It's Whining Wednesday

Maybe if I set aside one day a week to whine, I really will become the glass half-full kind of girl that I've always wanted to be (they live longer) for the rest of the week ...

1. First whine- the plumbing in my house stinks. One faucet after another has started to drip, one toilet handle after another is not even jiggle-able anymore. Handy hubby told me this morning to flush the downstairs toilet "very slowly".

When we first bought this house- we were just so happy to be out of our crappy apartment and excited that someone would actually sell us a house that we overlooked a few things.

I remember the realtor turning on every faucet, smiling that happy realtor (ka-ching) kind of smile and handy hubby and I (he was handy boyfriend in those days) smiling and nodding as if we had never lived in a place with running water before.

Later, George and I had a good laugh about happy realtor's faucet olympics - but now that I can appreciate the beauty in a sink that doesn't have an endless parade of potted plants sitting in it to catch the drips, I miss those days when we were young and stupid

(and had empty sinks and toilets that could be flushed fast and thoughtlessly like they are supposed to be)

2. 2nd Whine- someone stole gas from my car in my driveway and no one believes me about this.

My proof of this is:

1. I put gasoline into my tank
2. I went to sleep
3. I woke up to no gasoline in my tank

(and I think, even on my most distracted mornings, I would notice a 10 gallon puddle of Amoco unleaded in my driveaway)

But apparently this is all something I must have imagined because after hubby analyzed my gas cap for "pry marks" - and found none

(and I was unable to produce a gas receipt, although I am left asking what kind of man would even ask his wife for such a thing- where did the trust go?)

he did, of course, find some orange paint on my side mirror and asked who I'd hit - assuming that I had hit someone and not that someone had hit me (this paint is actually from a very poorly placed pole outside of a drive thru window that I had hit, but his assumption totally irked me and so I said)

"it must have been the gas thief"

as you can imagine, this line has now become the family joke line and every misplaced set of keys and sunglasses is blamed on the "gas thief"

so, anyhoo, yesterday I decided to talk to a NJ State Trooper about this (our town has no police department, that's right, no police- probably the main reason for the rise of gas thievery in our driveways) and a small handful of state troopers have moved into the municipal building across the street from our house.

The trooper looked at me a bit strangely (hubby may have been giving her a cuckoo hand signal behind my back, although he denies this) and said that maybe it was "a friend playing a joke"

which is totally ridiculous because

1. I don't have any friends

and

2. if I did, they would be the kind of friends to autograph my side walls with deep key scratches not steal gasoline because they know how much I dislike the oil companies

Well, I could whine all day, but I am off to Home Depot to buy a new toilet handle and ... of course, I have to get gas first.

Weekend Wheezing, Whispering and What Nots

So, I am sick ... again ... - my immune system which kept me from even having a sniffle last year must have taken that road-trip that I never got to take and crashed somewhere between Jersey and North Carolina.

At least yesterday I managed to put my t-shirt on right side out (better than Thursday when I found myself in line at the post office at 4:30 in the afternoon with little inverted seams running down both my arms and my care instruction tag standing straight up at my hairline)

but looking at the bright side

(I have always been a glass half-full kind of girl ... really)

I got a second day's wear out of that t-shirt because the day I wore it inside out doesn't count, right?

So anyhoo, I spent quite a few hours last night catching up with the Dog Whisperer and am more convinced than ever that Cesar is more wizard than whisperer.

Somehow in the twenty minutes he gets between Cialis commercials Cesar can transform a destructive pooch who has eaten enough end tables to poop out a Raymour & Flannigan showroom into a calm submissive furball who not only ignores the sofa but has also prepared the evening meal.

(from scratch)

I lay in bed with a few happy delusions of having Cesar whisper to Olive and of me running with my pack (ie little pup Olive) through the streets like Cesar does, but without her usual erratic, paranoid behavior that always makes me feel like the Lynn Spears of dog mommies.

Olive watches me watching Cesar from her hidden perch under George's pillow and I can see in her little eyes just what she thinks about that.

(you's the one needs the whispering, Cat)

So back to the web and even in my Airborne and Cold-Eeze induced stupor I actually found some amazing stuff that I don't think you're gonna want to live without knowing about.

Love boots and dresses when the weather gets cold and how awesome are the finds at Sundance


Drinking glasses that fit together to tell a story and look as cool on your shelf as they do on your table.


Isn't this just the best bumpersticker ever!



The staggering amount of work that goes into these wood paintings by Faile make me glad I'm already lying down.

Fleurfatale's beautiful twining leaves ring.


The stunning photography of Portland photographer The House of Six Cats (and Bill has a locket).

SaltandPaper's adorable little modern - vintage earring sets.

Karina Marusinska's ceramic spice cup flowers - love these - very Martha.

Have you seen the 2010 Olympic Gold Medals - they won't be giving them out in Chicago anytime soon but at least they will be made from recycled circuit boards!

My new favorite bathroom tiles- how cool are these- bubbles without the formaldehyde-forming substances and cancer-causing nitrosamines found in those fragrant bubble bath products.

It's Like We Don't Even Know Each Other ... or let's see how many times I can use the words like and all in the same post

So hubby goes out last night and spends about 3 hours driving from Blockbuster to Blockbuster looking for Apocalypse Now because he just has to see it again.

I'm calling him up- like Dude- where are you??

(for a few seconds I had jealous visions of his ex-girlfriend who had recently moved back to town, but then I remembered seeing her in the Shop N Bag wearing slouch socks and muttering to herself about the price of bagels)

And he's like - I'm at Target - I'm going to buy it- that way we always have it.

(okay...)

So, he comes home awhile later with his movie and a GIGANTIC carpet steamer and I'm all like- WT(bleep), why did you buy a carpet steamer?

And he's all - "It's for you - I know you wanted one".

And I'm all - "It's like you've never even met me".

(I should also state that this is the same man who once ran to the store for shampoo when I was in the shower and we were out and he had been given only the instructions of no Breck - I don't think our local convenience store has restocked its shampoo aisle since 1984 - and he returned with a bottle of Breck conditioner)

So we make an on the spot decision that we need to reconnect with a little just the two of us roadtrip which I will keep you all posted on- plus my car has finally stopped smelling like cool ranch doritos and gas station coffee from the last road trip and I kind of miss it ....

Now we just have to decide if there is still time to head south and pretend it is still summer or just give in and head north and face the cold winds of autumn ...


1. Travel Size Vegan Soap by LongWinterFarm
2. Toasty Textures Fingerless Gloves by TickledPinkKnits
3. Traveler Bag by JennyNDesign
4. Recording Diary by 7321Design
5. Green Car Necklace by Sushipot

ETSY SPECIAL - Get a free pair of matching earrings with any necklace order from either of my shops Uncorked or Polarity by mentioning the words - Time for a Roadtrip (or some such nonsense) in the comments to seller section of your order thru 10/11!

Where Have All The Cowboys Gone...

I am starting to think that maybe people and people whose sex starts with M in particular are starting to get a little wimpy on us. I am missing cowboys (maybe) and I'll tell you why.

Today I was standing on the sidewalk getting my mail from my curbside mailbox and a blue Corvette was waiting in a line of cars backed up from my corner.

The driver had the top down, allowing everyone within a four WalMart radius to share in his enjoyment of Van Halen. When he increased the volume even more, I turned around just in time to see him thrust his fist in the air, eyes closed.

Jump!

(fist!)

Might as well jump!

(fist! fist! fist!)

This was sort of like the Tiger Woods fist pump without the Masters win. Not something a cowboy would do I don't think (of course this move would likely cause the cowboy's trusty horse to go galloping off into the woods so maybe this is not a fair comparison), but still ....

Then after dumping my mail all over the back seat of my car

(who's afraid of lost bills and bill collectors- not this cowgirl- that's who)

I head out for some errands and I go to the gym.

(and when I say "go to the gym" I mean walk past the gym's glass doors and windows on my way to Blockbuster)

And in the gym I see 3 separate guys on treadmills and ellipticals with fanny packs.

Now, the last time I went to the gym (and by "to the gym" I mean actually walked through those glass doors and worked up a sweat ... sort of) this equipment didn't actually take you anywhere, so I am not sure why 3 separate men felt they needed to take provisions ... maybe they are the modern man's equivalent of those sexy, soft leather saddlebags, but let's hope this is not some kind of a trend.

And speaking of fanny packs I once was explaining to Noelle of Xenotees about the cash bag I wear on my waist and use at shows and she said "oh, you mean you use a FANNY PACK?!" - which left me scrambling for a new cash bag.

Anyhoo- hubby came home all grumpy and dirty and reeking of testosterone (or maybe just kind of smelling like the pastrami and provolone he had for lunch) and for once I didn't mind.

And come to think of it he has no rhythm (well, his feet have no rhythm- he can actually tap out some mean Rush on the steering wheel, but I've never seen any kind of eyes closed fist pumps from him) and he would not be wearing a fanny pack (I hope) although he is getting older and does spend an awful lot of time in slippers lately ...

I know cowboys are not all they are cracked up to be (maybe) and they do walk kind of funny from all that horseback riding, but for some reason I am just missing them today ... off to get those bills from my back seat before they get lost....

A Knightrider Knightmare ....

So, first of all when I get stressed two things happen to me (well, maybe 3 or maybe 47 odd things happen to me, but two that I will own up to here)- One - I have something called night terrors where I "wake up" a couple hours after falling asleep except I am not really awake.

But, I definitely feel like I am awake and I see spiders and shadowy figures and sometimes strangely specific things in the room with me.

Like the other night I saw David Hasselhoff and he was the David Hasselhoff in that video his kids took when he was loaded and eating that hamburger- so you can only imagine how scary that would be at 2 a.m. on a Thursday...

The other thing that happens is that Olive gets stressed, too and mostly from me screaming at David Hasselhoff not to drop his pickles on my new(ish) Anthropologie bedspread (I'm talking dill slices here ladies not the whole pickle)

Olive climbs under our bed to sleep and ... stays there .... and cannot be coaxed out... and makes some strange digging noises that we try to ignore and hope the carpet will survive.

Anyhoo, she has been sleeping under there for the last few nights and this morning when grabbing some laundry and noticing quite a few things missing I decided to move the bed and see what she has been up to

and sure enough she has been slowly building some strange dog bed or nest (or some sort of sacrificial altar where she will eventually drag me to my demise for buying the store brand dog biscuits) out of socks and underpants. And truthfully, it looks kind of cozy, in a gross sort of laundry basket dumped on the floor kind of way.

So tonight I went for a long walk/run because physical exhaustion definitely helps me sleep through the night and we'll see what happens. I decided to leave Olive's little lovenest alone, if David Hasselhoff shows up again, at least I will know where to hide.

Having a Breakdown ....

UPDATE
Things I have broken this week:

1. A fingernail (but this is a good thing because it was my last "long" one, so now they all match again- actually that sounds kind of creepy like I just let them grow all wild- which I might if I didn't break them all the time- but I don't, so it isn't)

2. A really cute little juice glass from a set in the sale section of Anthropologie that I will never find again, so now when hubby has his Sunday morning OJ - I will be drinking straight from the carton (also not a bad thing now that I think about it)

3. A test tube (that was bubble wrapped and fell just 2 feet from my shipping table when I was on the other side of the room - spooky ... and it didn't just break ... it shattered ... which was totally impossible, but happened anyway)

4. A Sephora bronzing powder compact

5. A replacement Sephora bronzing powder compact

6. My heart (sort of, but more on this another time)

UPDATE
Things I have NOT broken this week:

1. Anybody else's heart, I think

2. A promise to anyone (unless I crossed my fingers when I made it, of course)

3. The law (we'll just exclude traffic situations with this one)

4. Any land speed records (again we will exclude any traffic situations)

5. Out of my rut

A Little Too Much Reality TV ...

Hubby and I have an ongoing argument that can leave both of us drained and grumpy for days ....

This argument always happens in front of strangers and usually in the television aisle of the local Sears or Best Buy.

It starts with hubby standing slack jawed in front of the plasmas, hand reaching slowly for his credit card like a distracted gunslinger.

Me - "Ok, we just have to get that USB plug."

Hubby - *crickets*

Me- trying new tactic "Wait, is Van Halen's new ALBUM out?"

This catches hubby's attention but also causes the salesperson who has been totally ignoring us to take notice- surprised either by the unfamiliar term or startled by a sudden realization that we must be borderline elderly and easy marks.

Salesperson - "Some amazing sales today"

At this point hubby may actually start to drool a bit - he could not care less about sales, but knows this may be something that catches my attention. It doesn't. We all stare at the episode of COPS glaring at us from 20 different screens.

Hubby - (you need to picture one of those 'thought' bubbles here) hmmm, sale- she loves sales

Me - (another thought bubble) is that wallpaper in the perp's house on COPS- I thought you were safe if you didn't have wood paneling ...

Salesperson - (you need to picture the Peanuts sound when the grown-ups talk) WAH, WAH, Dolby, WAH, Surround Sound, WAH, WAH

This scene always turns into a argument - with me declaring that spending our money on something like this is making a statement that tv is very important to us and hubby asserting - EXACTLY.

I have often offered the compromise of getting a bigger screen for the livingroom if I can take the tv out of our bedroom, but he stubbornly refuses to sleep with just me and not Letterman, so here we are arguing about this ... again ....

When Good Bangs (and Hubbies) Go Bad

So, I thought I was done posting for the week with my fantabulous Friday finds when something happened that I totally need to vent about and let you guys

(notice the term "you guys" because I am from New Jersey after all and if you don't know what I am talking about here check out alamodestuff's blogpost on regional "you" usage)

know exactly what I am up against. It is a hair thing. And it is a guy thing. So you know where I am going with this isn't going to be pretty.

I have had bangs forever, although sometimes they annoy me and I clip them back, and they are not big old eighties bangs (anymore) but more wispy side parted things.

So this morning I just gave them a little trim myself and hubby was getting ready for work and I asked him if he liked them -

(I so know better than to ask him something like this, but the words were out of my mouth before I could catch myself)

and he replied --------

"yeah, it makes your face look bigger"

which, of course, is exactly the look I was going for and he then added

"it looks better today because yesterday it was a little frizzy"

and I wasn't sure if he meant my bangs or my super-Walmart sized face ....

*sigh*

Uh... I'm Busy Saving the World OK

Too tired to come up with an actual hump day post what with all my saving the world type of activities in the last couple days:

1. Saved countless people from possible electrocution - saw downed power line, called 911, shielded the area with my body while waiting for police

(well, sat in my car eating french fries and chatting with my sister on the cell phone while waiting for police, but same difference)

2. Returned a lost labradoodle who wandered onto my street

(had to coax her near me with some Kraft singles and I may have looked like I was trying to steal her when her owners showed up while I was trying to corral her into my car, but I know my intentions were honorable plus Olive does not want to compete for my attention - ie Kraft singles- with another redhead)

3. Spray spainted 2 sticks to look like light sabers thus allowing two 8 year olds to battle Darth Vadar and save the universe

4. Made 20 I Speak for the Squid cork necklaces for some squid people's radical self-expression at Burning Man

(saving the world one squid at a time)

And yes, by the way my abs (and other areas) do look exactly like this cartoon rendering of me (above)- please don't hate me....


1. GI Joe Real American Hero Purse by DAMECreations
2. Power Man and elon by Kilsook
3. My Hero Stamped Brass Keychain by JeanSkipper
4. Lionheart Spoon Rest by PinkKiss
5. Mickey Mouse Brave Storybook & Record from OldKitty

The Names Have Been Changed to Protect the Innocent

So, anyhoo, lots of new stuff to report tonight before I am off to drown my sorrows in great quantities of aspirin or liquor.

First of all, I hired myself an intern (I just love that word so much) and she started today.

(note the word hired which means some money is changing hands and note the word intern which means not much money)

She has a very vague job description which I thought up late last night and wrote on the back of an M&M's wrapper.

(yes, the new coconut ones- not sure what I think of them yet- need to get another bag before commenting since hubby ate most of them and yes, I wanted to recycle that wrapper even if it meant gumming my pen up with melted chocolate)

Before you get all happy for me (or a little bit jealous) let me just say that she is in high school (pre-driving age) and she is working for me one day a week (the day I have enough accounts and money coming in to actually hire an adult person with a driver's license is probably the day I will be run over by my distracted UPS driver).

Nina's (name has been changed to protect the innocent) first day left me with a little bit of a headache (okay quite a bit of a headache) partly because I am not used to teenage conversation or any conversation that doesn't involve a keyboard really and I somehow managed to hire the one teenage girl on the face of the planet who did not read Twilight (what the heck am I going to talk to her about) and the one teenage girl (I hope) with a crush on ... David Caruso (red head CSI)!

(I will definitely be taking action on this one- this is way too scary to allow to continue- I may even have to involve her parents)

After she left (ie after I drove her home) I had a semi-new neighbor drop by to introduce me to her newest guy and since I am feeling a bit motherly to this new neighbor for some reason, I managed to pepper her guy with 20 questions without ever leaving my front porch.

"Are you married?", "No".
"Do you have a job?", "Yes." then he added "with benefits".

(impressing me by anticipating my next question- this was obviously a guy who could think on his feet)

"Do you like dogs?" "Sure"
"Great because Tina (name has been changed to protect the innocent) has a dog."

(I do have a few more social skills than this scenario suggests and didn't really fire off these questions quite so randomly ... but almost)

"Where do you live?"
"I live in my van." *points to van in my driveaway*

(note this is not a Volkswagen, hippie, heading to a Phish show kind of van- which would only be a tiny bit better anyway- this was more of a mom heading to soccer practice with three cranky kids kind of van)

So anyhoos, as you can imagine I can't remember anything past this point because I pretty much stopped processing and my itty bitty headache has grown into something with a life of its own which I am now calling Nina/Tina (name changed to protect the innocent) and swallowing large quantities of aspirin and water (well, it is the color of water) to drown ....

(on the bright side the weather today was amazing)
1. Relief Soy Candle by OffBeet
2. Crochet Necklace by LovelyCrochet
3. Storyville Lace Top by BayouSalvage
4. Sunbather Cufflinks by PosyStudio
5. Keep on Truckin by fstopinertia

A Krylon Crystal Clear Gloss Nightmare

I never buy anything anymore without thinking about what I am going to do with the package after I have used the product.

In my work I also have to think about that little bit of glue or glaze left in the bottom of the plastic container and is my can of Krylon gloss really empty. I wish I didn't need to work with this stuff, but for now I do and I need to know how to dispose of the leftover product and packaging responsibly.

My hazardous waste disposal site requires a phone call and an appointment.

You pull your car into this little garage-thingie and you do not leave your car, in fact if you try to get out of your car, the hazardous waste guys will bark at you to, "STAY IN YOUR CAR". It feels like one of those end of the world movies where they think you are infected and you are trapped with the guys in the hazmat suits.

hazardous waste guy - "this can is empty - you do not have to bring in empty aerosol cans"

me - "how do I really know this can is empty. what if some toxic chemicals are clinging to the can's belly just waiting to run amok all over the recycling plant"

hazardous waste guy - *presses spray nozzle* nothing happens "this can is empty"

me - "is there some kind of gizmo that you can use to make sure because I really don't want this can to explode or leak or cause any damage - other than to my own respiratory and central nervous system, of course"

hazardous waste guy - *crickets*

guy in car behind me - "COME ON!", "LET'S GO!" (there is probably a middle finger being used in this tirade, but I don't turn around to check)

hazardous waste guy - *hands me can*

So... I head down to the recycling drop off center and start asking those guys (this is mostly a community service run outfit - get a DWI or want to get some points shaved off your driving record and this is where you will end up) who tell me if I am worried about recycling it, just to throw the empty can away (throw the potentially acetone, butane and propane contaminated can away!).

I take my cans (yes, I actually have about 20 "empty" cans to dispose of, but I thought it would make a better story to kind of picture me driving around with just that one can) back home and call the place where the recycling actually ends up and talk to them. They assure me I can recycle the cans if nothing comes out when the nozzle is pressed (good news). They also fax me some recycling info that I find a bit troubling, but more on that some other day.

So, I go back to the recycling drop off center with my cans promising myself that I will find a solution to Krylon crystal clear gloss. Maybe the guys on Etsy who are turning them into lamps would take them off my hands ...


1. Krylon Spray Paint Lamp by BBlock
2. Spray Paint Can Coasters by JennerationFix
3. City Sculpture on a Krylon Aerosol Can by EastBayCalifornia
4. ScorpBlast Hoodie by Beta
5. Can Down by Dezignerd

When Things Fall Into Place...

I’ve decided that today I want to be that artist (choking that word out) who posts pictures of her studio on her blog.

(instead of other people's studios, even though those others are way cooler)

Since most of my inventory is packed up for next weekend's show and it will probably never be this clean again- this is my chance to look uber organized.

Plus I've got some flowers on my desk. Plus I've got an amazing photographer here with a fisheye lens.

So I think the cosmos has lined this up for us ....

I've Got A Secret...

I love the little weekly confessions shared at post secrets. I am good at keeping secrets (really) except once in a while when I slip up and tell my sister, but luckily for me she is very good at keeping secrets.

(maybe because her name is Victoria - they didn't just pull that name out of their hat - or bra - you know)

So, if you ever want to tell me a secret - know that it is safe with me - really, truly and I am totally doing the library book thing, isn't that clever?












1. Pants by Victoria's Secret
2. Message in a Bottle by A Second Time
3. Secret Garden Sachet by Simple Sweet Design
4. Locket For Laura by Botanical Bird
5. Nancy Drew Book at Callooh Calley
6. Whisper Portrait by Sela Hestelle

If I Ever Open My Dream Store....

I will have this sign!

Manners first. No matter how busy we get, and we get busy, those are real people across the counter and deserve our attention.

I also hate when the salespeople chit chat with each other in front of me. Of course, if there is some really vital information (ie gossip) they are passing on, then I don't mind so much.

People first; gadgets second (well not actually second - that would be chocolate) right - people, chocolate, gadgets (and of course, Olive would be in there somewhere, too)

and I know there is a person on the other end of the phone (unless you are one of those people practicing conversations that you are not really having- really- I saw this on the news- people walk around talking to no one on their cell phones!), but the person in front of us always comes first.

So the people in front of us, animals (well, dogs anyway- sorry cat people), chocolate and then gadgets....

An Obsession Confession

OK- so I admit that the tv show Obsession - at least I think it is called Obsession-

(I always miss the first few minutes of it because I always forget its day and time and channel- I am a very passive-aggressive tv viewer and I have my own little obsessive ritual to perform before watching it)

*just kidding about that last part*

has become my obsession. The strange habits of strangers has me thinking about my own little quirks.

(and, yes, when they belong to strangers they are obsessions, but if they belong to me they are quirks- as in cute little quirks- see how this works?)

The first thing that comes to mind is my cute little quirk (ie obsession) with the shower curtain- as in what is behind the shower curtain- as in who is behind the shower curtain- as in I must open the shower curtain... and check...

Now I really like the way the bathroom looks (in theory) with the shower curtain closed and hubby always closes it, claiming something about it needing to be open to dry and mold and mildew prevention or something that he knows it will be hard for me to argue against, but that closed curtain makes me a little uneasy when I am in there.

(and ... when I have gone out and I know there has been enough time for someone to sneak into my house and find my shower and climb in there and reset up the shower curtain just how they first found it.... well, then I just have to check it... again)

Luckily this cute little quirk (ie obsession) has not extended into my needing to check on other curtains (like say behind the livingroom curtains or the bedroom curtains) because this would really eat into my day.

And luckily for me our other tub does not have a shower curtain or even a shower for that matter and when hubby sometimes mentions installing one... well, let's just say this is one little project that is not top priority on our to-do list.

(If we had a to-do list, which we do not, believe you me- but if I was a list maker and we did have a list this little project would be on page 107)

I have other cute little quirks (ie obsessions) too, but so as not to alarm everyone that I am crazier than your funny uncle (not THAT kind of funny uncle...geez...)- I will move on and hopefully the tv show people don't decide they need a shower curtain obsessor on the show and come to New Jersey (definitely where I would go to hunt down obsessives) and throw a net over me or maybe a shower curtain over me ...

(although I could use a new one, maybe something from Anthropologie....)
1. Shower Curtain by Anthopologie
2. Today's Obsession by YouHeartUs
3. Vegan Clay Mask by LighthouseMinerals
4. Vintage Robe by VonleskaVintage
5. Monogrammed Towel by SpringCartDesigns
6. Aromatherapy Mist by SweetPetula