the secret of the cups part III - the leaky cup or how we make sure we never win

print by laura evans

See Part I and II.

It doesn't take long to figure out we are holding a leaky cup.

Our chin gets wet. Our shirt gets wet. Our desk gets wet. Wet happens.

(unless of course we are totally distracted by grumpy cat pictures - I am in love with grumpy cat - actually I mostly am grumpy Cat, so maybe it is the familial thing, I even have the droopy eyelids now. I can't get enough of her)

We probably wouldn't think :

"Dammit this cup leaks! I'm losing tea - I need to pour more tea into this cup!"

But this is exactly what we do with our leaky cups -  the cups that no matter how much we put in there they are never filled - they are bottomless, but we don't seem to notice.

(thankfully not bottomless in a scary hairy ugly guy in a thong at the beach kind of way but not in an endless cup of Java way either and if you are sick of me talking in metaphors you are going to be sick of me for a while because I am feeling the need to talk in pictures these days)

One leaky, bottomless cup most of us we all have is the money cup - yup, I think maybe everybody, it's societal - now don't tell me you don't care about money or you have enough money - this isn't about how much you care about money or how much money you actually have, this is about how much money you feel you have and I probably won't believe you anyway.

We will never feel like we have enough money (obviously we can actually have enough money) - this cup will never be full no matter how much we pour into it.

This is why doing it for the money or making money our main goal is a great way to make sure we can never win.

Hubs and I saved enough money to pay off our mortgage. This was our big deal goal for a long time

(and no, we didn't do this the smart way with extra principal payments - we saved our money in a sock drawer, well a bank account that just smells like a sock drawer).

But once we had the money saved we said to ourselves - "what are we nuts, we can't take all our money and pay off our mortgage - what if an emergency comes up?!" ... so we saved more money.

One day we had 3 months of emergency funds saved plus enough to pay off our mortgage then we said to ourselves - "what are we nuts, 3 months emergency money in this economy is not enough, we need 6 months emergency money!"

So we saved 6 months of emergency money plus enough to pay off our mortgage and we still haven't paid off our mortgage - we will never feel like we have enough money.

(disclaimer - we have a very small, very old, very falling apart house that we have had for decades which makes this whole "saving to pay off our mortgage" quite a bit easier)

When I was in banking I had lots of senior clients who lived like they were destitute from their social security checks while they had hundreds of thousands of dollars in the bank. One woman came to me crying that she had to cancel her cable television because the rate went up.

I showed her how we could move some funds into her liquid accounts to cover her shortage for the next 12 months - she didn't need to deprive herself of Sex and the City (hell, no). The same woman who had been crying seconds before, quickly dried her eyes and looked at me like I was nuts. "That money is my savings, Catherine!"

We will never feel like we have enough money.

For many people, especially women, one of these leaky cups is called ATTENTION - as in, I need more and more and more, although we will not admit this even to ourselves (Tony Robbins says that the number one thing women want from men is ATTENTION - why are so many men so freakin' oblivious to this? I think he said the number one thing men want from women is APPRECIATION or maybe he said sex - I kinda slept through the 'what men want' part).

CONTROL is another big old leaky cup. No matter how many things we get under control ... there is always something ... else.

With my south node in Capricorn (Astrological charts are a great help with this, but your own intuition and just an honest look at your life works just as well) I knew CONTROL was a leaky cup for me - in previous lives I needed to be in control, it had always worked for me and those I was responsible for, so I came into this life with that energy and magnetized myself to a childhood situation where life was totally out of control confirming for me that I needed to be in control. 

(and you don't have to believe in past lives to resonate with this - just think 'childhood' whenever you read 'past life', it's a lot of the same stuff)

Now in this lifetime this energy (my been there/done that comfort zone) is precisely what will not work for me. And honest to God every time I give up control I win - every time I try to control things I lose (note- this is not true for everyone) - I once had a wise person say to me "what people who want to control everything really want to control is what other people think of them" - she said it kind of off-handedly and at the time I thought she was wrong, but it stayed with me (which I guess means on some level I didn't really think she was wrong) - now, many years later, I see the truth in this, at least for me (blogging is great for letting go of this one).

The problem isn't the leaky cup itself - the problem is our inability to see the mess it's making when it leaks all over our life - when we make decisions and create intentions and set our focus based on things that are bottomless - we set ourselves up to be unhappy. We need to stop refilling the leaky cup and plug the damn hole!  

I have plugged a lot of holes in the last couple years - we can all do this (I recommend epoxy grout - it's waterproof), but it's a process and life is more of a spiral then a path so sometimes even when we have plugged a leak in the cup's bottom, another little drip might start near the handle and that is ok, more than ok actually because the leaky cups are part of life's polarity that causes growth- we have intended this lifetime as a lifetime of expansion, not perfection.

So, on the path to enlightenment (letting more light in) we let go of the leaky cups (they are always of the ego). We stop looking for something outside of ourselves to fill us.

TRUST is the answer to the leaky cup (and letting go).

Trust that money will be there when we need it - trust that there is enough for us - trust that other people know what's best for them - trust that things will get done without us - trust that we don't need to control things, etc, etc. Think about the areas in your own life that are insatiable and see if more trust (in Life/Universe/God/Higher Self - pick your comfort zone here) might stop the leak. Also it works to be fully invested in an effort (process) but not attached to a result - let go.

Next Up in Part IV (I think I write such long posts so I can write roman numerals, I love them) - the hot/cold cup or the secret of right timing

GIVEAWAY - Winged World Recycled Library Card ART - Emily Dickinson CLOSED

  

I fell in love at first site with Vickie Moore's magical shop where she gives new life to obsolete library cards by turning them into mini works of art!

Winged World, her Oregon shop, is amazing! Vickie rescues most of her cards from libraries with the help of kind-hearted librarians. She loves to look through her collection and imagine what kind of art would suit each one best. One of her favorite parts of the process is researching imagery that could go on a card. Then she gets busy drawing and painting, being careful not to cover over important words on a card ... she has dozens of different designs!

Since Emily Dickinson is a favorite of mine I know others will love her, too!

WHAT YOU GET:

Winged World's wonderful Emily Dickinson card art print!

HOW TO WIN:

It's easy-peasy just leave your contact info in the comments section below or do any of the following for bonus chances:

(5) Like Olive on Facebook (see top right column)

(5) Follow my blog

(5) Facebook/Twitter or Blog this post

Let me know if you have done these things so I can give you additional entries. This contest is open to everyone!

DRAWING:

Enter by midnight Sunday, February 1st - Good luck! AND THE WINNER IS:

True Random Number Generator Min: Max: Result: 30
Kiddo! Congrats Kiddo and thank you to everyone who entered! (the numbers were 1-84)

 

Saturn Saturday - a step back

print by the geekerie

Instead of popping up another victim volunteer tonight

(because a store's deadline got pushed up and I need to spend this weekend making that plus I have decided after last week's post that it might be most useful if I progress the charts a bit to see what's ahead)

I am going to get all the charts done on Monday (yay for postal holidays) - and post them all next week while I continue the cup series and post the next giveaway.

THE WINNER OF THIS WEEK'S GIVEAWAY IS: ZOE! YAY!

True Random Number Generator Min: Max 62 :  Result: 4 
  
Thank you to everyone who took the time to enter - new giveaway on Monday so check back then!

the secrets of the cups - part II (the empty cup)

wall decals by wall to wall decals

The empty cup's secret is, and you may have guessed this already -

it's not really empty

There is no place of nothing that creation springs from - but there is a place of stillness.

From the place of stillness (which is the beginning place, the time of allowing, the time of winter) anything can happen.

Most times when we say we want to be happy and we aren't it's because we don't really value happiness - we really value something else - sometimes we value our reputation more than our happiness, sometimes what we really value is safety.

If we really valued happiness it would be easy to let go of that thing that doesn't make us happy. Children do it all the time. And anything we could do as a child we can do now, anything we knew then we still know now - we have just forgotten our knowing - we've lost touch. It hasn't gone anywhere.

If someone is really unhappy and wanting to break up with her boyfriend - her friends would probably never say to her "well, you need to meet someone new before you break up with him - don't make any move until you have lined up someone else" - in fact, most friends would give her the opposite advice "take your time, sit with yourself for a while, rebound relationships don't work, yada, yada".

But, we tell people who are unhappy with their jobs to wait until they have something else lined up all the time.

[ And, one thing about rebound relationships - 

they actually do work -

because it's not their job to make us safe or happy forever,

nothing outside of ourself gets that job,

it's their job to break our holding pattern -

to bring us to the place of the empty cup -

and they are really good at that ] 

Now, I get that mama needs to bring home the bacon, but mama needs to be mindful of where that bacon actually comes from (and I am not talking pigs here) - because that bacon and wait, let's switch to the word moula (pronounced moola - it's Jersey for money if you are unfamiliar) because I am starting to feel sorry for the pig -

the moula doesn't come from the job - it comes through the job, but it doesn't come from the job - the moula comes from the Universe (God/Higher Self - we should pick our most comfortable word here because we really need to get this and hold it in a place we vibrate with) - the money comes from Source.

I have a niece who is divorced. She needs to go back to court about child support with her ex and is worried that she will not get the amount of money she needs from him. My advice to her is always the same - to remember the money doesn't come from the ex - it may be coming through him, but it doesn't come from him. Her source is the Universe. This was her source when she was married, too - it just looked like her money was coming from her husband's paycheck when in fact Source sent her her husband! The way the money gets to her may change, but her connection to Source is eternal.

(so she sets her intention for what she needs to flow to her effortlessly for the highest good of everyone involved and releases the need for it to come from the ex - note - this doesn't mean that she doesn't go to court and seek a fair payment because action matters, it means she knows that she is ok no matter what happens - she knows her cup isn't really empty even when it looks like it is)

This isn't New Age gobbledy goop. It may be Old-Age goobledy goop (but I don't think so - ha!) - if you resonate with any of this, but not anything New Age check out Florence Scovel Shinn's work, a Jersey girl from the 1800's who knew a thing or two about a thing or two.

Now, I am not saying we should all run out and quit a job we are not loving. There are lots of lessons to be learned from jobs we are not loving (because any kind of learning leads to expansion and expansion is our real job here) - my favorite uncle used to say that you were not really a grown up until you "took a job you didn't want and lost a job you really did".

I am saying that when we get to the place of the empty cup - we often need to step away from the actionable life to gain perspective. 

So, I am not saying we should quit the job we hate, but I am not saying we shouldn't either. It may seem more logical to line up the next thing first, but I am just not sure that what is logical is necessarily true.

[ Rebound jobs and businesses work, too - Etsy is actually a great rebound business. The work of an Etsy shop takes us into the vibration of creativity and community no matter

how much money it channels to us. We expand.]

It is always possible to start a meditation practice and start a new life from a place of gratitude for what we already have

(without leaving that job since the money comes through it, but not from it)

gratitude for what we have is a great bridge from the stuff we don't want to the stuff we do, especially when we don't know what that stuff is yet. The vibration of "I am grateful for this" brings us to a place of more of "this" - we just line up with it, it can't not come to us.

So, we make a list of all the good things we get from the thing we are looking to leave, but think we can't - and we focus on this list. We set an intention for these good things which actually come from Source to find another way to reach us.

We are grateful for the paycheck but not the job. We are grateful for the sense of connection that comes from the people we work with but not the job.

We find we can go to work with a new passion and gratitude - we jump into a new vibration. From that new vibration all kinds of little (and big) synchronicities will start to be drawn into our life and most importantly the empty cup with allow us to notice them. We get to the place of allowing and then we take action from there.

Up Next Part III - the leaky cup

xo all

One of the central teachings of the Course in Miracles is "Nothing real can be threatened. Nothing unreal exists. Herein lies the peace of God."

It teaches that if you can lose it - it isn't real. This is something it can take a while to wrap our heads around (but an instant to feel its truth in our heart) and some people may never vibrate with this (and that is totally ok - we are all here to learn different stuff), but if we do, it's a life changer.

the secrets of the cups - part 1 (these are not Victoria's Secret Cups but I feel the need to work those words into my title to attract more readers)

print by hair brained schemes

I've been thinking about cups.

Uh, yes, I said cups.

Empty cups and full cups and chipped cups and

that perfect cup of tea (or coffee) that smells just so and tastes just so and sits in our hand just so that when we walk into a room with that cup in our hands -

(even when that room has a sink that is filled to the brim with dirty cups, that everyone else in the house believes are cleaned by fairies - I mean they must believe this because if they weren't being cleaned by some kind of magical process, I'm sure someone would pick up a cup and wash it ... themselves ... sigh)

all is right with our world.

The cup seems a perfect metaphor for everything to me these days.

Let's start with the empty cup - you may or may resonate with this cup - it depends on which cup in the universal kitchen cupboard you are vibrating with right now - there are no rights or wrongs, goods or bads here - I only hope for your sake you are not resonating with that old Disney mug with the picture of Goofy in a racecar and the faded letters that read ... NAScaR daD.

(and it helps if you picture little Oliver Twist with his bent brim metal cup and soulful eyes imploring for more)

The empty cup is what gets our ass moving - it requires some kind of action -

now the cup doesn't need to be totally empty, of course - although for some people, and I think I may be one of them, it takes a swig of nothing from a totally empty cup

(how the hell did I not notice that this stuff in my cup - this stuff that had been sustaining me, at least in a "she's still breathing" kind of way - is ... well, gone)

to wake us up.

(yes, even when we are talking coffee here - it is the empty cup and not the full cup that wakes us up - stay with me)

When my Polarity Quit Your Day Job interview came out on the Etsy blog I got a lot of email from makers (and everyone owns this title because we wouldn't be on the planet earth if we weren't the most courageous and amazing makers in the universe, truly) - many were very drawn to the words

I made space for something new to find me.

This is the secret of the empty cup - the step away from actionable life

(and depending on your vibration the idea of stepping away from anything, even something we know in our heart is not working, can be either very alarming or very seductive - there is probably no middle ground in this for those of us who find ourselves holding an empty cup in the first place)

Now, how this cup gets emptied is a very individual thing:

defining ourselves by how much we do, putting other people first, not speaking up, being somewhere that we do not want to be, doing things we do not want to do -

the cup gets emptied by what we allow.

By the time we realize we are just sucking down air this has probably been happening for years, maybe even decades then we either create some change or more likely life creates this for us, usually in the form of some kind of loss - empty within leads to empty with-out. It has to.

(allow (inner work) + create (outer work) = well, everything actually)

My mother married her first husband when she was 21 years old. The guy she married told her when he asked her to marry him that if she said no, he was going to ask her best friend (women's friendships could be a little too competitive - they still can).

My mother thought about it.

She decided that it would be more painful to watch this guy marry her best friend than it would be for her to actually marry him herself, so she married him.

(note I said first husband)

Even when we don't know what we do want or what we do want to be doing, we still have to take action to get rid of what isn't working - this action precedes the state of allowing that is the empty cup's secret.

We can't slip into those kick-ass boots we just bought before slipping our feet out of our slippers and in between this slipping in and slipping out our feet have got to get naked - there's just no other way - well, unless we have some kind of kick-ass galoshes that fit over top of our slippers - there are never any absolutes with anything, life is tricky, folks.

But mostly this naked feet place is the empty cup place (please keep in mind the image of little Oliver Twist and not naked feet inside empty cups which will get this all mucked up for you)

In Part II we will get to the secret of the empty cup - because every cup has a secret - I think Victoria knew this first ...

(well, except maybe the red solo cup - which is probably the worst song ever written and so doesn't get one)

Next Up - Part II - the secret of the empty cup

GIVEAWAY - Tattly Temporary Tattoo Assortment - Like a Real Tattoo But FAKE!! CLOSED

I have been obsessed with Tattlys since discovering them last year. I bought the I'm Late watches and keep a supply in my house to give to any "guests" who don't show up on time - I've only had one late guest (actually I've only had one guest) since this brain-storm, but you have to believe me when I say these tattoos are awesome - they go on easily, the colors are vibrant and they last a long time (but not forever) - they are perfect!

Tina Roth Eisenberg has turned her collaborative artistic venture into a global tattoo empire! Tired of putting poorly designed temporary tattoos on her daughter’s arm, she took matters into her own hands

and in July 2011 she launched Tattly Temporary Tattoos. Starting with just a handful of different designs, Tattly has received thousands of orders from around the world - after just one year they have 250 designs and are sold in over 90 countries!

 

WHAT YOU GET:

This awesome 8 set collection (1 of each design) made with soy-based ink. Packaged in card stock sleeve. Includes the following designs: Diamonds by Kate Bingaman-Burt, Peacock by Stina Persson, What to Focus On by Marc Johns, Red Bike by Katie Evans, Enamorado by Blanca Gómez, Popsicles by Julia Rothman, and Oh, Hello and Ship by Mike Lowery.

HOW TO WIN:

It's easy-peasy just leave your contact info in the comments section below or do any of the following for bonus chances:

(5) Like Olive on Facebook (see top right column)

(5) Follow my blog

(5) Facebook/Twitter or Blog this post

Let me know if you have done these things so I can give you additional entries. This contest is open to everyone.

DRAWING:

Enter by midnight Friday 1/18/13!  Good luck! CLOSED

Winner is # 4 - ZOE!

saturn saturday - our first volunteer - we will call her Faith (since she has some crazy faith I know what I am talking about here - I will give her a chart of her planets so she can check out what real astrologers have to say about it, too - since I can only guarantee my accuracy in corks and dog biscuits)

available at gritty city goods

Life is a series of checks and balances (to use my old banker jargon).

We create, we review, we keep what works, we tear down what doesn't or what is finished and we move on to create again. This never stops.

When I was in banking I would often sneak a peek at clients' charts before looking at large investments or commitments to see whether they were more motivated by safety or growth, any significant financial or work related pitfalls ahead, etc - but I haven't looked at charts in a decade plus.

Last week I put out a call for some guinea pigs volunteers to help me get my feet wet again and was grateful to find a few takers. I am going to look at each chart's Saturn, 10th house and North and South Nodes first and then see where my favorite female goddesses rear their heads (next month) - all of this geared to our maker businesses.

During times of transition it can be a clearing exercise to check out what Saturn is doing in our charts. Saturn moves every couple years bringing changes to whatever part of our chart he is hitting and every seven years he creates some hard aspects to shake things up.

The incredibly rich narrative of Saturn in Roman and Greek (Cronus) mythology is too important for me to do it justice here in a paragraph - astrologer Liz Greene has a wonderful book on Saturn and of course the web has lots of info if you are drawn to finding out more.

In astrology Saturn is an aspect of the father/authority figure - it's the 2nd largest planet, it's the planet of contraction (Jupiter, the largest planet, is the planet of expansion so we expand a little more than we contract) - it's about boundaries, responsibilities, karma, commitments, self-control - the stuff that defines (meaning = outlines) us.

Some of Saturn's harder tests are our first Saturn return

(Saturn takes 28 -29 years to come full circle back to the place he occupied at our birth)

in our late 20's and our second Saturn return in our late 50's.

(there are also other aspects like the Neptune Square Neptune at about the age of 41 and the Uranus/Uranus opposition at about the age of 43 - one or both of which throws pretty much every one of us into a mid-life crisis, Chiron return 48-50, Pluto trines Pluto at 58, Uranus Squares Uranus at 63 - both new beginnings)

First up is Faith (names changed to protect the innocent).

When Faith was born Saturn was in Libra and since Saturn was again in Libra from late 2009 until just a couple months ago, I knew at a glance that Faith has just been through her 2nd Saturn return.

This is like our own little (often not so little) personal earthquake- allowing us to shake off anything that is not really us (note- this shaking off may feel kind of like being water-boarded at times and in a partnership house like Libra might lead us through some loneliness and depression).

It can create dramatic change!