for makers)

A Full Moon in Virgo on Sunday - a good one for Butchers and Bakers and CandleStick Makers

Full Moon in Virgo on Sunday! This is the culmination of September's Virgo new moon.

With Virgo we have the archetype that holds the energy of "here is what I should be, here is what I could be and here is what I would look like if I got everything right" with the simultaneous thought "here is who I actually am" (warts and all, not that Virgos have warts, of course).

This tension of what is real and what is ideal is the fundamental tension of the Virgo archetype. 

Traditionally Virgo is the sign of the servant and healer. Virgo is also the skilled craftsperson - the archetype of being good at something, of taking the time to learn and do something well.

(when Martha says "it's a good thing" she is channeling her inner Virgo, which is probably her sun sign or sits in Venus, have to look her up)

So in Virgo we gain dignity and self respect from being good at something that is useful to other people.

If you were born with your sun in Virgo this is the basic way you process life, moon in Virgo; the basic way you experience your feelings about life and if your ascendant is in Virgo; the basic way you appear to others - the mask you wear.

(people who think Virgos are fussy or nitpicky are totally missing the point and also forgetting we all have Virgo in our charts - the Virgo message of things worth doing being worth doing well and the value of these things lying within their value to others is probably the exact paradigm that will get everyone who is out of work back to work now - it is no coincidence Virgo rules the 6th house of work and health)

The Virgo full moon reminds us that we will find right work. This right work may not be something we will be paid to do. It's not about the money. 

This is about being good at something that is valuable to other people.

It's not about having other people recognize our value - Virgo is the leg of our hero's journey that comes after Leo where we took center stage and got our applause. Virgo is the space where we release, at least a little bit, our need to be recognized. 

*I read in the Harvard Review this week that what women want from work is social respect and what men want is complex challenges. It made me furious  to realize this sexist blubber fit hubs and I exactly. I wanted to throw up and to run screaming into the night - I am just waiting for Sunday's full moon.*

At the time of the Virgo Full Moon we have this "how it is" vs "how it could be" itchiness manifest for all of us.

This is a very grounded full moon (even with our watery Pisces sun) and we are able to manifest the work and health stuff we have been working on more fully.

The full moon isn't a culmination moon exactly, although it does often bring the curtain down on some act in our story or open the door fully so we can see our next step. Think back to our Virgo New Moon intentions from September. It's a great time to take a big step toward something - the full moon reflects plenty of Pisces sun to light up our paths and will be supportive to physical action.

Lots of craziness and stress ahead in April- so enjoy this weekend. Time to howl peeps! xo all

why it's easier to build a business when you need the money, but not when you REALLY need the money

When I was in banking the banks in my county would bid annually on the county's surrogate account money. This was money the surrogate court was holding for people who had inheritances, lawsuits, winnings, etc when the money had to be held in trust for them for some reason.

One year we won the bidding war and our bank got to invest this money, which was tens of millions of dollars, and my branch got to open and service these accounts.

We quickly noticed no matter how much investment advice and money counseling we offered the people who were receiving regular payouts from inheritances and lawsuits, they (I don't mean anyone with mental or physical disabilities here) often did not make a move to move on with their lives until their money was completely gone.

Faced with monthly statements showing their declining balances, people still had to be dead broke with the sheriff holding an eviction notice at the front door before they could wake up to the fact these payments were over. It was time to get a job.

This isn't about laziness. Sometimes we need our backs against the wall so we have something to push off against.

It works the same when we are building a business. It is hard to build a business we will care about if we do not need money because every business requires us to do stuff we don't want to do.

But it is even harder to build a business if we REALLY need the money because our decisions will be skewed by the money - it's too easy to lose track of the fact our business has to be about the value we bring to other people before that value comes back to us in the form of dollar signs in our bank account.

So, I'm going to start a new series about money and our businesses next week.

And I will be back tomorrow with my take on the Virgo Full Moon we get to experience this weekend. xo all

5 ways to create more good for ourselves - tying this stuff into our business

I think people and situations come to us to play out in front of us the energy we are carrying. We can literally look at everything in our lives as manifesting the energies we carry. 

We carry this energy through our beliefs.

Changing our beliefs is at the root of changing how things are working in our life.

This is how good stuff takes us to more good stuff and bad stuff can lead us quickly to everything falling apart.

(especially if we have spent many years and probably many lifetimes creating keyholes for the belief that creates the emotion that feels "I am not safe" - this is the real meaning of karma - the reaping what we sow and repeating what we sow labeling of a feeling) 

This is why affirmations work for some people but not others. Speaking positive words and writing positive words and hearing positive words changes the space we occupy. But we can move out of that space very quickly

(think about how we can be in a great mood and then someone cuts us off in traffic and we get mad, instantly - unconsciously flashing to all the other times in our life where someone has gotten ahead of us or been faster than us or something has just come out of nowhere and put us in our place)

if that space does not line up with our beliefs.

I know makers who have literally put themselves out of business by following the advice to double their prices. Not because this is bad advice (although sometimes it is) and not because there aren't customers for their new price range but because they themselves didn't line up with their new prices!

(and I am not saying that people who make and sell more expensive items have different beliefs than people who sell inexpensive items, but if the earring fits ... )

So, to create more good for ourselves we are 1. telling our stories in the best way possible, 2. focusing on how we want to feel, 3. meditating and 4. celebrating - how does this stuff look within our business?

#1. We stop comparing our work to anyone else's work - we stop comparing our business to anyone else's business. There is not a competition going on here (and we would be comparing our inside to someone else's outside anyway).

We are all here for different things (and none of us are here to make jewelry or sweaters, trust me) - we have all been through different things - we all have different ways of looking at the world.

And the world we are seeing is manifested just for us based on the energy we are carrying.

I see the world through the lens of mythology. There was no way I would have ever given my mother the satisfaction of saying I Love Jesus, but I would have felt perfectly comfortable making her perfectly uncomfortable by talking about Athena and Lilith.

Myth is social instruction. It's story that gets handed down through the generations to teach us how to be good members of the collective. So, it's about teaching people how to behave or not behave which is why although I embrace it, I am also a little suspicious of it, too ...

(I have found the archetypes based on the myths to be as real as rain though)

We don't complain about customers, ever. It is really weird to me when people go on Facebook and complain about their customers. People who do this all the time are not doing themselves any favors. They will just be attracting, through their attention to these stories, more and more of these problem customers right into their businesses.

For the rest of us, they are doing us a favor because we get to feel how much we appreciate our own customers.

All business owners see the truth of this - we have all had that problem customer situation where everything goes wrong - first something happens and we ship late, then we realize something is wrong with what we have shipped, so we email the customer to explain and we call them Shirley instead of Susan. Ouch.

Everything goes from bad to worse. 

No doubt the customer is late ordering for the birthday of someone they don't even want to shop for - this energy lines up with our distracted energy, even if we have had 100 perfect transactions that day that didn't, and we have a catastrophe in the making. Of course, if we eventually handle this situation well, that extreme energy will flip to the other extreme and the customer will become a loyal buyer for life.

The key is to be languaging any problem as a problem situation never as a problem customer.

We are not dealing with a problem customer, since there is no such thing, just a problem situation or even better a challenging situation. This way of thinking makes all the difference to the final outcome.

We tell the best stories about our business. If we can't tell good stories- we just shut up.

#2  We focus on the feel good emotions. We make a list of how we want our business to make us feel - why are we doing this thing we are doing?

Our list might include : proud, organized, responsible, independent, creative, collaborative, abundant, etc.

We read this list everyday focusing on feeling the emotion - we can just make stuff up that we need to in order to feel these emotions - studies show our brains can't tell the difference.

#3. We meditate. If we go to the post office and find - surprise, surprise - there is no line and we are in and out - close your eyes in the car and sit for 10 minutes. Waiting for our modgepodge to dry? Good time to meditate. Downloading a report, printing labels, about to make an important phone call - tell your brain "I'm not going to need you for a few minutes, my friend" and shut it down.

#4. Celebrate the good stuff - don't wait for the good stuff to happen. This is about being, not doing. Celebrate the good stuff that is coming and the good stuff we already have. Last night I celebrated my bills.

(yes, those things I used to toss on the backseat of my car and forget to pay)

I celebrated life's belief in my future earning ability. I celebrated my ability to stay open to new avenues and new ideas for abundance. I celebrated the business I have built here based on my collaboration with the companies I am now paying.

I wrote the checks with my favorite pen, used the magical new Harry Potter stamps

(yes, I request my post office order me the special stamps collectors get and then I use them)

thanked the electric company for my lights and the cable company for my beloved internet and celebrated with a vanilla soy candle and 2 episodes of Downton Abbey.

I have some astrological happening to post about - hopefully I will get that post up before the weekend. xo all

5 ways to create more good for ourselves - #4 celebrate the small stuff

Creating and celebrating the good stuff presents more and more opportunities to practice gratitude.

If we could practice gratitude at all times - we would be a superwoman who made our desires manifest almost instantly. If you do not believe this, practice feeling gratitude as often as possible for a while and see for yourself what happens.

It's not possible to feel grateful without feeling good.

We can feel grateful for feeling good (ie things are going our way, our bodies are healthy, etc) or we can work from the even more powerful space of feeling good by way of feeling grateful.

So, let's say we have made the decision to eat healthier and then - we eat a doughnut.

(why is spell check not allowing me to spell this glazed devil "donut" - I guess donut is just a dunkin' thing - how have I forgotten this?)

But let's say before we decided to eat healthier we would have chowed down on 3 doughnuts.

Well, we know from science that beating our self up is not a good thing. If we personalize our feelings and beliefs we are investing them with too much emotional power and our brain will be flooding our body with neuropeptides on the search for cells with keyholes labeled "I screwed up".

(this is what karma really is - the belief we put on that emotion so we can be sure we reap what we sow and so we can be sure we repeat what we sow - our beliefs create both)

Once we start feeling grateful for the little things we once called "not enough" ie - "I'm so grateful for the willpower to stop at one doughnut, YAY FOR ME" - we will know we are doing enough because we are choosing to feel grateful.

Quantum science (and spirituality) tells us that giving  and receiving are really the exact same experience - they are just being viewed from two different perspectives. It's the same with all kinds of contrast.

We can even find gratitude in things we previously would have labeled "yuck" because it is the "yuck" we don't want that teaches us what we do want - this is a planet where we evolve from contrast after all. We get to make our own rules with this.

Now the step after feeling grateful is to feel great (full of great actually) - so we celebrate it. 

It's best if we have someone (or a whole lot of someones) in our life we can opening brag about ourselves to - without having to apologize or toss in statements of humility. Humility can be a good thing, but for this exercise we are giving humility the boot (grab your Uggs and give him one of those drop kick corner moves we learned in soccer). If we do not have this someone, we can totally brag to ourselves, or our pets, I brag to Olive. 

When I started this blog I planned to document the growth of my business along with the growth of my puppy. But I started thinking that no one would want to read about all the good stuff that happened - that I would be bragging. I thought it would be funnier to write/whine about the "bad" stuff and it was and so I did .. until I found myself looking for stuff to whine about and then more and more whine-worthy stuff started happening to me (I tried to think of this as wine-worthy stuff - since I need the corks and all, but it got harder and harder) - I realized this was not a good thing for me to be creating.

I have found a good way to celebrate is to make myself a list of rewards (3 hours at the library, 2 episodes of Downton, a movie in the middle of the day, the beach for 3 hours, a long soak, etc)

and celebrate the thing I am grateful for.

We are totally allowed to trick our self with this stuff - this isn't about earning rewards.

(school's out folks)

This is about choosing to celebrate what we are grateful for.

When my daughter was little we had all kinds of celebrations that we no longer have. Just last month both hubs and my birthdays passed almost unnoticed (by us - this isn't about other people - we were sick at the time, but we told ourselves we would party later and now we are 30 days later and still haven't celebrated). We need to take celebrating seriously if we want to see some serious results from it. I am ordering the party hats.

There are more ideas for celebrating HERE.

Up next part 5 - how to tie all this stuff into our business (yes, I sometimes remember this is a business blog) xo all

more reasons you should be meditating - plus sex advice, parenting advice and something sticky hits the wall

 

I was going to move this series on to 'celebrate good times'

(and if I just put that awesome Kool and the Gang song in your head .. you're welcome .. and if I didn't, here it is)

but I think I need another post about meditation. Because some people read the words "you should be meditating" and what they hear is "this is one more thing you need to do, why aren't you doing this - you loser you".

(and now that I write "this is one more thing you need to do" I am thinking about sex. If you are married as long as I am Dear Reader you might remember a time - maybe when your kids were little, maybe when you were working a lot, maybe last week -  when sex was the last thing on your mind, but maybe it wasn't the last thing on Mr. Reader's mind - and of course, this scenario works equally well in reverse, if you, Dear Reader are the Mr. Reader.

It sort of felt like one more thing someone wanted you to do when you just wanted/needed to go to sleep. And Mr. Reader would get annoyed or resentful because often men get mad instead of sad. 

Well, if you are lucky enough to still be together many years later this whole thing might have reversed itself on you - which is actually kind of cool in a way because Mr. Reader gets to experience how it feels to have one more thing someone wants him to do when he is exhausted and learn that he actually wasn't being rejected at all and you get to see that his annoyance was actually hurt feelings and understand that yes, in fact, you were rejecting him because that is exactly how you feel now. 

Not that this ever happens to hubs and me, of course, but if it happens to you and especially if you are in Act 1 of this little play, it is something to think about; a new way of thinking about what the other person is actually experiencing - just don't think about it while you are meditating.)

Back to this meditation message - it can be annoying. I get it. Because when I am meditating I can't believe I ever let my practice slip ... and then I let my practice slip.

I don't think that will happen this time though - I think my practice is really sticky this time. It's meditate or medicate this time.

(remember those things we threw on the wall as kids and they slithered down the wall, sticky like that - and if you are thinking I mean slinkys, I do not mean slinkys, I mean the sticky, gummy things not the metal spiral things but if you were throwing your slinkys against the wall - you really need to be meditating, so listen up)

One of the ways you will know you need to meditate is when you start doing some really inefficient unconscious meditating.

This is otherwise known as "spacing out".

You drive to work and do not remember those last 11 miles or you find your car keys in the freezer next to your wallet or you intend to drive to the post office and end up 5 miles past the post office before you realize what you are doing.

If you are absent minded, spacey or confused - get yourself to a meditation cushion now.

You are full. You need to release all the stuff you are carrying; the stuff that has glommed onto you from other people and plenty of your own stuff, too. Meditation will release this stuff for you. I promise.

(someone recently said to me "I keep releasing, releasing, releasing, when do I get to keep anything?" Ha! She cracked me up - then I said "Oh really, what exactly have you released?" And she proceeded to tell me about the closets she'd emptied and the attic she cleaned out. And I said, "Great!" then I said, because I know she is very vocal about her grown son making choices she does not agree with, "releasing is also about letting go of trying to control people and letting go is about accepting other people's choices" - she got quiet, then told me she had some more closets to empty ... which is OK, of course, everything in its own time - this is a process and creating physical space is always a good thing.)

HERE are 20 more reasons to meditate.

Nemetona is the Celtic Goddess who protected ancient ceremonial sites. We can connect with her energy to build an altar in our home; a little place of retreat and refuge for yourself ....

5 ways to create more good for ourselves - #3 necessary stillness

I have meditated on and off since high school. I think the times I was meditating I was more awake. 

(it may seem like it is harder to live our lives awake until we think through the alternative : we are asleep and life wakes us up - not like a mother who whispers "rise and shine sweetie" - this mother throws open the blinds and yanks the blanket, tumbling us out of bed and on to the cold hardwood floor, she doesn't even offer up a boo-boo kiss, she just strides out of the room - life is one tough love mama ... ouch)

My usual pattern is I get busy with work and outer stuff (trying to control the stuff I can't control, but I seem firmly committed to not understanding this) and stop meditating. I lose my connection to the big picture. I lose my connection with myself (which is the same thing). Then something happens to wake me up - something challenging happens. Almost always something that slows me down; sometimes something that stops me in my tracks.

Then like the prodigal son I come back.

Meditation is a practice. It's not something that works for other people, but not for us. It's like exercise - it can't work for us if we don't practice, but if we do practice it can't not work for us.

Stillness connects us to our higher self/the Universe/God/the Goddess (pick your comfort zone) - not that we are ever not connected, but sometimes the connection gets foggy.

I also find that stillness allows me to let go of refined flours and sugars. This sounds like a physical thing (and it is partly), but it’s really about vibration. Nothing fogs things up so fast as white flour and white sugar. The first thing that happens to me when I fall off the wagon and stop meditating is I start eating this crap again. I am sure this is a fear reaction to life requiring more of me. It is easier to just play small.

Over the holidays, I was listening to Decisive - the Chip and Dan Heath book about better decision making. It was very good, but made me wonder if they would have come to a different conclusion about the true value of intuition if they had been working with people who meditate regularly.

This is not hard stuff. It is not easy stuff either.

Dr. Wilder Penfield (is this the best name ever?!) is a famous Canadian neurosurgeon. His research discovered the brain's sensory and motor cortex and more. During his studies he found the area in our brains where decisions are carried out. He got very excited. He thought he would next discover the part of our brain where decisions are made. He never found it. Instead, he found there is no part of our brain where decisions are made.

So, how is this possible? We know we make decisions every day, every minute of every day in fact. Apparently our brain and our body are amazing tools for executing decisions, but not making them.

There must be a nonphysical "us" that does the decision making (this is a really powerful thing to know if we beat ourselves up over taking the 'wrong' action and if we are continually searching for that magical set of actions that will make everything work) - this is the part of us we get to meet when we meditate.

Get yourself a timer/stopwatch app for your phone or Kindle, an egg timer or just set your oven timer (start with 5 minutes in the morning and work up to 20 minutes once a day or 15 minutes twice a day - by the time you are up to 15 minutes, you will want to do this twice a day, trust me).

Dedicate a space to this. It's a practice and you need room to practice. Get yourself a yoga mat or sit in a special chair. Make the practice a ritual. Light a candle, darken the room. I have a space in my bedroom and I open the bedroom window while I make the bed to bring in some fresh air. Then I close the window, light the candle and just do it. When you get centered every animal in your house will be climbing all over you - ignore them. If you have young children, you will have to get up before them or they will be drawn to your stillness like a magnet (or a magnetic locket - warning shameless plug ahead - have you seen this). 

I think you can do the Chopra 21 Day Challenge anytime or go to Hayhouse and find a guided meditation you like or go to YouTube and click around until you find something you like. If you are already meditating there is a great 7 Steps to Rebirth meditation by Doris Eliana Cohen.

Most days I just start with relaxing my toes and work my way up to my head - saying to myself "my toes are relaxed", "my ankles are relaxed", etc ending with "I am relaxed" then focus on my breathing until my timer goes off. When thoughts intrude I just let them float away. Some days I do guided meditations.

The more we practice the better we get at listening to our gut and instincts. We will fool ourselves into doing things that make us feel badly much less often because we will be more in tune with our beliefs, our true nature and how we really feel.

We won't be saying stuff like "I don't know what I want to do when I grow up" or "I could have what I want if I could only figure out what I want", anymore. This kind of foggy energy will not be available to us - we will start getting clear (the clarity may not immediately or ever really answer these questions, this is a practice and a process after all, but the thing we should be doing right now will become clear and that's all we need anyway).

So, we are telling our stories in the best way possible, we are focused on how we want to feel, we are meditating ....

next up Part IV - the value of celebrating

New Moon in Pisces, Mercury moves direct, Mars goes retrograde ....

Pisces Magnetic Locket by Polarity

We have a new moon in Pisces on March 1st and this is the last moon in our astrological year!

(Jupiter squares Uranus today so we may each get a little treasure we did not expect - probably within 48 hours before or after - this one has a liberating feel to it - it is up to us to notice and accept that sliver of blue sky being offered up - if we refuse to be liberated, bailed out, unhooked or released then that is up to us - this could be something tiny like an unexpected trip out to dinner and we do not have to cook, thus liberating us from our crockpot or something bigger like our grown son gets off our couch and gets a job, thus liberating our mind from worry and his bills from our wallet)

Mercury starts moving direct in a couple days, but Mars goes retrograde the next day - we have had Venus retrograde followed by Mercury retrograde now followed by Mars retrograde - helping to create the longest winter (not the season but the feeling of winter) in years.

Mars has been in Libra since December (not a place fiery Mars likes to hang out - it's all raw energy vs creative energy with Mars battling Venus) and once he starts his retrograde, things will gets a little more intense. If you know what house Mars is in your natal chart this will be the area where the fiery God of action may be making himself known; the place you will have an itch that needs scratching, the place you can't sit still, but every move you make will feel a little like you shouldn't have made it.

If you have any planets 27 degrees in cardinal signs (Aries, Cancer, Libra, Capricorn) you will feel this 'lashing out' - the most. Mars retrograde in Libra for artists is like your best friend steals your design and people turn against you for calling her out on it! You gnash your teeth, un-friend the whole lot of them and probably regret it later. On the bright side if anyone decides to sue you now this will likely turn out badly for them.

Now, back to this Pisces new moon. This is an early, early morning new moon, so if you do new moon affirmations and I am hoping your do - try for Saturday morning. This is one new moon that isn't for everyone. Pisces asks us to feels things deeply. There isn't a lot of grounding here. The Pisces new moon is the last moon of the year.

The year only ends on the paper calendar in December, folks. The Universal year ends with Pisces (this is why we always feel a little off about the January new year start - our bodies know we are still in the fallow season of winter!) and Pisces asks us to sacrifice (which is always a sacred act).

Lent starts March 5th and isn't just good practice for Catholics.

This moon is 10 degrees Pisces, affecting those born with planets at about 7- 15 degrees of the mutable signs (Gemini, Virgo, Sagittarius, and Pisces) most strongly (high emotions).

Check your natal chart HERE.

You can use the house 10 degrees Pisces resides in your natal chart to see where this new moon's sacrifice could be most effective for you. HERE is a good basic list of what each house of the zodiac is about. For example I was born with 10 degrees Pisces in my 4th house which is all about our family, home, roots, security so my most effective sacrifice (sacred act) to end the year would be a sacrifice related to this ...

This is an excellent time for energetic support to make changes with things ruled by Pisces including our imagination, compassion, releasing victim-hood, spiritual healing, sensitivity, trust, addictions, lymphatic system, colds, feet, toxicity.

Some affirmations I will be using this weekend include:

I easily relax my mind and body deeply at night for a minimum of seven hours of restful sleep.
All debilitating sensitivity is easily lifted from me.
I trust that everything that occurs in my life is working for my higher good.
I easily attract, recognize and begin attending the right yoga class for me.
I easily release the habit of procrastination.
plus 5 more - Jan Spiller advises the power of 10 with this, so what the hell, let's go with 10.

AFFIRMATION TIPS: get into a happy frame of mind - always make affirmations from a  positive place - write your affirmations down by hand in script, speak them out loud - I write my affirmations on strips of paper and burn them, releasing the ashes into moving water - then release your attention from these things knowing that your intention is known. Know these things are already yours. xo

5 ways to create more good for ourselves - #2 focus on our thoughts and especially on how we want to feel

Candace Pert was a neuroscientist (she passed away a few months ago) whose amazing career included two excellent books "Molecules of Emotion: Why You Feel the Way You Feel," with Deepak Chopra and "Everything You Need to Know to Feel Good".

In the early 90's while serving as the chief molecular biologist at the National Institutes of Health she made an amazing discovery that thoughts are real, physical things.

She found that every thought we have (and emotion it produces) has a unique neuropeptide associated with it. Our body produces that unique neuropeptide every time we think that particular thought and experience that particular emotion. These neuropeptides are amino acids produced by the hypothalamus (the control center) in our brain.

Every time we think a thought our hypothalamus translates the thought into billions of neuropeptides that are uniquely associated with the feeling we experience by that thought. Our bloodstream is just flooded with this stuff. 

These billions of neuropeptides join with our cells by inserting themselves into a special receptical in each cell's membrane - just like a key fitting into a lock.

Each neuropeptide receptacle on a cell's membrane is designed to fit just that one particular peptide and no other. So once that neuropeptide finds the right receptacle it gets absorbed into the cell (the cell that literally creates our physical body).

Dr. Pert discovered that over time our cells develop more and more unique receptacles based on the neuropeptides they are most frequently capturing. Our cells even begin to crave these familiar neuropeptides (the ones they have built those unique recepticals to receive). Our cells start telling our hypothalamus to produce these particular peptides because we have developed an actual physical need for them.

So, our cells are not craving stuff that feels good (meaning good thoughts and good emotions) - our cells are craving thoughts and emotions that are familiar.

This gives the need for us to "focus on the feelings we want to have" a whole other impetus. It also helps to explain how focusing on how we want to feel rather than focusing on what we want to get actually works.

(also the law of attraction which is much, much bigger than The Secret and operates more like a tuning fork with like attracting like)

Focusing on a goal always brings up resistant thoughts - Why aren't I there yet? Why don't I have that yet? Why does she have that and I don't? What if I don't get it? What if this never happens for me? This is the "what we resist persists" problem with attracting what we want.

Focusing on a goal also requires us to actually have a goal in the first place which means we have to know what we want which is the place we might get stuck because we often don't know what we want in the first place.

Luckily, we don't have to know what we want. We only have to know how we want to feel and all of us, every single one of us already knows that. We just have to get our hypothalamus to start creating the right neuropeptides and our cells to start producing the right keyholes!

Now our cells may have had decades creating all these keyholes for chaos and shame and fear and guilt and grief, but we can start building new keyholes today - right this minute. We can start focusing on how we want to feel (regardless of what is happening in our lives) today.

How might this work? Well, let's say we have a goal of making more money, but we can't really see how we can do this or what this would actually look like. So, we don't worry about that part (worry thoughts will just produce worry keyholes in our cells and we will literally become made of worry).

If we want to attract more money we think about the feelings that extra money would bring us which could be : safety or freedom or joy or peace or being loved or cherished or attention (which I've heard is the number one thing women want from men) or appreciation (which I've heard is the number one thing men want from women) or some other thing or all of these things.

We make a list of the emotions we want to feel.

(always write lists out by hand and use script since there is more energy in our physical makings and more fluid movement with script writing - I have heard some schools are no longer teaching script - maybe they have forgotten we all need to be able to sign our names and our unique signatures come from writing script letters a hundred, gazillion times)

We spend time each day with this list feeling each emotion. 

We think about things we have experienced before or we just make stuff up - our body doesn't know the difference. We just feel what it feels like to be secure - to have enough money that we can take care of everything we need to take care of easily. We feel what it feels like to be happy and joyful. We dance around our studios and bedrooms and kitchens. We breathe deeply from our bellies with this stuff.

We also notice when we feel these emotions throughout the day (and we will start feeling them more and more) and we savor them.We don't wait for something to happen to feel a good emotion, we just feel them for no outside reason at all.

(think about that Meg Ryan diner scene in When Harry Met Sally, you know the one I mean, we need to really savor these emotions that we want to feel - other people will just want some of what we are having)

When we notice a negative thought coming in - we catch it before it produces the negative emotion. We let that thought go - we replace it with another thought - one that produces the emotion we want to build keyholes for-

the kind of emotion we want to feed our body; the kind of emotion we want our bodies, and lives, to be created from; the kind of emotion we want to attract more of.

(yes, I'm dangling participles all over the place - ignore this)

Now, again this isn't about pouring pink paint over our problems and pretending they don't exist (as Marianne Williamson says) - sometimes we are going to get mad or feel overwhelmed or sad or scared - once the thought has brought on the emotion, we let our bodies feel it, then we let it go - breath it out with a pulse breath.

We move on to a better thought and an emotion we want to have. We let our bodies chow down on that.

I turned my entire life around very quickly many years ago with just this step and meditation. I have gotten out of practice but am back on the wagon .. will report on what develops.

next up part #3 necessary stillness

back step (but not in a fancy "let's tango" kind of way)

OK I had a couple people email me about my post yesterday - they didn't like what I was saying and thought it was the opposite of the stuff I usually say.

Most likely I didn't say it very well. Let me try again - let me say it like this.

I am not saying we shouldn't do the thing that will make us happy. I am only saying we do not know for sure what that thing is.

What I am saying is we should do the thing we want to do.

I am saying the thing we want to do is the thing we should do. There is no thing we want to do and thing we should do that are different. I am saying these things are always the same thing.

The thing we should do is always the thing we want to do - this is how we live authentically.

There is no guarantee this thing will make us happy though ...

also my post on Create and Thrive on How to Get Unstuck is up today and HERE

Happy weekend all - please don't think SNOW ... think GREEN (as in grass and money and sustainable living) ....

(The example someone emailed me yesterday was that she would rather read a book on her Kindle than do her dishes so am I saying she should not do the dishes? My thinking with this is - if we want to read a book on our Kindle we should read a book on our Kindle - at some point the dirty dishes will begin to make us feel yucky and we will want to do them. So, that's when we do them.

If we don't want to get up and go to work in the morning, but we know that not going will make us feel worse than going - then going to work is the thing we should do and it's also the thing we want to do. We are just used to thinking of it as the thing we have to do, but it's really not any less the thing we want to do ... and thinking of it as the thing we want to do instead of the thing we have to do is what changes everything.)

the waning moon, mercury retrograde plus the sun moves into pisces

The sun moves into Pisces on Thursday and the moon is waning now (moving from last weekend's full moon toward the new moon in March), Mercury is still retrograde and next week Jupiter squares Uranus as the Pluto square Uranus we have been dealing with for the last couple years marches on.

So what does this mean and why should we care?

Well, first let's look at the sun in Pisces. What most people know about astrology is their sun sign and of course, astrology is much more than this, but we do revolve around the sun after all - it matters.

Although the space the sun occupied when we drew our first breath isn't who we are. We can't be our sun even if it does make a nice solid box in a world filled with boxes that are leaking, bottomless or falling apart. Our sun sign doesn't so much show us who we are as it shows us our process; the way we create experiences and the way we measure those experiences later.

Pisces are particularly proud of their sun signs. I know a lot of Pisces. I have never known a Pisces who would rather be anything else. Maybe it's because they are the last sign, I don't know. But Pisces really seem to like being Pisces (of course that's really not who they are at all, but we won't tell them that). This time of year when the sun moves into Pisces we all get more sensitive (we are also more likely to have childhood memories pop up to deal with and past life memories, too if you resonate with that).

When I started learning astrology I pretty much ignored sun signs. Now I don't. The sun acts kind of like an engine moving us forward and it makes perfect sense that it rules Leo which in turn rules the heart.

The sun teaches us that doing what is in our heart and doing what is required of us is actually the same thing. 

We get this stuff confused because we think doing what's in our heart will make us happy. That's not always true. The sun's light may be very bright and feel really good sometimes, but the sun's light burns, too.

Following our heart doesn't guarantee a happy life; it does guarantee an authentic one though. At the end of our days in rocking chairs or hospital beds we will be content with what we have done.

But now, hopefully many years before those rocking chairs and hospital beds, we think that living a happy life is what we want, although often we don't know what will make us happy and get ourselves stuck and sometimes we think we do know and then we get the thing we are so sure will make us happy and realize it doesn't make us happy after all, this happiness thing can really muck us up.

(we can't really muck it up though, don't worry, life will find a way to get us to the challenges we came here to meet)

And this is where that value post I never finished should come in, and it will, I just need to wrap my brain around it a bit. Also I need to get back to our nodes and our goddesses. I have been side tracked by the moon for the last year!

While the moon is waning we will be most comfortable (and get the most universal support energetically) releasing. If money is tight this is an easier time to cut expenses than it is to create more money, for example. It's an easier time to let go of a relationship that isn't working than to start a new one. Also we've got that mercury retrograde going on for another week or so.

Some other stuff that is happening - Jupiter is in Cancer until July- he is currently retrograde though so more about expanding inner things than outer stuff (if you have Cancer or Capricorn 10-12 degrees in your natal chart you will be feeling this most strongly now). Saturn is in Scorpio for the rest of this year (this one has been challenging me and anyone else with a Scorpio ascendant or any planets 21-23 degrees Scorpio or Taurus are being clobbered with hard lessons - hold on). Uranus is in Aries for the next 4 years, right now moving through 9-10 degrees so if this is challenging your natal chart you might as well just give in to it and run away for a while, like a long while or maybe forever - I firmly believe in befriending transits like this! How about Hawaii?! We've got Neptune in Pisces, right now she is 12-13 degrees Capricorn so if you have your sun, ascendant or planets 12-13 degrees Capricorn or his Cancer polarity you will probably be doing some major releasing right now or depending where this hits your chart you could be dealing with focus and motivation stuff  - this low-grade depression might hit everyone before Neptune moves on in 10 years or so, of course on the flip side of this (this is the Magician card in Tarot after all) is amazing creativity, manifestations and dare I say, magic ....

You can check your natal chart HERE

5 ways to create more good for ourselves - #1 tell the best possible story ....

Since hubs and my dinner last Christmas when I realized our entire conversation was comprised of problems, bad news and complaints - I have been determined to change the way I am framing the things that are going on and the way I am verbalizing this stuff in conversation with other people and Olive, of course, and especially in my own head.

I deleted the old Whining Wednesday link from my blog header (sniffle) and have been paying greater attention to my language.  

This has resulted in me saying a lot less - probably not a bad thing. Although no one has noticed. I haven't had anyone ask, "hey Cat, cat got your tongue?" ... yet.

I know that my words and thoughts influence my actions and outcomes, but I still find it challenging sometimes to practice what I know.

(There are quantum experiments with accuracy within 1/100 of a decimal point illustrating that there is no such thing as a detached observer. We all grew up with the scientific method where we watched and recorded, but quantum physics tells us that this isn't possible. The observer is actually a direct participant in all that is being observed and outcomes are effected and even created by the observer's expectations.)

The fact that our expectations and beliefs literally create the world around us is a huge shift in the way most of us have been taught to think the world works.

The first tool I have been using in working with my expectations is to tell the best possible story.

This doesn't mean pouring pink paint on problems and pretending they don't exist, but the truth is that while something is happening we can rarely know for certain that it even is a problem. It can be painful, yes, but we have all had events happen that we interpreted as "bad" at the time, but later, in retrospect, we can see things that were actually good about what happened, sometimes even very good and usually we can see things weren't nearly as bad as we thought they were at the time.

Telling the best possible story is easier when you remember the story of the farmer whose horse runs away (I 'm sure you've heard this one, but in case you haven't I'm going to give it a go) and his neighbors all come around and say "this is such bad luck that your horse ran away" and the farmer says "bad luck, good luck, who knows" and then his horse comes back and brings 2 other horses with her and the neighbors come back, too and this time they say "this is such good luck that your horse came back and now you have 3 horses" and the farmer, of course says "good luck, bad luck, who knows" then his son breaks his leg riding one of the horses and you know what the neighbors say next and then war breaks out and his son, the one with the broken leg, is the only young man in town to survive the war ... you get the picture with this.

It is sometimes hard to know what is good or bad while we are in the middle of something, so rather than rushing to label something as bad, rather than judging it - we find a way to tell a good story about things as much as possible. The frame we put around the things we choose to think and talk about is up to us. And the frame matters.

Science is now proving that by looking for ways to feel as good as possible about the people, places, things and circumstances in our life - we are literally creating more good for ourselves. This isn't about pushing down bad feelings, but re-languaging what is happening is very powerful stuff. I have already been seeing myself getting luckier as a result of small changes with this.

So, maybe the next time you go to lunch with someone or out for coffee - choose the direction the conversation flows deliberately - see if there is a way for you to tell the best possible story about the things you are talking about.

#2 focus on how we want to feel, not what we want to get (next post)

One thing I wanted to say about the advice I offer on this blog. I am an expert in exactly one thing - myself (and my expertise is called into question on that all the time ...). I know for certain that each of us is different and each of us is here for different things. One person really needs to step on to the stage and one person really needs to go to the back of the line and these people could be the same person at different points in her life. So, if something here doesn't resonate with you, just let it go. I think, for me, my basic human nature is not so optimistic so this is a learned thing for me; something I have to continually work at. It may be your basic nature to tell the stories with the least amount of judgement already, so just keep telling them ...

Full Moon in Leo on Valentine's Day!

We have a full moon on Valentine's Day this week!

This is the culmination of the Leo new moon from August and there will be a lot of creativity and playfulness (and I might say courage) in this one - we've got a stressful square tomorrow to get through first when we might feel a bit like our work is never done or we've skipped a step that has caught up with us or some authority figure cannot be pleased, we'll just work with it.

We've got Jupiter squaring Uranus in a couple weeks so changes can happen quickly and Mercury is retrograde so lots of mis-communications, people from our past popping back and groundhog days (the Bill Murray kind) - between now and whatever we are building toward in April/May - most of us are just going to have to expect the unexpected, folks - we've been at this for the last few years, it doesn't always get any easier though.

If we think of the moon cycle as our breath. The new moon and the full moon would be the spaces between our breaths. 

The new moon is that space when our lungs are empty and the full moon is that split second when our lungs are full and we cannot take in anymore but we haven't started to exhale yet. 

The moment of fullness; the moment we are literally made of everything we are holding onto.

The moon's cycle is all about our emotions. If we are a fixed sun sign (Leo, Scorpio, Aquarius, Taurus) or were born during a full moon we might find them more challenging. This one feels like a fun one though. Leo rules the heart, it's playful and larger than life - so thinking about our heart's desire - what we love, what we value - if we are putting enough of our heart in what we are doing, these are the kinds of spaces we can get solid movement with now. There are many ways to experience love, we don't have to be in a relationship for love to manifest deeply.

When we’ve made the choice to be fully alive for the rest of our life, we attract others who have made a similar choice. Everyone needs energy and motivation - our job is to choose our source of supply as if our life depends on it ... because it does.

maybe the biggest roadblock to getting what we want is the fact we don't really want it part IV

So, maybe we're getting better at wearing our heart on our sleeve without forgetting that's where we put it and sneezing into our elbows  

and we are unearthing the stuff we have buried long ago and the stuff we buried yesterday and we are panning the gold from our findings and clearing out the rubble and we are valuing ourselves by setting boundaries with the way we interact with the world -

We are feeling OK with where we are right now.

And we have a sense that it has nothing to do with where we are right now, but everything to do with who we are right now. Some days we love ourselves and watch ourselves show up - some days we watch ourselves show up and love ourselves. Some days we hide and don't show up at all and we still watch ourselves with amazement and still love ourselves. 

In order for the new stuff to stand strong, in order for it to last - anything that doesn't support it - all the self-sustaining parts of us that know change is risky, that know our new supports, like fresh cement, have not had time to properly set yet - work to dismantle it.

(sometimes with little love taps like that jewelry hammer your daughter gave you that just doesn't carry enough weight to really get the job done and sometimes with a sledge hammer - and this isn't anything personal - we can't take this stuff personally - part of our job on planet Earth is to stay alive and that is the job of our fingers and our toes and our DNA and yes, even those parts of us that are programmed with gold standards like "not good enough", "have to" and "should")

*****

Every summer we add a new vegetable to our garden. And every year some new kind of creature comes along to devour it.

It's not that these critters have just arrived. I am sure they have been here for years.

We just never notice them until they start chowing down on our new vegetables.

Last year it was voles. George kept saying voles and I kept hearing moles until one day I actually stopped what I was doing, cocked my head (for some reason hubs has a way of sounding like Charlie Brown's teacher until I tip my head, what is that?) and actually listened to what he was saying. Voles?

The stuff that is coming up in our life now - maybe even coming up faster than voles at a garden party - isn't new stuff. We are only noticing it now because it is so unlike the new stuff.

We didn't trash the new vegetable seeds to eliminate the voles last spring and we don't need to change who we are now just because it makes us (and maybe others) a little uncomfortable.

We don't have to know what will make us happy in order to be happy. We all know what happiness feels like. Maybe we don't have to know what we want in order to get what we want. What do you think? Knowing what we want is the part that gets many of us stuck. I know it gets me stuck. Maybe we only have to know how we want to feel.

We only have to know how we want to feel and be brave enough to let go of all the things that do not feel that way until we are only holding on to the things that do.

Maybe when we feel bad it's not because we aren't living up to life's expectations. Maybe it's not because we aren't being everything we could be. 

Maybe it's because we aren't being who we really are. 

Maybe the biggest roadblock to getting what we want is the fact we don't really want it ..... maybe getting clear on what we want isn't the part we have to worry about anyway - maybe we only need to get clear on what we value. 

next up part V - how knowing what we value gets us what we want

(and I know this post is a bit all over the place - I have had the flu or some kind of heavy duty cold and may not be firing on all four cylinders - on the other hand why let that stop me)

down for the count ...

we caught that thing that's going around - back soon .........

resetting boundaries if you are as thin-skinned as me - part III

Clutter is one of the very common complications of being thin-skinned (thin skinned = thin boundaries) ie someone who lets in too much.

I have been working in this space for years - trying to grow tougher skin (I think I've had some success with this since my elbows look like crocodile this winter), shore up my defenses, not take things so damn personally.

Thin skinned people often have more reactive immune systems. We tend to internalize things, are more easily hurt, more easily affected by outside stuff - we think we are a kinder and gentler form of human, but we are not always being kinder and gentler to ourselves.

There may be a bit of ego involved in internalizing stuff (everything isn't really about us) - there is also a lack of self-value going on with this.

Like our aptitude toward being more right brained or left brained, this probably isn't something we can change and I'm not really sure we should want to. There is a lot of good stuff that can come from being sensitive and open and emotional.

But sometimes it can get in the way. And sometimes it can come at the cost of us not valuing ourselves. Sometimes boundaries can be a thin-skinned girl's best friend.

So, during my year of changing one thing by changing something else I am working on the complications of being thin-skinned by creating stronger boundaries. I will ...

1. wear better skin cream and hats (we should all do this anyway plus I have noticed I can really keep out the negative energy when wearing a hat, makes sense)
2. take daily Vitamin D
3. ask the question of everything new I am about to bring into my space "does this add value?"
4. clear the clutter with the same question
5. hang a curtain between my studio and the rest of the house
6. use high energy aromas and music to create the sensory stimuli I choose
7. make quick decisions about unimportant stuff (note to self - most stuff is unimportant)
8. use boundary meditations - I like Marthe's
9. practice "no" as a complete sentence
10. when I take something too personally I know that it is triggering something else, I will see what I can take from it that adds value to me and let the rest go immediately - hasta la vista baby

If I must be around some trash talking fool - I will remember they are just unskilled; seeing someone as unskilled, knowing they are doing their best but do not having the proper tools - it helps (and it's totally true).

For thick skinned people; people who tend to use boundaries to keep things out - some clutter might actually be a good thing. I would try taking off your hat, taking down your curtains, practice saying yes. Studies show that both thin boundaried people and thick boundaried people feel things equally in their physical bodies (heart rate, pulse, inflammation) - so everyone could probably use a little reset with this stuff. xo all

our own divine right timing - why we really can't get this wrong

In my last post I may have been a bit caught up in my Aquarius energy. With the sun and moon in Aquarius yesterday and today I have had a very strong urge to scream "just do it"

(I don't really want to drag anyone away from that cozy fireplace into the snow ... really)

but since new moons are invisible (this is more about planning than launching) - it's really more about baby steps for most people.

Life requires us to put on our big girl pants and take that first step in the dark. We can't know where that step will lead us because where it will lead us will depend on all the other steps we take and our intention and yes, our destiny (which is an individual thing and what we are here to learn and experience and not some final outcome because our final outcomes are all 100% guaranteed). We can't know where that first step will lead us, but we have to take it anyway.

That first step is the step that matters the most (unless you are a person who doesn't finish things and then your 'matters most' will be different). In that first space we adjust our sails and point our sneakers in the right direction.

There's a bit of fate involved here folks, so there is only the right direction (this direction is about our values). We really can't take the wrong road - we can take the long road although sometimes the long road is the only way in ... for us.

The skies are always telling us is we are all in the right place at the right time. Picture every one of us on this spiral staircase - we are all perfectly positioned. Our perspective is each unique, but because we are part of a long line of energy (a line of people; a continuum), we are able to access other perspectives from those souls at other levels.

When we really get that we are in the right place - that there are greater forces at play here - that we are being taken care of, "that nothing real can be threatened" (as the Course in Miracles teaches) there is a kind of peace that comes to us.

When we really get that every decision we make will get us where we need to go; that looking ahead doesn't work because the very act of looking changes what we are seeing (this is a proven scientific fact now) - when we get that everything in life is just showing us ourselves this whole quest (the quest we are on without knowing what the quest is - yes, we are more in the dark than Bilbo at times) gets a whole lot simpler (not always easier).

February's energy (we have Venus moving direct today, but Mercury going retrograde next week) is about being in place. It is about trusting where we are right now and trusting the direction we are headed.

Have a great weekend everyone! Stay warm .... xo

part II - no one knew of the buried treasure so it was worthless PLUS new moon affirmations and the year of the horse gallops in

Maybe clutter is a state of consciousness.

I think a lot of people have started connecting the dots between the things we hold on to and the thoughts we can't let go of; the way things and thoughts pile up in our lives and how we use this stuff to protect ourselves, control others and stay stuck.

And just because we don't look at this stuff or even remember we have it, doesn't mean it isn't contributing to the life we have now.

Last year my brother was seeing a homeopathic (kinesiologist - is this a word?) chiropractor who linked his Wednesday migraines to the grief memories he was carrying in his body from both his parents dying on a Wednesday (15+ years apart).

My brother had no conscious connection to the grieving his body was doing on Wednesdays,

(I think this is what started his ancestry.com search that led to hubs and I discovering we were related and that hub's ancestor probably robbed me of my riches, dammit)

but when he knew, the headaches he'd had for 16 years stopped.

They didn't stop when the chiropractor told him the Wednesday headaches were connected to grief or when the doctor connected the grief to our parents' deaths. They stopped when my brother saw the dates and the calendars for himself. For him, proof = no more Wednesday migraines. 

I went to see his doctor a couple weeks ago and immediately he started connecting my digestion and neck issues to "motherhood/self nurturing vs. work in the world/security stuff".

(This is the north/south node polarity in my birth chart and stuff I am very familiar with. But, I just let him do his thing to see where he was going with this)

During our sessions he does a lot of muscle testing around issues and also adjusts my hiatal hernia (yes, this is as gross as it sounds unless inhaling while someone presses your stomach into your backbone sounds like a good time to anyone) and begins to adjust my neck and jaw. He advises some homeopathic pellets to dissolve in water along with an eyedropper full of rescue remedy and for me to take a swig of the water every hour.

(this feels like some kind of mindfulness exercise to me - of course the rescue remedy is 27% alcohol which is maybe not a bad thing, I am only getting an eyedropper full a day though)

Last week he asks me what happened to me when I was 9 years old (he has never asked me about anything from the past or anything about childhood or any specific age before). I draw a blank and he tells me to think about it, but not to over-think it (what, me, overthink something?!) - that what is coming up will come up without me getting out the shovel and digging for it.

I drive home. I swig my water. I head to hubs' garage to weld lockets. I count on my fingers to figure out what grade in school I would be in at 9 years old (does everyone connect their childhood memories to school grade or is it just me?), I figure 4th-5th grade.

I'm thinking the doc has miscalculated because my entire childhood fell apart when I was in 6th grade and we lost our house and became nomads until I was 18 and moved out.

In 4th grade I was all straight A's (they were actually O's for outstanding back in the day), field day trophies, teacher's pet, obsession with Rumi that did not make me popular, star of the school play - but wait a minute now that I am thinking about it I realize that must have been the year my grandmother, whom I loved dearly, had died (who had raised us, sometimes with my mother in the house and sometimes without my mother in the house) because she wasn't around the next year.

And wasn't 5th grade the year although I was still pulling straight O's, I was not only not the star of the school play but couldn't even make chorus because suddenly I couldn't carry a tune, my mother started taking some kind of little pills to deal with her mother's death that left an already shaky family situation even shakier, some bigger stuff I can't even write about, but I don't have to. You get the idea.

Life got complicated for that 9 year old girl ... she lost her first mother and then she lost her voice.

(I will connect this better in part III and tie this into our businesses, this is a maker business blog after all - although maybe only if you squint and knit sweaters while reading)

Everyone has their own story and I am only outlining one tiny piece of mine to show one way this stuff creates the "clutter" that makes it hard for us to open ourselves up to the good stuff that is happening now and unearth and cherish the good stuff that happened then. There is a lot of light in our world right now and if you look for them you will certainly be able to see the connections in your own life.

So, while this chiropractor works on freeing up my neck and I get my nutritional self in order ... again and get my body moving.

(personally I have found moving and sweating very helpful - it is challenging when you have health stuff, but we have to figure out how to do it, even if it means walking and saunas)

I will be working hard when I am working, but not working all the time.

And I will be taking voice lessons at my brother's music store with their voice teacher. I start next week. I'm not sure I will be singing karaoke anytime soon, but I will be able to sing Happy Birthday out loud to people instead of just mouthing the words and huddling near an on-keyer ... or at least that's my plan plus it will strengthen my diaphragm (I just hope the practice room is sound proof, this could get ugly). And keep blogging I think this helps, too.

That 9 year old girl is getting her voice back.

REMINDER - tonight January 30th is the new moon in Aquarius - 4:30-midnight EST time is the best time to set those intentions for Aquarius stuff like -

Big picture planning, technology skills, the stuff you really want to do that society (or some power and most especially that negative voice in your head) is telling you can't be done - now is the time to take some steps to get that moving. Aquarius rules your circulation, breathing (!), ankles, calves, shins, cutting edge science, the idea of time. Uranus is encouraging everyone to make a bold, fresh, new start, be unique, be experimental, stay open 

(there are a gazillion new and amazing ideas out there floating around in the ethers - I believe I lined up with the idea for my lockets because 1. I had been obsessed with the word Polarity for years from north node study and 2. I was doing unique work from my heart and the universe /God / Goddesses/ higher self (pick you comfort zone here) said to herself "let's see what this one can do with this idea" and 3. I had just run a charity event for someone and never did things like this. Yes, I think there was some good karma from that involved, but that's just me, I never did stuff like charity events, maybe you do good stuff all the time, so it doesn't shock the Goddesses silly - you might need to do something else; like value yourself maybe)

This energy is always here, anyone can line up with a new idea and truly a New Moon in Aquarius is the perfect time to set your intention for just that. Ask that something new that will benefit you and others come through you - this is truly divine timing!