going downstream with an upstream business - the value of being ourselves part II

It wasn't that long ago, of course I think in evolutions and age myself in dog years now, that I sold things from mall carts because there was no place of commerce called the internet.

(there was an internet of course, but people didn't trust it so much for shopping in those days)

I had to build my business to appeal to the local customer. This is what business makers had been doing for generations.

If I wanted to focus my business on what I wanted to do I had to plant my business in a place the thing I wanted to do was needed.

Or I could try to figure out what was needed in the place I wanted to plant my business (ie the local mall) and focus my business on that.

I couldn't just decide what I wanted to do and do it wherever I wanted to do it - I had to work upstream with an upstream business.

We live in a very different world now.

(although it looks like the internet created this change, what really happened is we changed and the internet was created by us to support our new way of being - this is why we really need to defend what we have created here - if you haven't educated yourself on net neutrality, please do so and take some action to support it)

The stuff I sold from my mall carts had a very broad appeal. It had to. I had to appeal to as many people who came into that mall as possible or I wouldn't stay in business.

This mindset is the reason so many people in business before the internet have so much trouble translating their success to an online business. With 60% of U.S. sales anticipated to involve the internet by 2017 we all need to figure this thing out.

I have a friend who owns a local music store selling musical instruments and supplies. He has been in business for decades and was smart enough to see the internet as a great opportunity. He got in early and set up a website.

It pretty much looked like a one dimensional version of his music store.

This seemed like a good idea at the time (the aisles in his store became sections in his website - he even had pictures of his retail store on his front page) because we really couldn't see how this was all going to work yet.

Of course what happened is his website never took off. Yes, millions of people were buying online, but they weren't buying from him (most of the money made from local stores going online without a doubt went to web designers).

His physical store sales plummeted. Yes, customers still came in to pick the brains of his seasoned staff, but then they went online (and to the big box stores), with its price comparison and Amazon free shipping.

The very internet that was supposed to open up his little business to the world destroyed his retail sales platform because he was selling the same thing everyone else was.

Now he is a very savvy and smart business man and switched his retail sales business model to a service model - he now makes most of his money on music lessons and has become the go-to local place for this. He was able to go downstream and do what we loves in an upstream business.

This works for him because he is a musician and loves music - if he had been just a guy who opened a music store because he saw his town needed a music store he would have been in a whole lot of trouble. Those guys are dead in the water now.

There is not a Happily Ever After ending to this tale however

(and if he really thought it through he wouldn't really want there to be, we came to this planet for contrast and growth after all - the end is never really the end).

His service business model is exhausting. His sales staff do not easily transition to teachers. Some are excellent, some not so much. He is now trading hours for dollars. Even in his little upscale community parents will only pay so much per hour for lessons. Other music stores are making similar transitions. There is more competition all the time. He still has a store filled with musical merchandise and a website that looks like his store. He is swimming in brand new waters.

(and so are we)

Next part III - loosening our grip

why we have to know we're awesome to sell online - the value of being ourselves part I

 

The challenge with integrating our spiritual life and our business is that in order to be fully ourselves we have to stop catering ourselves to an audience, and of course, our customers are kind of an audience.

They don't eat popcorn and we don't tell them to silence their cell phones

(well, maybe they do eat popcorn - I hope not with any of that fake butter though)

but we are in business to trade value with them - the stuff we make for that stuff in their wallet; the stuff that got into their wallet when they traded their value for the stuff in somebody's else's wallet. We are all in this together after all.

Since Business 101 taught us to figure out our customer, get inside her head - who is she? what does she look like? what does she want?, then cater to that - this is all good solid advice, until it isn't anymore and the truth is - this way of thinking has always made artists a little itchy.

Maybe we quit our day job to fire our boss and now we have dozens of bosses (we call them customers or clients these days) and instead of working for a paycheck we are working for the possibility of a paycheck. We really need to know what the hell we are doing here.

I have had a couple businesses before this one and before that I was in banking. I have made many mistakes over the years, but the one thing I have done right (and this is totally because of the Course in Miracles and my spiritual practice) is this:

I have always seen myself as the primary value in my business or my job. Not the stuff I make, not the stuff I do - because I know these forms can and will change - I know the value is really me.

I know from past experience that when one business winds down I can make another one because I have done it before. Seeing ourselves as the primary value we have to offer the world rather than our makings being the primary value is an important distinction. This works the same way when we have a job.

I have many friends who sell online who are selling less and less because the marketplace is more and more crowded (and other reasons, but this is one of them). They are a little panicky. Many people have turned to teaching and coaching and this in itself is OK and a good thing really - we all teach what we need to learn after all, that's how life works - but the coaching business online is starting to look like a giant pyramid scheme (which is not in any way sustainable) with coaches just coaching people to be coaches! 

(I have to do a post on the proliferation of online coaching and the asteroid/minor planet Chiron - the wounded healer- soon)

So what is the answer here?

We always have to know our ability to make money is in our own hands.

It isn't in our customers' hands or our boss's hands - the money looks like it comes through our customer or through our paycheck. It comes from the Universe (God/Higher Self - we should pick our most comfortable word here because we really need to get this and hold it in a place we vibrate with) - the money comes from Source.

It is like air. We breathe it in. We breathe it out.

The more we try to hold on to money the more it runs through our fingers - and in fact if money is running through your fingers right now, loosen your grip! Spend a little more. Trust that life has got your back!

Some experts advise us to play out worst case scenarios with our fears - they tell us to think of the worst possible thing that could happen if we lose our job or our business and this is supposed to make us see how preposterous our fears are so we can release them -

the problem is that all of us have past life experiences where the worst possible things that could happen to us really did happen to us (and if you don't resonate with past lives, think of your familial ancestry here) and part of us knows this.

How freeing would it be to really absorb into the very DNA of our business that we just have to be who we truly are and trust that the universe will deliver to us exactly the people who will benefit from us and our work and that is exactly what will happen.

(this does not mean we will make a lot of money - it does however guarantee to make us rich)

Part II next week - going downstream with an upstream business

Have a nice weekend everyone - I had a stressful week and it is now 70 degrees and sunny so I plan to be meditating (ie gardening) in the sun as much as possible for the next two days. I had a terrible Vitamin D reading of 16 (!) recently and have decided sun (and supplements) are my friend right now. I will try to do another auto-immune thyroid/hormone post next week. Would love to hear what anyone else is doing.

Also Venus is moving into Aries May 2nd - so this is a great time for us to take any action that brings beauty and love into our world. Will write about that next time!

Part IV - our money mindset and our business - wrapping our heart around this stuff

To recap some actionable stuff that will create a more abundant money mindset for us:

1. Respect our money - see this post here - this is about mindfulness
2. Invest (some regular percentage on a regular basis) - this is about telling ourselves we deserve stability
3. Make a list of money memories and beliefs. Use forgiveness exercises and tapping to release the ones we need to let go of. This is usually a process and not a one time deal, but brings dramatic results.
4. Nurture our 2nd house needs - see this post here
5. Listen to our language about money - are we telling the best stories
6. Money challenges are a symptom. Money represents energy so our health often mimics how we manage our money, too. What can we learn about our relationship to our money by looking at our health?

We pray/set intentions for more money and then are surprised when instead of cold, hard cash what we receive is an invitation to change our vibration. But that is how life on planet Earth works!

Think about it like this - asking for patience will draw to us situations to practice patience (how else will we learn to be patient?) - like long lines and traffic jams (this is why I do not ask for patience!).

So what does asking for more money or more business bring in our own life? Life will show us our imbalances. Guidance is communicated to us all the time - no one is left out of the loop. Usually this guidance shows up in the form of patterns so we will take notice. How people treat us and how events happen around us is a direct mirror of our beliefs.

(One day within an hour of driving I had 3 other drivers flip me the bird in 3 different incidents! This would sound like I was driving like a maniac, but I wasn't - note I live in NJ which might explain one middle finger, but 3 is still an extremely unusual, once in a lifetime event - now if this happened today I would be thinking about what part of me I was saying f* you to, each incident was unprovoked so I would ask myself how I was making myself guilty for something I didn't do. Back then I didn't think like this. I did think to drive myself safely home and park my car for the rest of the day - and of course I would still do that!)

So, if we are desiring more money (and more business) we need to pay attention to what comes up when we focus on this. Lack of money shows up as chakra imbalances, too.

If we have too strong (open) a heart chakra, for example, we will give our money and energy away too much - this will reach a critical point when we are sick of giving. Our heart is meant to inspire and empower people to do things for themselves, not for us to do everything for them. Within our business we will be giving out much more than we are getting back. A weak (closed) heart chakra will result in us being critical and suspicious and not being able to spend the money we need to spend on our business or let go of things that are not working - we will hold on too tightly.

Being a victim is root chakra issues of not taking responsibility for our actions and blaming others. This will cause our business to lose money and alienate people who can help us. Our weak root chakra brings people to us who will take advantage. This isn't about life punishing us - let the idea of punishment and reward go. Once we take responsibility for ourselves and learn to say no to things - we will draw people who are an asset to us instead of people who drain us.

(and our emotions show us our vibrational base with all of this - if someone asks us to do some little thing and we get annoyed right away even though it is something that is very easy for us to do - our emotions have told us that we are giving too much)

Our outer and inner worlds are always in balance. The stuff we are seeing in our life is always the reaping we have sown.

So, say you see certain patterns of being a victim in your own life. Use the internet. We are so lucky to have all this information at our fingertips! Google "what chakra imbalance would make me a victim?" or something like that and then "how to strengthen my root chakra" - use your own judgement with this and do what feels right.

The reason to think about this stuff is never to beat ourselves up - there is no blame in this universe truly. I have seen enough astrological charts to know with absolute certainty we are all here for different things.

The reason it is easier to build a business when we need to make a living is that this is all a lot of work and the output needs to be equally balanced with input or we will get out of balance by doing/giving too much.

There is nothing wrong with going on Etsy (for example) and making a business and not caring if you are making any money as long as you are certain about your beliefs with this and understand they may change over time. We can certainly do this for fun as long as it really is fun! When we are doing something just for fun and it stops being fun, we need to stop doing it.

Since a business is never going to be all fun - there are lots of things we will have to do that we will not want to do - it is usually best to balance it out by making money with it. We need to take this stuff seriously before anyone else does. If other people are not respecting our business, they are only reflecting us back to ourselves.

The reason it is hard to build a business when we really need the money is that our business is always about our value to other people. The giving must come before the getting. We are not really selling our whoseewhatsee, we are really trading its value to another person for money. When we come from a place of "need" we will be trying to sell our whoseewhatsee to everyone instead of exchanging it for money with the people who will get value from it. We will also need a certain amount of money to build a business that makes money. Money likes its own kind.

I got a bit off-track from my original post and where I intended to go with this series and that happens sometimes. Hopefully, the next reader/writer will come along, pick up my wayward thread and keep the conversation going or make it even better. ..... xo all

Part III - why our money mindset matters - tapping into business success and releasing money guilt using EFT and the 2nd house

In astrology money is 2nd house stuff; the 2nd house rules our finances, our values, our possessions, even our talent but what really shows up in the 2nd house is our self worth. It rules what money can buy and what it can't buy. This is the space where we pull our own weight in the world. This space is ruled by the planet Venus and the sign of Taurus.

Most people think of Taurus as represented by the stubborn bull and they can be, but Taurus is really the space in the zodiac that expresses our need for stability and grounding - ain't nothing moving that bull if he don't want to be moved.

(yes, I am going to talk about grounding again - this stuff is all connected plus I am obsessed we know this)

They always benefit by being out in nature,

(a Taurus in the city will not be a pleasant person to be around for long unless allowed a cat, dog or at least a fish tank, plenty of plants and frequent trips to the country)

peace and quiet, hands in the dirt, music in their ears and sensual touch

(think cuddles, hot baths, massages - the kind of touch that feels like safety).

Because Taurus is the natural ruler of the 2nd house the things that strengthen Taurus will strengthen our own 2nd houses, too.

(yes, the same 2nd house that holds our money, our values and our self worth - if you know who is hanging out in your 2nd house and where Venus and Taurus are in your natal chart, you can also work with that energy)

It could seem like taking a hot bath is not something that will make us any money, but it may be exactly what we need to feel safe and cared for. This is the rich soil of self nurturing that grows money best.

Anyhoo, on to tapping (not the kind with the awesome shoes - sorry!).

I first read about tapping and the Emotional Freedom Technique through Jack Canfield - the Chicken Soup for the Soul Guy.

It's a form of accupressure and is a simple exercise that you do to yourself.

Tapping works on the theory that negative emotional experiences disturb the energy meridians that run through our bodies. When we use our fingertips to tap on specific points on our face, head and body while focusing on a negative feeling, EFT quickly realigns the energy meridians associated with those particular thoughts and memories and allows healing to occur.

It is an excellent tool and you can do it almost anywhere. Google around and find some information and videos. Cheryl Richardson has one here. She is talking about anxiety but it works exactly the same with our beliefs.

I use the "Even though I have this fear - naming the fear", or "Even though I have this memory - naming the memory - I deeply and completely accept myself." There is something about the pressure on specific energy points while our body is hearing these words that allows our body to reset itself. It's amazingly effective.

With EFT we take responsibility for calming and soothing ourselves and changing our negative mood or belief instead of waiting for some external thing to come along or happen to change it - it allows us to take our power back. I think that is my favorite thing about it, plus it really does work. Try it for a week and see what happens.

So, what kind of negative belief or memory should we be tapping on to change our money mindset?

Make a list of your money memories or negative beliefs about money you want to release.

I will tell you one of mine that relates to my job loss story from Part I and Part II.

Even though I had technically 'quit' my job I filed for unemployment and since my employer did not want to fight me on this, I got it. I had a much loved uncle and one day I was over his house, no doubt whining about my job loss, but also complaining about the dollar amount of the unemployment check I was about to receive.

My uncle, born in 1924, had probably never worked a week where he made more than $400 in his life.

When I complained about the unemployment amount, he said "you should be grateful you have that". I was immediately filled with guilt. The guilt wasn't about any lack of gratitude on my part, but that I had embarrassed my uncle with my words.

And of course, what I internalized was - "who are you to deserve/ask for more than that?"

When I started thinking about the way money flowed in and out of my life and didn't stick to me, this was one of the memories that came up for me. I knew it told me a lot about my family heritage with money, what I grew up believing I was worth and the ways I self-sabotaged my own stability with guilt over having more than the others around me. I did the forgiveness exercise in the previous post and tapped to release the negative beliefs.

(our memories are always a doorway to our beliefs - asking ourselves why do we remember this particular thing among the gazillion things that have happened to us)

Negative money memories (beliefs) need to be released if we do not want to be sabotaging our business when we hit our income comfort zone.

Often I think I have released something because I have released it in my mind, but my body is still holding onto it.

Many years ago I had a rolfing session with an experienced practitioner and while he was working on my shoulder I had a flash memory of a collection of smiley face stickers on a metal background. It took me about a week to remember these stickers were stickers I had stuck to a metal slide in my backyard when I was a child. I had broken my collarbone when I was nine years old on that slide. When the rolfer (rolfer?) worked on my shoulder, that unconscious memory, stored in my right shoulder, was released. Truly this is self-acceptance at a soul level we are working on with this.

Women often feel guilt about debt more strongly than men do. If you think you will feel better about yourself when you are out of debt you probably won't.

(well maybe for 10 minutes until you celebrate your debt-free status at your favorite restaurant with your Mastercard)

If you let the current state of your wallet dictate your self-worth it will be dictating the future state of your wallet, too. Re-framing your thinking about your debt as life's belief in your future earning ability might help.

When I was in banking I worked with people who had declared bankruptcy. Generally men bounced back faster. They were usually able to separate their money from themselves, "it's just business", they would say, even about their own personal finances. They would file for bankruptcy one week and be in the bank asking me how to get their credit fixed the next. Women often seemed to carry more guilt.

If you have declared bankruptcy - tapping and forgiveness work can help.

Banks who lent you money expecting to get it back took a risk. That's how banks work. They are gamblers, and it’s part of their business to lose sometimes. They have long ago moved on and you should, too.

(this isn't a reason to not pay our debts, but some people have debts that have been legally excused for years still casting shadows on their self-worth)

Everyone needs an investment program. Don't think about saving your money for a rainy day because you will inevitably have one with this way of thinking. You are not saving money - money needs to flow. You are investing your money.

(even if your investment looks oddly like your sock drawer right now).

But don't really use your sock drawer. Money likes to be respected - it is part of our 2nd house family of self-worth after all. Some other tips are HERE.

Next up - Part IV -  tying this back into our businesses (for real this time) and why it's easier to build a business when we need the money, but not when we REALLY need the money

Using Astrology and Moon Timing to Launch Your New Product

Now, I do not believe in fortune telling (although these folks look pretty damn reliable, don't you think) but I do believe in right timing.

For anyone launching a creative venture - business, product, book, etc - knowledge of astrology and the moon can be extremely helpful.

The best and most accurate right timing would be personalized to our own natal chart and our business's chart, but there are some general things we can talk about here that apply pretty universally.

First off - unless you absolutely, positively must launch something creative when Mercury or Venus is retrograde - don't. I would try to avoid Mars retrograde periods also. These 3 periods cover almost half of 2014, so we can't always avoid them, but be prepared to be doing revisions and dealing with increased glitches and setbacks.

Of course, sometimes this is exactly the stuff that separates the men from the boys and the women from the girls and makes us and our launches stronger - so if you must move ahead during these periods just move fearlessly and know you can do it! 

The muscles you are building now will be needed later anyway.

THE MOON:

The moon is fast moving; changing astrological signs every 2.5 days and working its way through its entire cycle in 28 days (through all the signs and from new to waxing to full to waning and back to new).

The Moon is ruled by the sign of Cancer. Cancer is the mother energy that is all about beginnings - tenderly nurturing and appreciating the newness of things.

The New Moon is the time when the skies go dark (the moon is between the earth and the sun). We can't see the new moon (until it forms a crescent later on in the week) - it is literally the time we are "in the dark".

Now, remember everything starts life in the dark as a thought (think seeds in the ground). This is the beginning part which only feels like the beginning part if we are paying attention.

This is the time of pure potential - use it well, but we don't want to actually launch something new at the New Moon (I know it sounds like a good time, but the moon is not so physically strong at this time). The moon should not be void of course either.

The best time to launch something new is the time between the new moon and the full moon - the time when the moon is waxing (appearing to grow larger in the night sky). Ideally we want the moon sextiling the sun or trining the sun - this would be 5 days after the new moon or 10 days after the new moon.

THE SUN:

The sun is strongest in a fire sign. The fire signs are Aries, Leo and Sagittarius.

(now I am speaking generally here all sun signs have positive qualities that can work for creation)

The best time to launch something new is when the sun is in Aries (March 21 - April 19 and ruled by Mars the planet of action), Leo (July 23rd - August 22 and ruled by the sun) or Sagittarius (November 22 - December 21st and ruled by Jupiter the planet of good luck).

THE PLANETS:

Some planets are generally more important than others for your new business or product. Mercury rules communication so it is important. Saturn rules structure and hard work and the 10th house so he is important - there is no excellent placement for him, but some are better than others. If your creative venture is a creative venture you want to take a look at Venus (she rules the arts) - it is important she be well placed. Jupiter brings good luck and expansion so we do not want to waste her. I would shoot for a time when Jupiter is in the 1st, 5th, 9th or 11th house.

THE HOUSES:

Who is ruling the first house? The first house represents the business. Who is ruling the 2nd house? The second house is our values and our money. Who is ruling the 10th house? The tenth house is all about our reputation and status. Who is ruling our 7th house of customers and partners - I wouldn't want Saturn hanging out there and bringing me challenging customers who make me work harder. Also check where the natural rulers of these houses have landed - that would be Mars, Venus, Saturn Capricorn & Libra.

So, how do we time the signs and houses the planets are in when we launch?

Pull an astrology chart for the date and time you are thinking of launching HERE - even if you have no knowledge of astrology or interest in learning you can read about your creation as if it is a person (not in a businesses are people kind of way, but sort of) - is this someone you would like spending time with? Does this sound like someone who would offer value to the world? Think about what you are looking to do with your new business - does this sound like someone who could do it?

Use your intuition with this.

If you are able to compare your own natal chart with this new chart it would be a huge benefit. There are astrologers online who can do this. It is a bit of work so likely won't be cheap. The truth is though, that no one knows you and what you are creating with your life and your work better than you do.

Astrology is more about what events mean than it is about predicting them; feeling charts rather than studying them.

It is the emotional journey of planet Earth we are all here for, after all.

There are no outcome guarantees with anything we do, so we always want to be moving toward what makes us happy. And obviously we can have the most spectacularly fertile ground for a launch and it we do not then water the ground, rake out the weeds and provide lots of sun and attention even the strongest seeds will not grow. It surely isn't a bad thing to check the soil first though ....

I believe the most powerful and soulful business technique we can nurture is a quiet mind.

I know from my own life when I am unbalanced and "trust my gut" I come from a place of fear (think : knots in your stomach, things we can't stomach, eyes bigger than our stomach) - I always attract exactly the crap I am trying to avoid.

When I am actively quieting my mind on a regular basis and "trust my heart" I come from a place of love (think : heartfelt, heartful, know by heart, change of heart, close to your heart) - things always go smoother. There is a total guarantee of happily ever after with this because this kind of happiness is not circumstance dependent.

Play around with the times for your location and really think about what you are looking to create within your own life with this launch - I am especially liking the days of April 4th (Friday ruled by Venus - art), April 5th (Saturday ruled by Saturn - business) and April 9th (Wednesday ruled by Mercury - communication - unless you are an over-thinker, Wednesday's child is full of woe and worry after all). Of course we still have Mars retrograde so if you can wait until he moves direct - or ideally wait until July when all the retrograde energy is past - that will be even better!

What does launch mean? Well, that is really up to you because our beliefs and intentions are key here. I once sat outside my county business office waiting for the right time to register my business name (this is inexpensive and a great way to establish a launch date, time and place). If you sell on Etsy you can certainly determine a good time to press that list button. You can not go wrong with this kind of mindfulness.

NOTE - I give this advice and all advice on this blog with my usual disclaimer:

Disclaimer - I cannot be held responsible for any actions you might take from reading any of my posts - please keep this in mind if you end up in your parents' basement obsessed with pinterest and green tea.

(unless of course, this would be an improvement over your current living situation, in which case, I take full credit)

Part II taking action to increase our self worth so our business draws the stuff we want to line up with - FORGIVENESS

It might look like there are many reasons we are not making enough income or we have hit an income 'ceiling' - it might look like the economy is soft or we are working hours for dollars and there are only so many hours or we don't have the money to do the thing we want to do or we didn't finish college or we didn't even go to college or the thing we are selling is only worth so much or we are burned out (there is some truth to burnout here, but often burnout comes from our not valuing ourselves enough to say when or to move on when we need to) or yada, yada, yada.

In reality maybe there is only one reason we self sabotage when we hit any kind of ceiling (unless you are in an attic like mine where standing up is only possible for 3 year olds) and that reason is fear and that fear comes from our (often unconscious) beliefs about our self worth. 

Author Gay Hendricks (The Big Leap) says we know we have uncovered one of our own personal upper limits when

"a negative emotional reaction occurs when something positive enters our lives".

This may not be an exact quote since I don't have the book anymore and Google isn't pulling it up, but when I heard this years ago I knew it was big.

When something positive happens we should feel good, right?

But sometimes we don't. Sometimes we immediately start thinking something will go wrong now - this good thing won't last or we can't get this lucky without something bad happening next (this one is often the unconscious belief of money in/ money out people) or whatever thoughts come up for us that turn some positive happening into a negative emotion (and we don't want this remember those neuropeptides!).

Self sabotage will probably show up in our business lives as one side of the polarities of procrastination vs rushing things, non action vs nonstop action, perfectionism vs sloppiness, not being able to make a decision vs split second decisions we regret, distractability vs unnecessary focus on minor details, overcharging vs. undercharging, hoarding vs releasing too much -

basically extremes in our behavior based in fear that screw things up for us (if self worth is a very big issue or if we are very young, sometimes before we even really get started, but most often when we reach an unconscious upper limit ceiling).

This is the stuff that happens when we lose a bunch of weight and feel really good and start getting more attention ... and then it starts to feel totally weird. So we go to the fridge and eat a gallon of ice cream.

1. Look for recurring patterns in your life. These patterns may not show up in the same area of our life every time. They may happen all at once or many years apart. They may not look like they have anything to do with our self worth or our business or our money - it doesn't matter, just look for patterns.

2. Talk about these patterns out loud and listen to our language - the words we choose to use to explain things matters, a lot.

3.  If you are interested check the astrological houses and see if there is a connection with these patterns there that might be helpful to think about

4. We know ourselves better than anyone else does - where do we think these patterns come from? 

The first work toward releasing any kind of pattern is forgiveness and compassion; toward the people and situations in our past and most importantly toward ourselves.

For my job loss situation in Part I - I was mighty pissed at the injustice of the situation. I was mad I didn't get the closure I wanted and I wanted justice. When I ran into another fired ex-banker who was so angry and depressed and talking about her situation that had occurred the year before as if it had occurred yesterday, I knew life was showing me my future. I knew I wasn't going to get justice from a lawsuit. I knew the only person who could give me justice was me.

So, I looked for patterns. I listened to my language about "justice" and "closure" - I thought about other times people and situations were unjust to me, other times I faced abrupt endings without closure. I made a list. I took the time to think about each situation and person. I forgave the people connected to the current situation and all the past situations. I forgave myself.

My mantra became the powerful mantra  Ho'oponopono Hawaiian practice of forgiveness and reconciliation:

"I am sorry. Please forgive me. I love you. Thank you. "

We say "I'm sorry" because we acknowledge our part in what is happening - trust me we do not draw big experiences without being a vibrational match for them and we become a vibrational match by agreeing to the experience (often at an unconscious level). We say "Please forgive me" because forgiveness works to release us from the energy of a memory. We say "I love you" because love is all there is and we say "Thank you" because we are truly grateful for the growth the experience gives us.

If you want to work with a Goddess on compassion - an excellent Goddess is Kuan Yin. You can say "Kuan Yin, please help me to show compassion and forgiveness with this situation!"

Note - when seeking Goddesses it helps to expect them.

It helps to soften our gaze so we might detect a slight movement in the shadows, a minute heaviness in the air around us, a breeze across our shoulders in a closed space or odd alertness in our body as though someone was standing right next to us. Trust that she is there. Just one world away from us really - nodding, prodding, laughing and encouraging.

Next up Part III why our money mindset matters - more actions to increase our self worth so our business draws the stuff we want to line up with (and I will connect this back to why it's easier to build a business if we need the money but not if we really need the money in the final part V)

Forgiveness work is a life long process. We don't have to forgive something 100% for the energy to shift and change to happen or none of us would ever move forward. Life is like a spiral and as we move up the spiral we encounter the same sticky points again and again until we clear them. This is totally OK and the way this stuff works.

why our money mindset matters (we can't draw to ourselves more than we think we are worth) - part I

Prior to making stuff for a living, I worked in a bank.

I started as a bank teller with $100 in the bank and owed $100 on a Stern's (now Macy's) credit card and left 10 years later as a vice president with $10,000 in the bank and owed $10,000 on a Citibank credit card.

I was really good at helping other people make and save and grow their money, but for me - the money came in, the money went out.

Now I always had enough money (we did buy a house somewhere in there, took our daughter to Disney World a couple times, yada yada). Hubs and I never had to fight over money (which is one of the main things couples fight about and probably one of the reasons we are still together) although I had been known to remove a price tag or two (or twenty) in secret.

I thought I had good money karma/luck - the money always came in just before I needed it. But, I always needed it.

It didn't stick. 

(imagine duct tape covered with sweater lint here, but maybe not if you are eating your lunch)

Being sticky was not really on my radar. My money mindset was all about flow.

I saw money through two lenses - the lens of spirit; money as energy that needs to moving, no need to hold onto it, there is always enough for me and the lens of the bank where money comes in as deposits and moves out as loans and money is made on the difference in interest between deposits and loans and on the float.

(note - this isn't how banks make money now unfortunately, now things are a lot more risky)

I thought these lenses (is this the plural of lens - this looks so wrong) were working well for me until right around the time of my first Saturn Return - KABOOM. CRASH. JOB GONE.

Now this kaboom, crash thing that sounded like life as I knew it hitting the floor and felt like a tractor trailer to my ego wasn't really out of the blue at all. I knew I was burned out. I knew my astrology chart. I had been doing the Course in Miracles. I had been asking life to find the quickest path for me to get on about the business I was here for. I wanted to be happy. I knew I was doing exactly the kind of shit that changes things.

Once I lost my job I had no more money coming in, but I still had that pesky need to cover the money going out. 

I started manifesting on the outside what I had been creating on the inside for years by giving more than I was getting.

(note - when we request help or guidance from spirit it is not incorrect to imagine the Goddesses jumping about and shouting "Oh, YES, now we've got a project!")

Everything that happens is a reflection of what we believe about ourselves. We cannot draw to ourselves more than we think we are worth. We cannot outperform our level of self esteem.

I wasn't so much pissed that life kicked me in the ass as I was totally awed by the serendipity that created complete and total change. Actually, to be honest I was pissed, too.

(maybe I should rate this post R for Cat can't stop cursing today)

Technically I quit my job. In reality I signed a resignation letter human resources had prepared for me to sign in lieu of them firing me. I hired an employment lawyer and thought I would "sue the bastards" (I did rate this post R, remember). Then I unexpectedly ran into (more Goddess magic, no doubt) a woman who had been fired from the bank the year before. She was still angry and bitter and out of work. I didn't want that to be me. I un-hired the lawyer.

I also knew that this change was created by me. Even if it looked like "they did me wrong" to the outside world.

At the time I blamed burn out (and there was truth to that), but greater forces were at play here.

I was about to step into a new position within the bank that was highly visible. I had been promoted many times and always done well; leaning in to new positions, doing what had to be done, yada, yada - been there done that.

I had always worked with wealthy people. I had always worked for them in a service position though, even as a bank manager. This new position involved playing golf and having dinner with very wealthy clients, schmoozing them (can anyone really imagine me schmoozing) and becoming a peer to the bank's most senior management. When they looked at me they saw a peer because they were only seeing my outside. My inside was just a poor girl from the sticks in New Jersey. My inside didn't match my outside anymore. Something had to give.

For this promotion I would have had to outperform my own level of self esteem, which is something I now believe is just not possible.

Most people at this point get sick or self sabotage. It doesn't look like these things are conscious creations because we do this stuff unconsciously - we literally have to, we can't live with the split.

Monica Lewinsky didn't destroy Bill Clinton's reputation - his being required to outperform his self esteem did.

Self sabotage is a tricky beast because it doesn't always show up right away and it's not always easy to see the connection between what we think we want (that our self esteem is not lining up with) and the actions we are taking. A lot of people self sabotage themselves right now with the self defeating behavior of internet surfing (looking here, there and everywhere and never getting anything done). The lack of motivation and focus that are often at the center of depression have their roots in our self esteem, too (depression is the shadow side of creation, so listen up makers).

There are actionable things I have done for this (and continue to do, life is a process and I definitely don't have it all figured out) that work for me - they include forgiveness exercises, EFT, money releases, changing money habits, boundaries, the "who do we think we are stuff", astrology and more - so next post actionable stuff we can do to get our inner self to line up with the outer self we are reaching for.

(note - doing the exercises changes the outer self, too - sometimes the things we think we want are not really the stuff we are wanting)

next up Part II why our money mindset matters - taking action to increase our self worth so we draw the stuff we want to line up with (and Part III will tie this back into our businesses and why needing money is a good thing for makers)

why it's easier to build a business when you need the money, but not when you REALLY need the money

When I was in banking the banks in my county would bid annually on the county's surrogate account money. This was money the surrogate court was holding for people who had inheritances, lawsuits, winnings, etc when the money had to be held in trust for them for some reason.

One year we won the bidding war and our bank got to invest this money, which was tens of millions of dollars, and my branch got to open and service these accounts.

We quickly noticed no matter how much investment advice and money counseling we offered the people who were receiving regular payouts from inheritances and lawsuits, they (I don't mean anyone with mental or physical disabilities here) often did not make a move to move on with their lives until their money was completely gone.

Faced with monthly statements showing their declining balances, people still had to be dead broke with the sheriff holding an eviction notice at the front door before they could wake up to the fact these payments were over. It was time to get a job.

This isn't about laziness. Sometimes we need our backs against the wall so we have something to push off against.

It works the same when we are building a business. It is hard to build a business we will care about if we do not need money because every business requires us to do stuff we don't want to do.

But it is even harder to build a business if we REALLY need the money because our decisions will be skewed by the money - it's too easy to lose track of the fact our business has to be about the value we bring to other people before that value comes back to us in the form of dollar signs in our bank account.

So, I'm going to start a new series about money and our businesses next week.

And I will be back tomorrow with my take on the Virgo Full Moon we get to experience this weekend. xo all

5 ways to create more good for ourselves - tying this stuff into our business

I think people and situations come to us to play out in front of us the energy we are carrying. We can literally look at everything in our lives as manifesting the energies we carry. 

We carry this energy through our beliefs.

Changing our beliefs is at the root of changing how things are working in our life.

This is how good stuff takes us to more good stuff and bad stuff can lead us quickly to everything falling apart.

(especially if we have spent many years and probably many lifetimes creating keyholes for the belief that creates the emotion that feels "I am not safe" - this is the real meaning of karma - the reaping what we sow and repeating what we sow labeling of a feeling) 

This is why affirmations work for some people but not others. Speaking positive words and writing positive words and hearing positive words changes the space we occupy. But we can move out of that space very quickly

(think about how we can be in a great mood and then someone cuts us off in traffic and we get mad, instantly - unconsciously flashing to all the other times in our life where someone has gotten ahead of us or been faster than us or something has just come out of nowhere and put us in our place)

if that space does not line up with our beliefs.

I know makers who have literally put themselves out of business by following the advice to double their prices. Not because this is bad advice (although sometimes it is) and not because there aren't customers for their new price range but because they themselves didn't line up with their new prices!

(and I am not saying that people who make and sell more expensive items have different beliefs than people who sell inexpensive items, but if the earring fits ... )

So, to create more good for ourselves we are 1. telling our stories in the best way possible, 2. focusing on how we want to feel, 3. meditating and 4. celebrating - how does this stuff look within our business?

#1. We stop comparing our work to anyone else's work - we stop comparing our business to anyone else's business. There is not a competition going on here (and we would be comparing our inside to someone else's outside anyway).

We are all here for different things (and none of us are here to make jewelry or sweaters, trust me) - we have all been through different things - we all have different ways of looking at the world.

And the world we are seeing is manifested just for us based on the energy we are carrying.

I see the world through the lens of mythology. There was no way I would have ever given my mother the satisfaction of saying I Love Jesus, but I would have felt perfectly comfortable making her perfectly uncomfortable by talking about Athena and Lilith.

Myth is social instruction. It's story that gets handed down through the generations to teach us how to be good members of the collective. So, it's about teaching people how to behave or not behave which is why although I embrace it, I am also a little suspicious of it, too ...

(I have found the archetypes based on the myths to be as real as rain though)

We don't complain about customers, ever. It is really weird to me when people go on Facebook and complain about their customers. People who do this all the time are not doing themselves any favors. They will just be attracting, through their attention to these stories, more and more of these problem customers right into their businesses.

For the rest of us, they are doing us a favor because we get to feel how much we appreciate our own customers.

All business owners see the truth of this - we have all had that problem customer situation where everything goes wrong - first something happens and we ship late, then we realize something is wrong with what we have shipped, so we email the customer to explain and we call them Shirley instead of Susan. Ouch.

Everything goes from bad to worse. 

No doubt the customer is late ordering for the birthday of someone they don't even want to shop for - this energy lines up with our distracted energy, even if we have had 100 perfect transactions that day that didn't, and we have a catastrophe in the making. Of course, if we eventually handle this situation well, that extreme energy will flip to the other extreme and the customer will become a loyal buyer for life.

The key is to be languaging any problem as a problem situation never as a problem customer.

We are not dealing with a problem customer, since there is no such thing, just a problem situation or even better a challenging situation. This way of thinking makes all the difference to the final outcome.

We tell the best stories about our business. If we can't tell good stories- we just shut up.

#2  We focus on the feel good emotions. We make a list of how we want our business to make us feel - why are we doing this thing we are doing?

Our list might include : proud, organized, responsible, independent, creative, collaborative, abundant, etc.

We read this list everyday focusing on feeling the emotion - we can just make stuff up that we need to in order to feel these emotions - studies show our brains can't tell the difference.

#3. We meditate. If we go to the post office and find - surprise, surprise - there is no line and we are in and out - close your eyes in the car and sit for 10 minutes. Waiting for our modgepodge to dry? Good time to meditate. Downloading a report, printing labels, about to make an important phone call - tell your brain "I'm not going to need you for a few minutes, my friend" and shut it down.

#4. Celebrate the good stuff - don't wait for the good stuff to happen. This is about being, not doing. Celebrate the good stuff that is coming and the good stuff we already have. Last night I celebrated my bills.

(yes, those things I used to toss on the backseat of my car and forget to pay)

I celebrated life's belief in my future earning ability. I celebrated my ability to stay open to new avenues and new ideas for abundance. I celebrated the business I have built here based on my collaboration with the companies I am now paying.

I wrote the checks with my favorite pen, used the magical new Harry Potter stamps

(yes, I request my post office order me the special stamps collectors get and then I use them)

thanked the electric company for my lights and the cable company for my beloved internet and celebrated with a vanilla soy candle and 2 episodes of Downton Abbey.

I have some astrological happening to post about - hopefully I will get that post up before the weekend. xo all

5 ways to create more good for ourselves - #4 celebrate the small stuff

Creating and celebrating the good stuff presents more and more opportunities to practice gratitude.

If we could practice gratitude at all times - we would be a superwoman who made our desires manifest almost instantly. If you do not believe this, practice feeling gratitude as often as possible for a while and see for yourself what happens.

It's not possible to feel grateful without feeling good.

We can feel grateful for feeling good (ie things are going our way, our bodies are healthy, etc) or we can work from the even more powerful space of feeling good by way of feeling grateful.

So, let's say we have made the decision to eat healthier and then - we eat a doughnut.

(why is spell check not allowing me to spell this glazed devil "donut" - I guess donut is just a dunkin' thing - how have I forgotten this?)

But let's say before we decided to eat healthier we would have chowed down on 3 doughnuts.

Well, we know from science that beating our self up is not a good thing. If we personalize our feelings and beliefs we are investing them with too much emotional power and our brain will be flooding our body with neuropeptides on the search for cells with keyholes labeled "I screwed up".

(this is what karma really is - the belief we put on that emotion so we can be sure we reap what we sow and so we can be sure we repeat what we sow - our beliefs create both)

Once we start feeling grateful for the little things we once called "not enough" ie - "I'm so grateful for the willpower to stop at one doughnut, YAY FOR ME" - we will know we are doing enough because we are choosing to feel grateful.

Quantum science (and spirituality) tells us that giving  and receiving are really the exact same experience - they are just being viewed from two different perspectives. It's the same with all kinds of contrast.

We can even find gratitude in things we previously would have labeled "yuck" because it is the "yuck" we don't want that teaches us what we do want - this is a planet where we evolve from contrast after all. We get to make our own rules with this.

Now the step after feeling grateful is to feel great (full of great actually) - so we celebrate it. 

It's best if we have someone (or a whole lot of someones) in our life we can opening brag about ourselves to - without having to apologize or toss in statements of humility. Humility can be a good thing, but for this exercise we are giving humility the boot (grab your Uggs and give him one of those drop kick corner moves we learned in soccer). If we do not have this someone, we can totally brag to ourselves, or our pets, I brag to Olive. 

When I started this blog I planned to document the growth of my business along with the growth of my puppy. But I started thinking that no one would want to read about all the good stuff that happened - that I would be bragging. I thought it would be funnier to write/whine about the "bad" stuff and it was and so I did .. until I found myself looking for stuff to whine about and then more and more whine-worthy stuff started happening to me (I tried to think of this as wine-worthy stuff - since I need the corks and all, but it got harder and harder) - I realized this was not a good thing for me to be creating.

I have found a good way to celebrate is to make myself a list of rewards (3 hours at the library, 2 episodes of Downton, a movie in the middle of the day, the beach for 3 hours, a long soak, etc)

and celebrate the thing I am grateful for.

We are totally allowed to trick our self with this stuff - this isn't about earning rewards.

(school's out folks)

This is about choosing to celebrate what we are grateful for.

When my daughter was little we had all kinds of celebrations that we no longer have. Just last month both hubs and my birthdays passed almost unnoticed (by us - this isn't about other people - we were sick at the time, but we told ourselves we would party later and now we are 30 days later and still haven't celebrated). We need to take celebrating seriously if we want to see some serious results from it. I am ordering the party hats.

There are more ideas for celebrating HERE.

Up next part 5 - how to tie all this stuff into our business (yes, I sometimes remember this is a business blog) xo all

more reasons you should be meditating - plus sex advice, parenting advice and something sticky hits the wall

 

I was going to move this series on to 'celebrate good times'

(and if I just put that awesome Kool and the Gang song in your head .. you're welcome .. and if I didn't, here it is)

but I think I need another post about meditation. Because some people read the words "you should be meditating" and what they hear is "this is one more thing you need to do, why aren't you doing this - you loser you".

(and now that I write "this is one more thing you need to do" I am thinking about sex. If you are married as long as I am Dear Reader you might remember a time - maybe when your kids were little, maybe when you were working a lot, maybe last week -  when sex was the last thing on your mind, but maybe it wasn't the last thing on Mr. Reader's mind - and of course, this scenario works equally well in reverse, if you, Dear Reader are the Mr. Reader.

It sort of felt like one more thing someone wanted you to do when you just wanted/needed to go to sleep. And Mr. Reader would get annoyed or resentful because often men get mad instead of sad. 

Well, if you are lucky enough to still be together many years later this whole thing might have reversed itself on you - which is actually kind of cool in a way because Mr. Reader gets to experience how it feels to have one more thing someone wants him to do when he is exhausted and learn that he actually wasn't being rejected at all and you get to see that his annoyance was actually hurt feelings and understand that yes, in fact, you were rejecting him because that is exactly how you feel now. 

Not that this ever happens to hubs and me, of course, but if it happens to you and especially if you are in Act 1 of this little play, it is something to think about; a new way of thinking about what the other person is actually experiencing - just don't think about it while you are meditating.)

Back to this meditation message - it can be annoying. I get it. Because when I am meditating I can't believe I ever let my practice slip ... and then I let my practice slip.

I don't think that will happen this time though - I think my practice is really sticky this time. It's meditate or medicate this time.

(remember those things we threw on the wall as kids and they slithered down the wall, sticky like that - and if you are thinking I mean slinkys, I do not mean slinkys, I mean the sticky, gummy things not the metal spiral things but if you were throwing your slinkys against the wall - you really need to be meditating, so listen up)

One of the ways you will know you need to meditate is when you start doing some really inefficient unconscious meditating.

This is otherwise known as "spacing out".

You drive to work and do not remember those last 11 miles or you find your car keys in the freezer next to your wallet or you intend to drive to the post office and end up 5 miles past the post office before you realize what you are doing.

If you are absent minded, spacey or confused - get yourself to a meditation cushion now.

You are full. You need to release all the stuff you are carrying; the stuff that has glommed onto you from other people and plenty of your own stuff, too. Meditation will release this stuff for you. I promise.

(someone recently said to me "I keep releasing, releasing, releasing, when do I get to keep anything?" Ha! She cracked me up - then I said "Oh really, what exactly have you released?" And she proceeded to tell me about the closets she'd emptied and the attic she cleaned out. And I said, "Great!" then I said, because I know she is very vocal about her grown son making choices she does not agree with, "releasing is also about letting go of trying to control people and letting go is about accepting other people's choices" - she got quiet, then told me she had some more closets to empty ... which is OK, of course, everything in its own time - this is a process and creating physical space is always a good thing.)

HERE are 20 more reasons to meditate.

Nemetona is the Celtic Goddess who protected ancient ceremonial sites. We can connect with her energy to build an altar in our home; a little place of retreat and refuge for yourself ....

5 ways to create more good for ourselves - #3 necessary stillness

I have meditated on and off since high school. I think the times I was meditating I was more awake. 

(it may seem like it is harder to live our lives awake until we think through the alternative : we are asleep and life wakes us up - not like a mother who whispers "rise and shine sweetie" - this mother throws open the blinds and yanks the blanket, tumbling us out of bed and on to the cold hardwood floor, she doesn't even offer up a boo-boo kiss, she just strides out of the room - life is one tough love mama ... ouch)

My usual pattern is I get busy with work and outer stuff (trying to control the stuff I can't control, but I seem firmly committed to not understanding this) and stop meditating. I lose my connection to the big picture. I lose my connection with myself (which is the same thing). Then something happens to wake me up - something challenging happens. Almost always something that slows me down; sometimes something that stops me in my tracks.

Then like the prodigal son I come back.

Meditation is a practice. It's not something that works for other people, but not for us. It's like exercise - it can't work for us if we don't practice, but if we do practice it can't not work for us.

Stillness connects us to our higher self/the Universe/God/the Goddess (pick your comfort zone) - not that we are ever not connected, but sometimes the connection gets foggy.

I also find that stillness allows me to let go of refined flours and sugars. This sounds like a physical thing (and it is partly), but it’s really about vibration. Nothing fogs things up so fast as white flour and white sugar. The first thing that happens to me when I fall off the wagon and stop meditating is I start eating this crap again. I am sure this is a fear reaction to life requiring more of me. It is easier to just play small.

Over the holidays, I was listening to Decisive - the Chip and Dan Heath book about better decision making. It was very good, but made me wonder if they would have come to a different conclusion about the true value of intuition if they had been working with people who meditate regularly.

This is not hard stuff. It is not easy stuff either.

Dr. Wilder Penfield (is this the best name ever?!) is a famous Canadian neurosurgeon. His research discovered the brain's sensory and motor cortex and more. During his studies he found the area in our brains where decisions are carried out. He got very excited. He thought he would next discover the part of our brain where decisions are made. He never found it. Instead, he found there is no part of our brain where decisions are made.

So, how is this possible? We know we make decisions every day, every minute of every day in fact. Apparently our brain and our body are amazing tools for executing decisions, but not making them.

There must be a nonphysical "us" that does the decision making (this is a really powerful thing to know if we beat ourselves up over taking the 'wrong' action and if we are continually searching for that magical set of actions that will make everything work) - this is the part of us we get to meet when we meditate.

Get yourself a timer/stopwatch app for your phone or Kindle, an egg timer or just set your oven timer (start with 5 minutes in the morning and work up to 20 minutes once a day or 15 minutes twice a day - by the time you are up to 15 minutes, you will want to do this twice a day, trust me).

Dedicate a space to this. It's a practice and you need room to practice. Get yourself a yoga mat or sit in a special chair. Make the practice a ritual. Light a candle, darken the room. I have a space in my bedroom and I open the bedroom window while I make the bed to bring in some fresh air. Then I close the window, light the candle and just do it. When you get centered every animal in your house will be climbing all over you - ignore them. If you have young children, you will have to get up before them or they will be drawn to your stillness like a magnet (or a magnetic locket - warning shameless plug ahead - have you seen this). 

I think you can do the Chopra 21 Day Challenge anytime or go to Hayhouse and find a guided meditation you like or go to YouTube and click around until you find something you like. If you are already meditating there is a great 7 Steps to Rebirth meditation by Doris Eliana Cohen.

Most days I just start with relaxing my toes and work my way up to my head - saying to myself "my toes are relaxed", "my ankles are relaxed", etc ending with "I am relaxed" then focus on my breathing until my timer goes off. When thoughts intrude I just let them float away. Some days I do guided meditations.

The more we practice the better we get at listening to our gut and instincts. We will fool ourselves into doing things that make us feel badly much less often because we will be more in tune with our beliefs, our true nature and how we really feel.

We won't be saying stuff like "I don't know what I want to do when I grow up" or "I could have what I want if I could only figure out what I want", anymore. This kind of foggy energy will not be available to us - we will start getting clear (the clarity may not immediately or ever really answer these questions, this is a practice and a process after all, but the thing we should be doing right now will become clear and that's all we need anyway).

So, we are telling our stories in the best way possible, we are focused on how we want to feel, we are meditating ....

next up Part IV - the value of celebrating

5 ways to create more good for ourselves - #2 focus on our thoughts and especially on how we want to feel

Candace Pert was a neuroscientist (she passed away a few months ago) whose amazing career included two excellent books "Molecules of Emotion: Why You Feel the Way You Feel," with Deepak Chopra and "Everything You Need to Know to Feel Good".

In the early 90's while serving as the chief molecular biologist at the National Institutes of Health she made an amazing discovery that thoughts are real, physical things.

She found that every thought we have (and emotion it produces) has a unique neuropeptide associated with it. Our body produces that unique neuropeptide every time we think that particular thought and experience that particular emotion. These neuropeptides are amino acids produced by the hypothalamus (the control center) in our brain.

Every time we think a thought our hypothalamus translates the thought into billions of neuropeptides that are uniquely associated with the feeling we experience by that thought. Our bloodstream is just flooded with this stuff. 

These billions of neuropeptides join with our cells by inserting themselves into a special receptical in each cell's membrane - just like a key fitting into a lock.

Each neuropeptide receptacle on a cell's membrane is designed to fit just that one particular peptide and no other. So once that neuropeptide finds the right receptacle it gets absorbed into the cell (the cell that literally creates our physical body).

Dr. Pert discovered that over time our cells develop more and more unique receptacles based on the neuropeptides they are most frequently capturing. Our cells even begin to crave these familiar neuropeptides (the ones they have built those unique recepticals to receive). Our cells start telling our hypothalamus to produce these particular peptides because we have developed an actual physical need for them.

So, our cells are not craving stuff that feels good (meaning good thoughts and good emotions) - our cells are craving thoughts and emotions that are familiar.

This gives the need for us to "focus on the feelings we want to have" a whole other impetus. It also helps to explain how focusing on how we want to feel rather than focusing on what we want to get actually works.

(also the law of attraction which is much, much bigger than The Secret and operates more like a tuning fork with like attracting like)

Focusing on a goal always brings up resistant thoughts - Why aren't I there yet? Why don't I have that yet? Why does she have that and I don't? What if I don't get it? What if this never happens for me? This is the "what we resist persists" problem with attracting what we want.

Focusing on a goal also requires us to actually have a goal in the first place which means we have to know what we want which is the place we might get stuck because we often don't know what we want in the first place.

Luckily, we don't have to know what we want. We only have to know how we want to feel and all of us, every single one of us already knows that. We just have to get our hypothalamus to start creating the right neuropeptides and our cells to start producing the right keyholes!

Now our cells may have had decades creating all these keyholes for chaos and shame and fear and guilt and grief, but we can start building new keyholes today - right this minute. We can start focusing on how we want to feel (regardless of what is happening in our lives) today.

How might this work? Well, let's say we have a goal of making more money, but we can't really see how we can do this or what this would actually look like. So, we don't worry about that part (worry thoughts will just produce worry keyholes in our cells and we will literally become made of worry).

If we want to attract more money we think about the feelings that extra money would bring us which could be : safety or freedom or joy or peace or being loved or cherished or attention (which I've heard is the number one thing women want from men) or appreciation (which I've heard is the number one thing men want from women) or some other thing or all of these things.

We make a list of the emotions we want to feel.

(always write lists out by hand and use script since there is more energy in our physical makings and more fluid movement with script writing - I have heard some schools are no longer teaching script - maybe they have forgotten we all need to be able to sign our names and our unique signatures come from writing script letters a hundred, gazillion times)

We spend time each day with this list feeling each emotion. 

We think about things we have experienced before or we just make stuff up - our body doesn't know the difference. We just feel what it feels like to be secure - to have enough money that we can take care of everything we need to take care of easily. We feel what it feels like to be happy and joyful. We dance around our studios and bedrooms and kitchens. We breathe deeply from our bellies with this stuff.

We also notice when we feel these emotions throughout the day (and we will start feeling them more and more) and we savor them.We don't wait for something to happen to feel a good emotion, we just feel them for no outside reason at all.

(think about that Meg Ryan diner scene in When Harry Met Sally, you know the one I mean, we need to really savor these emotions that we want to feel - other people will just want some of what we are having)

When we notice a negative thought coming in - we catch it before it produces the negative emotion. We let that thought go - we replace it with another thought - one that produces the emotion we want to build keyholes for-

the kind of emotion we want to feed our body; the kind of emotion we want our bodies, and lives, to be created from; the kind of emotion we want to attract more of.

(yes, I'm dangling participles all over the place - ignore this)

Now, again this isn't about pouring pink paint over our problems and pretending they don't exist (as Marianne Williamson says) - sometimes we are going to get mad or feel overwhelmed or sad or scared - once the thought has brought on the emotion, we let our bodies feel it, then we let it go - breath it out with a pulse breath.

We move on to a better thought and an emotion we want to have. We let our bodies chow down on that.

I turned my entire life around very quickly many years ago with just this step and meditation. I have gotten out of practice but am back on the wagon .. will report on what develops.

next up part #3 necessary stillness

back step (but not in a fancy "let's tango" kind of way)

OK I had a couple people email me about my post yesterday - they didn't like what I was saying and thought it was the opposite of the stuff I usually say.

Most likely I didn't say it very well. Let me try again - let me say it like this.

I am not saying we shouldn't do the thing that will make us happy. I am only saying we do not know for sure what that thing is.

What I am saying is we should do the thing we want to do.

I am saying the thing we want to do is the thing we should do. There is no thing we want to do and thing we should do that are different. I am saying these things are always the same thing.

The thing we should do is always the thing we want to do - this is how we live authentically.

There is no guarantee this thing will make us happy though ...

also my post on Create and Thrive on How to Get Unstuck is up today and HERE

Happy weekend all - please don't think SNOW ... think GREEN (as in grass and money and sustainable living) ....

(The example someone emailed me yesterday was that she would rather read a book on her Kindle than do her dishes so am I saying she should not do the dishes? My thinking with this is - if we want to read a book on our Kindle we should read a book on our Kindle - at some point the dirty dishes will begin to make us feel yucky and we will want to do them. So, that's when we do them.

If we don't want to get up and go to work in the morning, but we know that not going will make us feel worse than going - then going to work is the thing we should do and it's also the thing we want to do. We are just used to thinking of it as the thing we have to do, but it's really not any less the thing we want to do ... and thinking of it as the thing we want to do instead of the thing we have to do is what changes everything.)

5 ways to create more good for ourselves - #1 tell the best possible story ....

Since hubs and my dinner last Christmas when I realized our entire conversation was comprised of problems, bad news and complaints - I have been determined to change the way I am framing the things that are going on and the way I am verbalizing this stuff in conversation with other people and Olive, of course, and especially in my own head.

I deleted the old Whining Wednesday link from my blog header (sniffle) and have been paying greater attention to my language.  

This has resulted in me saying a lot less - probably not a bad thing. Although no one has noticed. I haven't had anyone ask, "hey Cat, cat got your tongue?" ... yet.

I know that my words and thoughts influence my actions and outcomes, but I still find it challenging sometimes to practice what I know.

(There are quantum experiments with accuracy within 1/100 of a decimal point illustrating that there is no such thing as a detached observer. We all grew up with the scientific method where we watched and recorded, but quantum physics tells us that this isn't possible. The observer is actually a direct participant in all that is being observed and outcomes are effected and even created by the observer's expectations.)

The fact that our expectations and beliefs literally create the world around us is a huge shift in the way most of us have been taught to think the world works.

The first tool I have been using in working with my expectations is to tell the best possible story.

This doesn't mean pouring pink paint on problems and pretending they don't exist, but the truth is that while something is happening we can rarely know for certain that it even is a problem. It can be painful, yes, but we have all had events happen that we interpreted as "bad" at the time, but later, in retrospect, we can see things that were actually good about what happened, sometimes even very good and usually we can see things weren't nearly as bad as we thought they were at the time.

Telling the best possible story is easier when you remember the story of the farmer whose horse runs away (I 'm sure you've heard this one, but in case you haven't I'm going to give it a go) and his neighbors all come around and say "this is such bad luck that your horse ran away" and the farmer says "bad luck, good luck, who knows" and then his horse comes back and brings 2 other horses with her and the neighbors come back, too and this time they say "this is such good luck that your horse came back and now you have 3 horses" and the farmer, of course says "good luck, bad luck, who knows" then his son breaks his leg riding one of the horses and you know what the neighbors say next and then war breaks out and his son, the one with the broken leg, is the only young man in town to survive the war ... you get the picture with this.

It is sometimes hard to know what is good or bad while we are in the middle of something, so rather than rushing to label something as bad, rather than judging it - we find a way to tell a good story about things as much as possible. The frame we put around the things we choose to think and talk about is up to us. And the frame matters.

Science is now proving that by looking for ways to feel as good as possible about the people, places, things and circumstances in our life - we are literally creating more good for ourselves. This isn't about pushing down bad feelings, but re-languaging what is happening is very powerful stuff. I have already been seeing myself getting luckier as a result of small changes with this.

So, maybe the next time you go to lunch with someone or out for coffee - choose the direction the conversation flows deliberately - see if there is a way for you to tell the best possible story about the things you are talking about.

#2 focus on how we want to feel, not what we want to get (next post)

One thing I wanted to say about the advice I offer on this blog. I am an expert in exactly one thing - myself (and my expertise is called into question on that all the time ...). I know for certain that each of us is different and each of us is here for different things. One person really needs to step on to the stage and one person really needs to go to the back of the line and these people could be the same person at different points in her life. So, if something here doesn't resonate with you, just let it go. I think, for me, my basic human nature is not so optimistic so this is a learned thing for me; something I have to continually work at. It may be your basic nature to tell the stories with the least amount of judgement already, so just keep telling them ...