I want to know what's going to happen.
(
even though I know that thoughts are things and currents of infinite possibility run deep through my bones)
I want to know that everyone is going to have a happy ending and that things are going to all work out.
(
even though I know that nothing real can be threatened and nothing unreal exists)
I want to know if what I am doing is going to work before I do it.
(
even though ... well, because I'm kind of lazy)
I want a guarantee and yes, I want it signed in permanent ink and
notarized.
The problem with this way of going through life is when I look too far ahead:
1. I miss all the stuff I don't do
now because it looks like it might be a bad idea
later
(if I skipped everything in life that looked like a loser, I surely would have missed the sidesteps that took me to the winners)
2. I miss the cracks in the sidewalk that are right at my feet awaiting my tiniest misstep
(
and I am clumsy enough with feet firmly planted on the ground - you know that twitchy/jerky thing that happens sometimes just before we fall asleep - well, I have been known to do that wide awake)
3. I miss the excitement of life
surprising me
(
since I cannot count on hubs to do this - we both forgot our anniversary last week)
The problem is even knowing these things with an absolute certainty:
I still want to know what's going to happen.
