Whining Wednesday - yes, it's back, but just for one week because I'm a glass half full kind of girl now

I have been aching to whine for weeks

I mean it is in my DNA,

but I have been busy staying positive and professional and all that.

Since it is the first week of summer and the birds are singing, the bees are buzzing, the kids are BORED .. I think it is time to whine a little ...

Whine 1 - I cut myself shaving. I know, I know we all do that. But I cut my face shaving my legs.

Let me set the stage without being too indelicate ...

I was in the shower and reached the razor behind my head to put it under the water so I could rinse it off and as I did, I felt the cold razor blade on my face and suddenly I was bleeding ... alot.

My first response was a bit of a freak-out thinking I had just scarred the only 50 square inches (how many square inches is a face do you think) of my anatomy left unscarred from one mishap or another,

but once I got a little bit calmed down realized that I had just cut my face shaving my legs and would get to wear one of those tiny little pieces of bathroom tissue stuck to my face for a little while, which was actually kind of cool, although I was the only one home and no one would see me.

So, I kept checking out the window for the UPS driver, so he could see my tissue-papered injury and I would get to announce - yeah, just cut my face ... shaving my legs ... but that never happened.

Whine 2 - this is kind of a little lesson wrapped in a whine - my chiropractor raised his prices and my health insurance doesn't cover chiropractic care

(or dental care or vision care or any of the other things I guess we are not really supposed to require)

even though hubby and I pay over $8000.00 a year for it ... sigh

Anyhoo, he raised his prices and it honestly wasn't very much of a price increase and I was actually sort of ok with it until I happened to be in the parking lot last week when he pulled in -

and I saw his brand new, incredibly shiny, incredibly red JAGUAR

and this little resentful voice in my head immediately was all

"well, this we do not like."

He had gotten an expensive new car, and I judged that a little bit.
(actually, he had gotten an expensive new Jaguar and I judged that alot)

And that voice continued with, “Is this why I am paying more?"

"Who does he think he is?!”

Ouch ...

So, I had to take a breath and sit with my little self-righteous self for a minute and think this all through. What exactly was I judging here?

Because here’s the deal - I know we are not meant to stay small. I know we are not meant to be broke.

My chiropractor is very good. Why doesn't he get to drive a Jaguar? I don’t want to stay small. So, why would I want him to stay small?

Even though my idea of EXPANSION is not a Jaguar - what was my real problem with this?

(it wasn't a Hummer, for pete's sake)

Whine 3 - We've got crop circles. Well, we don't exactly have crops and we don't exactly have circles, but we've got something in our corn ... or what used to be our corn ... or what could have been our corn ...

Let me set the scene - hubby goes outside to water the farm garden and he comes inside for about 30 seconds to get a drink of water

(he will not drink hose water or let Olive drink it - personally I am not bothered by the bacteria growing in the 100 degree, 100 feet of plastic tubing, but I am a tough Jersey girl after all)

He goes back outside. He then comes in screaming the kind of four letter words that even I will not lay down on paper. The corn was dead- all the corn was cut off as if with a little sickle, every single stalk within the 30 seconds it took George to walk across the yard, into the house, drink a glass of water and walk back outside.

"Is this some kind of f---ng joke!", he is yelling up at the trees.

The most logical (if there is one) explanation is that this was a very hot day, he had just watered the corn, corn stalk leaves hold water very well, some tiny little thirsty critter gang had rushed the corn stalks for the water and cut every stalk off at the base to get to the leaves ...

(or maybe the corn was just tired and wanted to lay down ... like forever)
it was something like this -----> ... well, sort of

16 stalks in 30 seconds

some kind of crop circle making record, I am sure.

Hubby later described this to people as the stalks being cut almost all the way through, almost down to the very base and then pushed over, just like you would cut down a tree ...

When he said this, I caught his eye and held it. He knew what I was thinking.

He knew I was thinking about the trees we had just cut down. The trees that, although rotted, were also in the way of his farm garden and his sunset just like his little cornstalks were in the way of that critter gang getting to its water supply.

Of course, hubby thinks I am the kind of person who sees signs in all sorts of ridiculous things, including burned toast crumbs.

(which was just that one time, when they happened to fall into an amazing silhouette of a dangerously bent bicycle and had me driving my car to the post office that day ... just in case)

And of course, since I am the kind of girl who turns lemons into lemonade

(well, cans of frozen lemon concentrate anyway)

let me recap (1) if we see a girl with a piece of bathroom tissue stuck to her face, maybe we should feel a bit of shock and awe for the type of shower manuever she was most likely performing and not assume she had just popped some kind of gigantic pimple

and (2) when someone gets a new car, even if that car is a bit much and that someone is someone we are paying- maybe especially if that someone is someone we are paying, be happy that our money has expanded their world and know that it is busy expanding ours, too.

and (3) when crop circles happen just think of the great story this will make one day (and next year plant your corn with some critter-proof fencing like all the other vegetables or at least get some kind of video monitoring system installed to determine which critter gang is responsible for the carnage and maybe win yourself a free year's supply of dog food on that amazing animal tv show).

Life is a classroom folks. Lessons are everywhere.

crop circle digital print by SkinkInk


Sherry said...

I'm all for a little whine now and then and have actually been thinking of going to a chiropractor which is also not covered by insurance. My son's orthodontist also drives a Jag, courtesy of me, in part. I wouldn't have one either but have other plans for the money.

Crop circles sound plausible to me because our bamboo is acting oddly since our trees came down. It is NJ after all.

Truth be told, Zorro and I have been know to partake in hose water, but Bob would rather be dehydrated than do that!


Sorry about your leg, oh I mean face.

limonada said...

You made me laugh so hard!!! AHAHAHA

Amazing thing with the corn though.. I'm intrigued!

And hey, I also see signs everywhere. I'm glad I do, they make me think about things twice (and I almost enevr do).

Thank you for making me smile Cat!

Rachel said...

Thank you for the laugh though I shouldn't be laughing at your expense!

The corn thing is weird though.

And a good, healthy whine is good every now and then.


Unknown said...

OK, you are funny. You really had me laughing out loud, in the least cliche LOL sort of way. Will you be my new BFF? :-D Great blog! (yes, I was totally kidding about the BFF thing......unless you need a new BFF, in which case I may be your girl. Kidding again. )

Jenny said...

don't worry. i don't think it's too much of a whine, especially because of your brilliant way of discussing it and your down to earth way of seeing the other side of things. the shower thing, though... that's talent! i usually just slice my ankle :/
found you through pipinghotpapers and twillypop, and plan to follow you into the future! thanks for a humorous read :)

Orion Designs said...

All of those incidents deserve a whine -- a very funny whine.

Btw, my vet does not drive a Jag, but he just came back from a 2 week vacation in Hawaii.

Orion Designs said...

and oh, the corn thing is very strange indeed

Kendra Zvonik said...

another fantastic post, cat!
crazy funny shaving accident but ouch!
the jag- well, my chiro has a sweet sports car too. but he works like a maniac and i'm absolutely positive this was his only joy in life outside work. so, because he always takes such good care of me, i let it slide. thinking of his day and how he has to listen to people in pain all day, everyday . . . he deserves a little something.

Catherine Ivins said...

Sara- yes I will totally be your BFF since mine walks on all fours since my daughter deserted me for a real BFF, Jenny- I usually slice my ankles, too or behind my knees, and yes Vicki- trips to Hawaii are just a step away from a Jaguar in my book, too...


Anonymous said...

Oh my gosh, I want to see your corn garden! You should have taken a picture. Totally crazy if you ask me!

Cute post. ♥

Catherine Ivins said...

I know! I should have grabbed a picture that night because the next day things were all blown around- it is a real mystery, but I had seen a squirrel in there a couple hours before so he may have figured out that if he gnawed the corn stalk - which was about 10" tall that it would fall and he could get the water in the leaves? not sure this makes sense- we have no clue....

Unknown said...

Wow. All worth the whine!

I, too, will drink from faucets, hoses, etc. I believe what doesn't kill us...

Unni Strand said...

I didnt like it when I overheard my dentist bragging about her new fur coat to her assistant. But when I read in the local paper that she had this big 70th Birthday anniversary, I thought, "This is it", and switched to another dentist.

Have a lovely summer!

sheila at shecological said...

You are such a clever weaver of words!

Lisa said...

Cat you are tooo funny! Some people just have a natural writing talent, and girl you have it!!! I was laughing through the whole whine...I especially like the part about drinking out of the hose!